I am in a mess and don't know what to do

ViolaLass

Ilona wrote: »

I totally agree. A dessert is a want not a need. I never have a dessert because my meals are big plates of healthy vegetables. I am full after that, no room.
Ilona

Yes, but it's 20p pp, per day, hardly significant and not worth beating the OP up over.

Yayhelen

Hi

I have used a site called The Resourceful Cook this week to create a meal plan (apologies it won't let me post a link!)

I did the frugal one and managed to do shopping for the full week for £16 (some in Aldi and some in Lidl).

If you do crafting have you considered selling some of the items you make? This is on my 'to do' list! You don't need to buy expensive materials - have a look at crafts you can make from old books (book folding/paper flowers/origami etc) you can get old hardbacks for 99p-£1.50 in charity shops and some of these items can be sold for a reasonable profit.

How about selling unused books /CDs/Games?

I have also found that planning/shopping and cooking my meals has been a good distraction. The just planned 5 meals and had freezer portions for the other days.

It worked well for me.

I have sold some old clothes, shoes and pictures on eBay this week and have made £70.

I know that you have said that you won't tell OH, I would just ask you to consider it again. I was very afraid to tell my husband about my financial difficulties but my fear of his reaction was a lot worse than his actual reaction.

sourcrates

MrsSave wrote: »

Health shouldn't be compromised, but I believe dessert is a luxury.

Do you have anything against chairs ?


or do you sit on spikes ? lol

[Deleted User]

I never thought my healthy dessert would cause so much conversation. Let me clarify -


The strawberries were reduced to £1 and the Greek yogurt(large pot) was reduced to 60p. It lasted us 4 days which is 8 desserts.


As to the other issue raised, all the credit cards are in my name only. Oh knows nothing about them. He only knows about the one that is a joint one that is paid off in full every month

[Deleted User]

Feral_Moon wrote: »

You say her OH has absolutely no idea about the debt. Can you be entirely sure of that? Unless these credit cards are solely in her name, which I'm not sure is the case, but could be wrong, then I'm fairly certain her OH knows exactly what's going on even if he hasn't raised it as an issue with her.

We know nothing of their relationship dynamics, other than there have been historic problems surrounding debt issues, so I can't see a man, who hasn't even worked properly for the past 5 years so is presumably equally concerned about family finances, would bury his head in the sand and not know what's going on. It also seems he has his private accounts and a separate stash of money to ensure she doesn't bankrupt them and this joint account is purely for his wife's use. He's probably of the attitude that once it's gone, it's gone.

He has one account that the years wages stored in on high interest which has to be given 90 days notice given to have money out. We also have the joint account that wages and benefits go onto . Please get facts straight before slating our situation

Goldiegirl

I've been reading through this thread.


My thought is this


What's worse.


A) You continue as you are, hiding the debt from your husband, for decades to come, as you will not be able to clear the debt yourself


You tell your husband, he goes loopy you shout and scream at each other - but it's done, he knows whats happening and you no longer have the terrible stress of hiding everything from him - it's all out in the open. What a relief that would be


I suggest option A) is far worse.


With option once he got over the shock you could work together to resolve the situation. You could sell up, clear the debt, move to a small house, have money in the bank, and buy somewhere in a far more convenient location, on a bus route so you won't need two cars anymore.


On the subject of fruit and yogurt. So what if the OP buys less veg and gets some fruit and yog instead - surely a varied diet is good?

Ilona

Feral_Moon wrote: »

Yoghurt and fruit are hardly classed as luxury. They are part of a healthy diet.

Agree, I eat them. But the key word here is 'dessert', which is normally eaten after a meal. No need to eat more if your meal has filled you up. A piece of fruit or a yogurt for breakfast is fine, or as an occasional treat if one can afford it.
Ilona

Ilona

On another note, I don't see how someone can be married or in a live together partnership, and have secrets from one another. Seems pointless to me to be together at all. Isn't marriage all about sharing, maybe I have got the wrong idea.
Ilona

meer53

Feral_Moon wrote: »

You say her OH has absolutely no idea about the debt. Can you be entirely sure of that? Unless these credit cards are solely in her name, which I'm not sure is the case, but could be wrong, then I'm fairly certain her OH knows exactly what's going on even if he hasn't raised it as an issue with her.

We know nothing of their relationship dynamics, other than there have been historic problems surrounding debt issues, so I can't see a man, who hasn't even worked properly for the past 5 years so is presumably equally concerned about family finances, would bury his head in the sand and not know what's going on. It also seems he has his private accounts and a separate stash of money to ensure she doesn't bankrupt them and this joint account is purely for his wife's use. He's probably of the attitude that once it's gone, it's gone.

Try reading the whole thread and check your facts before commenting.

The OH doesnt know about the OP's debt. Shes terrified that if he finds out he'll leave her as he did last time this happened. He doesnt have secret accounts containing a separate stash of money. The OP knows all about the money he has.

sourcrates

Seem to be going off on a tangent here, so just a reminder to anyone reading this thread, and getting a little worried.


The order in which you should prioritise your money, is this :


(1) Essential payments such as rent, mortgage, council tax, any secured debt.


(2) Food, money for everyday essentials etc.


(3) Any unsecured debt repayment.


Debt repayments should always be the last on the list, after everything else has been paid for, wanting to clear your debts is admirable, but not at the expense of eating properly.