I am in a mess and don't know what to do

[Deleted User]

I have tried recently to apply for a card but was turned down. The other cards don't have any transfer offers on or there isn't enough space on the card as they are at their limit.
I will keep looking out for offers though

Dird

I'm surprised OH hasn't looked at the joint account balance & wondered where it's going

Some general thoughts, many of them repeating/supporting previous comments:
- I've lived here for 2 years, other than from rain the windows have had no kind of wash...that £10/m can be easily removed. Windows don't need washing in Britain
- You are commenting on this thread thanks to the magic that is the Internet. Most of the content you'll find in a magazine is already freely available online. If you're adamant you like holding a magazine then you can just read them for free in WHSmiths or a supermarket. Last time I bought a magazine was over 10 years ago
- £46 underwear...never again. Primark is the future...all my socks, underwear & work clothes are from there & the quality is fine
- No lunch outs, takeaway once per month/fortnight max as a treat
- How often is coffee? maybe every other fortnight compared to Chinese

You need to find some hobbies at home you enjoy like Farmville or something. If you find some game you enjoy then it will keep you occupied, happy & it's free.
Also the surveys as people suggested to make cash to cover the coffee treats. Maybe search the coupons/vouchers sections to help cut your food bill a bit.

The car issue is awkward. It would save a lot if he sold & got a more efficient car but why would he? OP hasn't & doesn't want to tell him what's going on so he has no reason to. As far as OH would be concerned it's not worth the hassle of tyre kickers & finding a new car + updating insurance etc for a car which might have more issues than the seller is letting on.
Perhaps OP could convince OH on the benefits of him changing to a more efficient car? I drive a 2002 VW Polo and do 220 miles/week for £20. Car tax is only £30/year.

[Deleted User]

As I have said before oh does not ever look at the bank account.
He also travels approx 1000 miles some weeks. He has a 200 mile trip.
today
No more discussions about my underwear. Mum paid for it as a treat to make me smile again

meer53

I understand you don't want your OH to know about your debt but if he doesn't know, any inroads you make by cutting down will be undone by him. £20k is a huge amount to tackle alone, he only has to come home with a takeaway each week as you've already mentioned, and any savings you make are wiped out. You'll just be standing still.

It really is just a matter of time before you HAVE to tell him. You defend him by saying he works hard, no one will dispute that, but trying to mange this on your own will make you ill, telling him will be a huge weight off your shoulders, you can then tackle it together and it will be sorted much sooner.

kb_soma

Hi use less now, I've just read through then entire thread and hope that you are doing okay. It's good that you have decided to address your situation.

In 2011, I had a large amount of debt and had my light bulb moment. My action was to take out a debt management plan through stepchange, mainly as I was using my overdraft to pay my credit cards, and my credit cards to by food and pay bills. Needless to say, it was a bit of a downward spiral... Luckily, after 4 years of budgeting, I'm now out of that funk, and hope that I can offer you some advice, some of which I have seen from others on this thread already.

First off, I changed my spending habits to saving habits, I started off small. I started leaving my bank cards at home, destroyed my credit cards so no more spending on those, and started up a spending diary,this was a paper diary that I kept on me. I used to go into the supermarket and somehow spend up to £15 a day on lunch and dinner.

Now, I really think about how much I need something, and even spending just £1 on something makes me ask 'do I really need it?'

I joined frugal groups on here, and started meal planning - my monthly grocery budget for 2 adults and a cat is £100 per month. My freezer is my best friend, when I'm feeling inspired, I batch cook and this saves cooking on lazy days.

I take a packed lunch with me everywhere, and a bottle of water.

Craft magazines - my local library makes these available online, it may be worth you looking into this, if you are unable to get to the library. But, if you are, this is a good free trip out.

I think you have made some really good steps so far and wish you luck, you need to remember that you are strong, remember, that if you do fall off the wagon on making savings, just get back on.

I think the key is to take small steps, and it looks like you have done.

I appreciate that you don't want to tell your OH about the situation, but sometimes just talking about it with someone can really lighten the load.

Good luck, and most of all, keep going!

[Deleted User]

meer53 wrote: »

I understand you don't want your OH to know about your debt but if he doesn't know, any inroads you make by cutting down will be undone by him. £20k is a huge amount to tackle alone, he only has to come home with a takeaway each week as you've already mentioned, and any savings you make are wiped out. You'll just be standing still.

It really is just a matter of time before you HAVE to tell him. You defend him by saying he works hard, no one will dispute that, but trying to mange this on your own will make you ill, telling him will be a huge weight off your shoulders, you can then tackle it together and it will be sorted much sooner.

He doesn't turn up with a takeaway very often to be honest. That was a treat as we both had a stressful week and he had decided we needed to relax and chill out

[Deleted User]

Start of another week. Will be trying hard to stick to my budget this week.

peaceandfreedom

meer53 wrote: »

I understand you don't want your OH to know about your debt but if he doesn't know, any inroads you make by cutting down will be undone by him. £20k is a huge amount to tackle alone, he only has to come home with a takeaway each week as you've already mentioned, and any savings you make are wiped out. You'll just be standing still.

It really is just a matter of time before you HAVE to tell him. You defend him by saying he works hard, no one will dispute that, but trying to mange this on your own will make you ill, telling him will be a huge weight off your shoulders, you can then tackle it together and it will be sorted much sooner.

I agree with this and would add that it's very unfair on your OH to keep him in the dark. You are teetering on the age of complete disaster and he doesn't know? If it were me, I would be furious not to be told about it.

You are trying hard to make small savings but with the household income being both low and unstable, you are going to take forever to pay off your debts. Little bits and bobs here and there are not going to be enough. Your best bet is to tell your OH and then contact Stepchange for advice.

I noticed you recently said:

uselessnow wrote: »

Contacted HMRC today to sign up for the marriage allowance. I have transferred the maximum allowed from my tax code to oh's. It means that he will pay less tax this year. Which means more money coming in when he is working again.

I am concerned by the bit I have highlighted in red - does your OH have savings that cover the lean times when he is not working? This is what I mean by teetering on the edge of disaster.

You are not treating your debt as the emergency it is. Perhaps read this:
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/04/18/news-flash-your-debt-is-an-emergency/

Actually, having read that article again myself, I realise I too am very guilty of not treating my debt as an emergency. I perhaps need a rethink of my own. But I am making substantial inroads into my debt, I really don't think your current strategy is going to do that for you.

I know this is not what you want to hear and others have tried to say the same but if you really want to sort out your debt you are going to have to change tack.

rockm87

Love Mr Money Mustache, let this article ring out!!!

fairy_lights

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

I agree with this and would add that it's very unfair on your OH to keep him in the dark. You are teetering on the age of complete disaster and he doesn't know? If it were me, I would be furious not to be told about it.

I think the OP is burying her head in the sand regarding telling her husband, and sadly I don't think she is going to be able to get rid of her debt without him knowing.