We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

Princess12

elona, I have thought about it, I've also got the perfect excuse at the moment as there's going to be maintaince around this week (who could easily report is), as much as I know it's wrong, it would make our lives so much easier.

paddy's_mum

I don't like lies either but when it comes down to preservation of your sanity (and perhaps your relationship, too) striking while the "maintenance man scenario" is hot might be the least distressing way forward.

However, don't ever, EVER let on to anyone what you did or it may very well come back to bite you!

Interestingly, it may actually be true that your insurance and tenancy are invalidated by having another person living there permanently.

Gigglepig

Can't he get his own place and move his family into it, so he can live with them AND work?

Princess12

The only other thing I can think of in the same sense if saying. We don't think they believe the 'your having a little holiday story' when visiting and were afraid of eviction.

Either way isn't ideal the thought of lying for our own peace is eating away at me but as the same time the feel of relief is amazing.

You would think that'd be an ideal solution as they know the our town well but they haven't seem to caught onto that idea.

Mojisola

Gigglepig wrote: »

Can't he get his own place and move his family into it, so he can live with them AND work?

Or keep applying for work nearer home? He's had a year to find other job.

KiKi

I don't advise lying or using an 'excuse' to get him out - otherwise he'll find a way around it. You need to tell him the truth. Write it down and take it with you if that helps. I think you should sit him down and say firmly, but not unkindly:

* We've been really happy to help you out
* We're glad you've been able to work and help your family
* This is a one bed flat, and it's been 12 months now you've stayed with us
* We need our space as a couple, and we've been feeling a bit frustrated that we don't have this space during the week
* We love you, we've been happy to help. but we need our space, and so we do need to ask you leave by the end of July
* This isn't something we can negotiate

Don't mention rent - otherwise he might offer rent and hope you'll say yes. Just as you shouldn't say "the builders might notice and report you" - because he'll offer to hide during that time, or say he's on holiday with you. Whatever he offers to pay / do - just say "this is a case of our space, so I'm afraid we're not prepared to change our minds." Don't make other excuses, it's too easy to get around them!

If he gets upset / tries to use his family to persuade you otherwise, you simply say "no, we're not prepared to change our minds". Treat this like you'd treat a young child - just don't get into any negotiation. As soon as you do that, you've lost the battle!

HTH
KiKi

Mojisola

KiKi wrote: »

If he gets upset / tries to use his family to persuade you otherwise, you simply say "no, we're not prepared to change our minds". Treat this like you'd treat a young child - just don't get into any negotiation. As soon as you do that, you've lost the battle!

And warn your OH to be prepared for a 'man to man' talk while you are out of the way when his Dad tries to get him to change his mind.

BigAunty

You've got two issues - a relationship one (selfish partner who makes decisions without consultation) and a guest problem.

Like others, I don't think you need to come up with an excuse but simply be firm and diplomatic.

Tell your partner to ask him to leave and if your partner resists or his his dad drags his heels, then have discussion directly with his dad. Something along the lines of 'I understood your moving in to be a short term arrangement. This place is too small and we'd like our privacy back. I'd appreciate if you could find your own place by the end of the month. Here are some ads on Gumtree for you to ring'.

Do you have a Plan B if your FIL doesn't move on? (he's presumably quite happy with the arrangement, doesn't cost him a penny and he's still getting his legover back at the family home, he might be hard to shift).

Could it be the case that the arrangement suits both your FIL and your MIL or is there genuinely little chance of securing work back at the old area? For example, could she be claiming to be a single parent to maximise her tax credits and housing benefit (if a tenant) at the family home while he's currently getting all his accommodation costs subsidised by you?

BigAunty

elona wrote: »

Hate to suggest that you lie but if he thought someone had reported you to the landlord and that the insurance and regulations did not cover a house of multiple occupation etc.

Worst case you could all be evicted or fined heavily

That way it would not be you "throwing him out" but a sudden change of circumstances.

HMO rules do vary from area to area but 3 people in a 1 bed flat is going to be quite a rare scenario to be considered a significant breach (rules are tighter in Scotland).

Tenants aren't necessarily evicted. It's the landlord that gets fined but this tends to be only for major and persistent breaches and usually around health and safety factors, like not having a gas certificate, shoddy electrics and so forth.

Local councils just don't simply have resources to deal with overcrowding so I don't think this is necessarily a risk for the OP.

Princess12

To be honest I don't understand why he can't find work back home, it a x20 larger city, we just happen to be in more of a tourist city where it's easier to get hospitality work.

He's obviously not able to find work whilst he's here either.

It's crunch time when it happens that were all in the house at the same time. So I will take in all your conversation pointers and write it down.

Thank you for everyone's help