We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

HOW CAN THEY INSIST THEY CANT AFFORD £70 A WEEK WHILST KEEPING HIS JOB AND HAVE THE LUXURY OF A BED AND HIS OWN SPACE? and presumably only leaving a slight dent in there bank balance? but can live off just disability and child tax credits?

The maths doesn't really stack up if their separation is engineered to maximise their benefit entitlements but obviously we don't know if that's the case anyhow, it's just me speculating.

For the sake of spending £65 a week on his accommodation, he loses the approx remaining sum of £135 of his employment pay (if he's on National Minimum Wage).

If she is on a type of benefit that is maximised by feigning single parenthood, such as that particular type of ESA which takes into account his future wages in his home town, then their household loses around £120 when he moves back and finds work.

If he claims JSA (if the job centre lets him without sanctioning him for walking away from his job), I think its around £73 for a single person, £114 for a couple (though I don't know how it works if one of the couple is classed as too ill or disabled to work, perhaps they'd have a joint ESA claim instead). This reduces his overall income.

Then again, if your MIL is on a certain level of DLA (or PIP) then she's entitled to employ him as a Carer and FIL would get Carers Allowance of £62 and then perhaps they'd also qualify for Income Support.

Complicated, isn't it? All those calculations MIL and FIL have to do because of their change of circumstance because he didn't want to spend any of his income on accommodation, he wanted you to subsidise it.

Is there any chance that FIL will pull a blackmail job on that only child that isn't owed money and make them put him up so as to continue their lone parent charade (if that's what they are doing).

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

Mil is basically very overweight and is unable to walk very much because of it. So she gets paid to sit down even more basically.

I know what you mean. We have a history of alcoholism on one side of the family, running into its third generation. Sadly, I think the disability and sickness payments my family members received have merely hastened them towards brain damage, early care home residency, early death and crime.

Of the 4 alcoholics in my family, only one worked across his entire life, while two worked for a few years before dropping out of the workforce and one barely had any employment. If you consider that each could have worked for 50 years, I think the sum total of all 4 is around 60-70 years out 200 man years of employment.

MIL is bound to have other conditions besides her obesity, perhaps joint issues or diabetes, perhaps mental health issues if poor mental health is the reason why she comfort eats, if that's what is happening. People who are very obese can qualify for both types of disability types - care and mobility - because they have trouble attending to their care needs like hygiene, housekeeping and cooking, and also trouble walking.

Nonetheless, one type of ESA will have payments reduced to the level of Job Seekers Allowance so some ESA claimants will experience a loss of around a quarter or third of their claim. And we don't know if she's getting ESA or what type of DLA she's getting either so its all speculation.

The chancellor at the recent budget said

'The Employment and Support Allowance was supposed supposed to end some of the perverse incentives in the old Incapacity Benefit. Instead it has introduced new ones.
One of these is that those who are placed in the work-related activity group receive more money a week than those on Job Seekers Allowance, but get nothing like the help to find suitable employment.
The number of JSA claimants has fallen by 700,000 since 2010, whilst the number of incapacity benefits claimants has fallen by just 90,000. This is despite 61% of claimants in the ESA WRAG benefit saying they want to work.
For future claimants only, we will align the ESA Work-Related Activity Group rate with the rate of Job Seekers Allowance.'

Princess12

BigAunty wrote: »

Is there any chance that FIL will pull a blackmail job on that only child that isn't owed money and make them put him up so as to continue their lone parent charade (if that's what they are doing).

My partner is the only child they don't 'technically owe' anything too. Though I believe they owe us there eterernal gratitude.

Sorry to be honest I can't really grasp half of what you just explained but thanks other wise.

Princess12

BigAunty wrote: »

MIL is bound to have other conditions besides her obesity, perhaps joint issues or diabetes, perhaps mental health issues if poor mental health is the reason why she comfort eats, if that's what is happening. People who are very obese can qualify for both types of disability types - care and mobility - because they have trouble attending to their care needs like hygiene, housekeeping and cooking, and also trouble walking.

No doubt yes I do believe there are other related issues. But they are all down to that issue. I just have no sympathy. She manages plenty to do wash her self, do the cleaning and cooking. It's just the walking.

I'd love to work out a bill based on what I should have charged rent etc and for all the lunch, dinner and drinks we've had to pay for whether she's visited here or we've visited her. Where I've never once had an offer of payment from them. We've kept this man and they never even been inclined to buy not even a coffee.

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

I'd love to work out a bill based on what I should have charged rent etc and for all the lunch, dinner and drinks we've had to pay for whether she's visited here or we've visited her. Where I've never once had an offer of payment from them. We've kept this man and they never even been inclined to buy not even a coffee.

Ah, but once you start making up imaginery bills in your mind, you are starting down that same path of entitlement and deserving that MIL and FIL have inflicted on you.

Just enjoy the peace, the space, the reduction in cost and mess in your newly romantic pad, once FIL have slung his hook. Start looking forward, instead of back.

itsanne

BigAunty wrote: »

Ah, but once you start making up imaginery bills in your mind, you are starting down that same path of entitlement and deserving that MIL and FIL have inflicted on you.

Just enjoy the peace, the space, the reduction in cost and mess in your newly romantic pad, once FIL have slung his hook. Start looking forward, instead of back.

This ^^^


Don't bring yourself down to their level, especially after having tolerated the situation for so long. Be comfortable in knowing that you and your fiance are different and look forward to enjoying what is to come.

Princess12

You know what I can't wait for..

To buy a beautiful new sofa for my empty living room.

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

You know what I can't wait for..

To buy a beautiful new sofa for my empty living room.

Don't go all consumerist on us - this is a Moneysaving site.

You should get a cheap or free one that is second hand one from ebay, gumtree or freecycle!

Then you will free up money for your wedding (registry office, make your own buffet for a free room in a pub, wedding dress out of a charity shop and honeymoon wild camping for free)....That's the MSE way.

Don't let us down....

Princess12

Valid points but..

Why does money saving mean that I have a second hand or one costing next to nothing? Can I not search for a bargain that fits my desired and affordable budget for myself?

Just because I could afford a suite for £1500 doesn't mean I'm going too. My budgets £800. That's my money saving there. Doesn't mean I should only go and spent £100. I've moved into my first home to not be able to put anything in it. I've had this money sat here waiting for this moment for over a year. Me and my partner work extremely long hours and work hard to afford our beautiful new sofa.

Never mind the views on me having to have a registry wedding, a pub, what? That maybe someone's else's money saving dream wedding but it's not mine.

Mines in be most beautiful hotel that I've come across. It's going to be my 'typical princess day' again I could afford to spend £15,000 if I wish but I'm NOT. I have set my own budget of £8000.

That may be completely again your MSE rules but for me I'm saving sill based on MY OWN budget.

I am sorry if that offends you.

piglet25

I think Big Aunty meant her post on money saving as a bit of tongue in cheek humour