I am in a mess and don't know what to do

peaceandfreedom

uselessnow wrote: »

The last time I got into this sort of mess, he was furious and left for over 6 months. I am not telling him.

I can understand your reluctance this time, then.

But he will find out though, sooner or later. Can you manage if he leaves again, will you have enough to live on? I would be making contingency plans if I were you.

meer53

OP, you have said that you have an illness that is going to get worse, not better, unless you win the lottery, you are going to be left to manage your debt alone at some stage. Surely it's better to tell your OH now rather than later ?

Lots of people on the forum have been in your situation, they're all telling you the same thing, things are always better when they're shared. Everyone can see that you're scared, it must be making your life a misery. We can also see that you're really trying to make inroads into your debt, but it really is too big to manage with the changes you're making,

I know you don't want to hear this again but you're sticking your head in the sand and it really will backfire on you.

ViolaLass

You said your OH sometimes works for a couple of weeks a month, sometimes less. Would it help if he looked for another job? One that offers full time work and more stability? That might give you more money too.

That strikes me as being one of the biggest differences you as a couple might be able to make. Of course, your OH won't understand why you're suddenly pushing for this but it's worth a try anyway.

[Deleted User]

Long story as to why his work stopped abruptly, I don't want to discuss the reasons. His work is very specialised and for a while the job industry wasn't recruiting. He is working on and off now. It is always quiet when a job just finishes. In 4 months at beginning of year he earned enough to last us a 12 months (debts excluded) for bills, food and transport.

[Deleted User]

I went through the cupboards yesterday to see If I can find anything that can be returned to the shops. I store all receipts so just need to find whether I am still in the returns period.


No other news. I am home all day today as feeling under the weather. Quiet day for me but at least I won't be spending.

kb_soma

Hi Use less now.

I've been having a good think about you not wanting to tell your OH. We all have our reasons for keeping things to ourselves and I can see from your reasons further back in the thread, why you want to keep this one quiet. You may decide to continue to not tell your OH about it (sorry to keep coming back to this), and one day you may want to tell him.

It's tough trying to save money when someone else is spending it, so I am wondering if you could use the challenge of being frugal in everyday life and having it overlap with your OH (get him to do the same, lunch to work, fakeaways etc). You can use the reason of healthier eating for this.

Have you joined any other threads or challenges? There is a thread called frugal living challenge on here, they are an extremely inspirational bunch. When I first started being frugal, I found their hints, tips and encouragement an excellent resource to keep me going.

I can't help but feel that you do need to address the bigger picture before it spirals any more, I spent a few years worrying about my debt and making (what felt like fruitless attempts at paying it off) minimum payments - I was robbing Peter to pay Paul (borrowing from my overdraft to pay credit cards, and using credit cards to pay for food and bills). Have you considered a debt management plan? I took out one in 2011 and have just finished paying it off.

Great idea to see if there is anything that you can take back. Just remember, if you do take something back, try not to be tempted to buy something else in it's place!

[Deleted User]

kb_soma wrote: »

Hi Use less now.

I've been having a good think about you not wanting to tell your OH. We all have our reasons for keeping things to ourselves and I can see from your reasons further back in the thread, why you want to keep this one quiet. You may decide to continue to not tell your OH about it (sorry to keep coming back to this), and one day you may want to tell him.

It's tough trying to save money when someone else is spending it, so I am wondering if you could use the challenge of being frugal in everyday life and having it overlap with your OH (get him to do the same, lunch to work, fakeaways etc). You can use the reason of healthier eating for this.

Have you joined any other threads or challenges? There is a thread called frugal living challenge on here, they are an extremely inspirational bunch. When I first started being frugal, I found their hints, tips and encouragement an excellent resource to keep me going.

I can't help but feel that you do need to address the bigger picture before it spirals any more, I spent a few years worrying about my debt and making (what felt like fruitless attempts at paying it off) minimum payments - I was robbing Peter to pay Paul (borrowing from my overdraft to pay credit cards, and using credit cards to pay for food and bills). Have you considered a debt management plan? I took out one in 2011 and have just finished paying it off.

Great idea to see if there is anything that you can take back. Just remember, if you do take something back, try not to be tempted to buy something else in it's place!

To be honest it isn't really him that spends money apart from petrol and the odd meal in the works canteen depending on where he is working. Normally he takes packed lunch and when he is working at home he still has a packed lunch. It is me that suggests takeaways because I don't want to cook. In 20 + years he has never gone for a takeaway until a few weeks since. I have been known to spend £100+ on a day out on my own. I have to reign myself in

[Deleted User]

Truth finally hit home yesterday.


I am so scared of what the future will bring.

fairy_lights

uselessnow wrote: »

Truth finally hit home yesterday.


I am so scared of what the future will bring.

What happened yesterday?

heartbreak_star

uselessnow wrote: »

Truth finally hit home yesterday.


I am so scared of what the future will bring.

*hugs* no matter how harsh we've been, we all want to help...

What has happened? I hope you're alright.

HBS x