We're 23 and my FIL has been living with us for a year

FBaby

This man is going to become your FIL so it is acceptable that both of you seat down with him and have that conversation. You need to start getting rid of the guilt and see that it is a totally reasonable conversation to be have. You have a right to reclaim your home now that you've helped him. He knows that and is going along with the situation because it suits him.

Explain that this was always expected to be a short term arrangement and the short term has now expired and he needs to move on to the next stage of his plan. If you want to remain in decent term with him, discuss what you all think if a reasonable notice time, but make it very clear that regardless of where he is with his plan after that time, he will need to go and that there'll be no extension. If you don't think he deserves that level of respect considering he can't even be bothered to remember your birthday, tell him when he needs to get out whether he thinks it is reasonable or not.

Whatever you do, don't let guilt get in the way of your relationship with your OH, you don't have anything to feel guilty about, whatever your FIL will try to make you believe for his convenience.

getmore4less

Is he there all the time?

He should be going home

eg If a weekday job M-F it would be Mon-Thurs night max.


whats that saying like father like son

NotRichAtAll

This must be such an awkward scenario no privacy or anything almost like been a prisoner in your little bit of space with FIL been the warder.

Am a bloke and this is not right, your housing him feeding him washing his stuff, he is taking the pi$$ and your bloke seems oblivious to how you feel about this. Close your legs etc and stop all sex, have you any family you could go stay with for a short period?
Personally my bit of advice is get rid of the pair of them FIL and your fella, stop running round after the pair of them ie cooking cleaning washing, do your own stuff and F*&^ them.

Good luck seems your balls are going to be bigger than your fella's

onlyroz

I can sympathise. We had a friend of hubby's living with us for 8 months rent free and it drove me potty.

You can help out FIL by providing him with some examples of places he can rent on spareroom.co.uk, and telling him he must be out by the end of the month.

BitterAndTwisted

If this was me I'd be packing my bags and making it clear I wouldn't be paying my half of the rent and bills while I was away until future FIL was gone, gone, gone.

He invited his father to stay so he should be the one to break the news that FIL has over-stayed his welcome. You even found a job for him. What is he, a child?

Honestly, this bodes very, very ill for the future if he can't face putting his life-partner/future wife first.

His conversation with his Dad needs to start like this: "We considered this arrangement to be short-term. A year is not short-term. We need and deserve to have some privacy. We don't have that now and we want it desperately. We're giving you two months maximum to find alternative lodgings or move back home. We love you but we can't go on like this, it's really not fair on any of us".

Princess12

Sorry I have no idea how to personally reply to a certain post.

It's not my other half that's the problem he is willing to talk to him with me but it's that were both as nervous as each other. He does everything he can for me. He works 12-14 hours a day 5/6 days a week, he does any house work etc I need him to do on his days off. I do the rest during my split shifts.

FIL does go home 2 days a week on his days off.

FBaby thank you that's along the lines of what we want to say we just couldn't put that together ourselves. We do need to loose the guilt but they are his parents and we do have to be around them for the rest of our lives.

Princess12

I know I sound like i'm upset he asked him to come stay with us but he didn't need to, he knew I would be incredibly happy to help them out just naive to think it was short term.

LannieDuck

What does your FIL think the arrangement is? Does he think you're both happy for him to live with you rent-free for the forseeable future? Or does he know that you want him gone and he's just thick-skinned?

carefullycautious

I would ask him if he wants to take over your tenancy as he seems to have settled there and as his moving in was only supposed to be a short term solution to his original problems you both now need your own privacy and will look for alternative properties


If he wishes to move to his own accommodation you will both do all you can to help facilitate that.


No ifs no buts. Just keep reiterating the above and give a timescale for him moving on

elona

Hate to suggest that you lie but if he thought someone had reported you to the landlord and that the insurance and regulations did not cover a house of multiple occupation etc.

Worst case you could all be evicted or fined heavily

That way it would not be you "throwing him out" but a sudden change of circumstances.