We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

Later in the afternoon.. Other half got messages from his older brother saying 'Your moving out? No we're not. 'Mum said your moving out so dad will be out of a job again' WHAT? Where did she get this from? Having no idea what's been translated between them. Besides the point, he wouldn't be out of a job, we gave him plenty of places to enquire at about rooms.

Then later in the evening Mothers telling such sibling that Farther will be packing his things up tomorrow and leaving in the afternoon. Again WHAT? .

Do you not think it's really weird that FIL has to 'punish' you via three other relatives rather than talk to you directly? That's just such an incredibly juvenile thing to do.

Anyway, he's cutting off his nose to spite his face - the course of action he is proposing just leaves him jobless while you and your fiance can go back to being a couple.

BigAunty

Does anyone think that FIL has staged this just to get the OP to change her mind and let him continue to occupy their flat?

Or do you think he is really chucking in his job and moving out, thinking it will make them horrendously guilty and ensure the family thinks badly of her?

Let's have a vote?

Personally, I think he will go - he will enjoy sticking his fingers up at them and he probably thinks it will be easy to bag a job back home. There must be more to the family relationship than just an unwanted guest issue as he seems set on destroying the couple's reputation.

paddy's_mum

This leech has just given you a nugget of knowledge that is beyond price, and in your shoes, I should be forever grateful.

You now know beyond any doubt whatsoever that the man is deceitful, manipulative and a freeloading liar.

Forewarned is forearmed.

DevilsAdvocate1

Must admit, I think this is benefits related too. I have a good friend whose son lives with her for 4 nights a week and with his girlfriend for 3 nights.

He has 3 children with his girlfriend and has a good job working as a postman. But if he is there for less than half time, she can claim benefits as though she is a single parent.

She does work, but only part time and low paid. So she gets lots of child tax credits.

I think something like this might be going on here.

Mojisola

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

He has 3 children with his girlfriend and has a good job working as a postman. But if he is there for less than half time, she can claim benefits as though she is a single parent.

This isn't true. There's no rule that specifies how many nights a week makes you a couple.

Princess12

Thanks for your replies.

I most certainly will be sticking with my decision.

Yes him leaving and having a tantrum would be better for us. It would be amazing in fact but wee got him this job though so it would only look bad on us to let him walk out.

There's deeper and bigger issues here. But it's not my place to exploit.

For us were getting out home back whether it be tomorrow or 2 months away we will put our foot down (politely) but I still don't understand why they don't take the offer of the two month period to save some money. (If you haven't gathered I believe they are absolutely TERRIBLE with money)

BigAunty

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Must admit, I think this is benefits related too. I have a good friend whose son lives with her for 4 nights a week and with his girlfriend for 3 nights.

.

It's an angle I already explored but doesn't sound as if this is the main driver.

To make their pretend separation convincing to the benefits authority, the OPs FIL would have to direct all his post away from home, sever financial and official ties, register his driving licence, car tax and all that kind of thing. It is well known that the benefit authorities monitor this kind of thing to try and identify those lone parents whose partners pretend just to move away. FIL doesn't get any mail at the OPs address.

Even legitimate lone parents come onto the forum to complain about how their ex has taken out a loan at their former family home or hasn't updated their car insurance to their new address, and this lands the lone parent in hot water with the authorities.

FIL would probably want to register himself in some kind of official capacity at the OPs address in case his missus is challenged - on a tenancy agreement, bill or similar.

He doesn't receive any post at the OPs which means they either aren't scamming the benefit authorities or he has virtually no official kind of presence, in terms of not having a bank account (or perhaps having one online without printed statements) and so forth so just generally flies under the radar.

Also, though I haven't checked back on the FILs domestic status again on this thread, I thought he just had the one kid at home at college so that's a bit of child tax, housing benefit and council tax reduction.

A single child not exactly in benefits ker-ching territory - the MIL would be expected to work at least 16 hours per week to qualify for Working Tax Credits if the youngest child is above the age of 5 - they'd be on JSA, not income support. I think 1 kid would mean a disposable income of around £150 a week, plus most or all of their rent and council tax paid, while I think 2 kids gets a lone parent around £230 a week 3 gets £300 odd and so forth.

Obviously if MIL is doing the 'lone parent' thing, plus he's not paying any rent either, they are probably relatively comfortable. Assuming he earns at least the NMW, and she has 1 child at her council house, they would get around £350 a week disposable income and virtually no or low accommodation costs.

BigAunty

Princess12 wrote: »

It would be amazing in fact but wee got him this job though so it would only look bad on us to let him walk out.

It's great that you feel responsible towards the employer but actually, only he has the relationship with the employer and the obligations that go with employment.

However, this is another element of the weirdness of your partner's family which is very topsy turvy.

It's usually the adults that provide financial advice to their offspring, help them with job applications and help them to move out, on and upwards.

Here everything is reversed - the child is counselling and advising the adult while the adult gets all moody...

If it's any consolation, there was a thread on the housing forum awhile back where someone was forced by his benefit fraud mother to buy a flat where his dad lived (she wanted to conceal her capital and get a council flat while the son moved out to live with a girlfriend). However, his dad refused to pay rent, damaged the property and intercepted all his mail, including important ones from the leaseholders. In the end, the son had to evict his father through the courts while all the family abused him and his mother hassled him for an enormous share of the equity, far greater than the deposit, which she wanted in cash (so the benefit authorities wouldn't find out).

NotRichAtAll

If all else fails call chuck

http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/896/593/c16.jpg

Princess12

MIL sent the other half a very upsetting message yesterday, we're just going to leave her to cool down, hopefully to realise she's a bit out of order.

She believes that since we invited him to come stay and we got him the job that he can stay here for as long as they feel fit and that we don't have any care for the family at all.

FIL has handed his notice in so will be gone in two weeks. Slight silver lining.