I am in a mess and don't know what to do

pink_boots

I have never posted before so hope I am doing it right. I noticed that you are on DLA. I suffer from clinical depression as well an physical disabilities. I received DLA or PIP as they are now calling it. I am not sure how you do not get incapacity\income support. Because you would not have to pay for prescriptions, get help with part of your mortgage and council tax. Even people on Jsa get help with these things. This should be looked into and might be worth a call to the CAB.

randomer

put down that pudding and eat dust

Feral_Moon

uselessnow wrote: »

He has one account that the years wages stored in on high interest which has to be given 90 days notice given to have money out. We also have the joint account that wages and benefits go onto . Please get facts straight before slating our situation

Excuse me??? I was far from slating you, I was actually defending you. We can only "get our facts straight" via the facts you provide.

I'm out too. You're on your own in reality and virtually.

cakeforbrains

I've just sat and read this whole thread and I'm going to be blunt: this is nuts.

If you're keeping this a secret from your husband then it's bad for you and it's bad for him. I know that you've said you're not going to tell him, but it's unfair on him to hide it.

On your personal income alone you cannot afford to get out of this debt. If you were single you would be forced into doing a DMP or similar right now (which might actually be much better for you emotionally). As it stands you're using your husband's income to pay off your debts. This is fine because you're in a partnership, but it's not fine if you're doing it secretly. He has to be given the opportunity to decide whether he wants to be part of a joint endeavour to pay off your spending or whether he doesn't.

And, on top of that, he has enough (or nearly enough) squirrelled away to pay the blooming debts off. Normally, when we're in debt (as a single person or as a couple) the first thing we have to do is use savings to pay it off. It's a no-brainer. Savings almost always earn less interest than debt charges. That means that financially you're going to be better off putting the savings against the debt, plus your credit file can repair, and you get that amazing feeling that comes with the security of being debt-free.

How do you know your husband wouldn't choose to do this if he had the chance?

And if he doesn't choose to help you (and help himself at the same time) then at least he's been given the facts and given the option.

You can't have it both ways OP. You can't have the benefit of joint incomes and continue to lie to the other party.

Pixie5740

randomer wrote: »

put down that pudding and eat dust

It's not really about the pudding or saying that those in debt are not allowed to have puddings. It's that OP has rejected pretty much every suggestion to cut down on one thing or another. There's always an excuse why she still has to have this treat and that luxury. People have just reached the end of their tethers. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Until the OP truly has her LBM there's not much anyone can do.

One thing I will say though is that if the OP's husband wasn't working for years how he did he think she was paying for things?

meer53

cakeforbrains wrote: »

I've just sat and read this whole thread and I'm going to be blunt: this is nuts.

If you're keeping this a secret from your husband then it's bad for you and it's bad for him. I know that you've said you're not going to tell him, but it's unfair on him to hide it.

On your personal income alone you cannot afford to get out of this debt. If you were single you would be forced into doing a DMP or similar right now (which might actually be much better for you emotionally). As it stands you're using your husband's income to pay off your debts. This is fine because you're in a partnership, but it's not fine if you're doing it secretly. He has to be given the opportunity to decide whether he wants to be part of a joint endeavour to pay off your spending or whether he doesn't.

And, on top of that, he has enough (or nearly enough) squirrelled away to pay the blooming debts off. Normally, when we're in debt (as a single person or as a couple) the first thing we have to do is use savings to pay it off. It's a no-brainer. Savings almost always earn less interest than debt charges. That means that financially you're going to be better off putting the savings against the debt, plus your credit file can repair, and you get that amazing feeling that comes with the security of being debt-free.

How do you know your husband wouldn't choose to do this if he had the chance?

And if he doesn't choose to help you (and help himself at the same time) then at least he's been given the facts and given the option.

You can't have it both ways OP. You can't have the benefit of joint incomes and continue to lie to the other party.

Exactly this ^^^

But it all falls on deaf ears i'm afraid. It's just a matter of time really before the SHTF.

cakeforbrains

meer53 wrote: »

Exactly this ^^^

But it all falls on deaf ears i'm afraid. It's just a matter of time really before the SHTF.

Indeed.

And, actually, I slightly revise my last post. If the OP were single (divorced) she'd probably have a large chunk of money from the sale of the £300k house, so it seems to me that telling her husband results in fixing the financial problem whether or not they decide to split up.

sourcrates

I am a little unsure as to the true nature of this thread, I know it can take a while for people to realise they are in way over there head, and finally have there LBM, it can be tough, and the OP appears to have numerous other considerations, her health, and relationship status don't help the situation.


One thing is certain, sooner or later, the end of the line will be reached, and some hard decisions will have to be made, people put it off, and put it off, dancing around the edges, but in the end, serious choices will have to be made.

[Deleted User]

Gigervamp wrote: »

That's unfair. You don't know who caused the crash, it may well have been the other driver.

It was the other party Gigervamp but people immediately want to blame me on here. At least you realised that it may not be me to blame

[Deleted User]

pink_boots wrote: »

I have never posted before so hope I am doing it right. I noticed that you are on DLA. I suffer from clinical depression as well an physical disabilities. I received DLA or PIP as they are now calling it. I am not sure how you do not get incapacity\income support. Because you would not have to pay for prescriptions, get help with part of your mortgage and council tax. Even people on Jsa get help with these things. This should be looked into and might be worth a call to the CAB.

I am on DLA and ESA. Was on incapacity benefit before things changed. You don't get free prescriptions on that benefit