Middle child as an adult, choosing a maid of honour

Georgiegirl256

onlyroz wrote: »

Anybody you like. We picked a best friend each.

Well that's what I thought. We had our Mams do it.

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Who's meant to do it?

Despite the way a lot of people talk, there are very few rules about how a wedding is conducted.

There are traditions about how many BMs you have and who you choose and who signs the register and what type of clothes you wear, etc, etc, but traditions vary from family to family and country to country.

If you want to follow the traditions of the two families involved in the wedding, that's your choice but otherwise it's up to the bride and groom to do whatever suits them.

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

otherwise it's up to the bride and groom to do whatever suits them.

Couldn't agree more. We did it our way and it suited us. My Dad was totally on our side, but I think our Mams would have preferred if we'd been more traditional.

I think some traditions are nice to keep, but a lot really don't need to be followed.

DigForVictory

Yikes - sibling & weddings & ach-hand-me-that-rifle...
Your in-laws want a wedding. You want your little sister & no civil war.
Um, in theory, your wedding, your call - in practice maybe a bit of footwork, bribery, negotiation, coercion & full-on charm (covering blackmail)

Me, I'd look hard at the overseas location (they have any traditions you can borrow?), both faiths (anything that works for you - and check out Ancient History as well as current thinking), Emily Post, Debretts & then compile a play book that includes those you want, has titles that sound 'right' (but you explain what they involve) and your Team includes, hm, effectively 'henchpeople' to mind individuals & pour them into taxis-on-account.

I really would write a play book where hench folk aren't needed in a group of 40 if at all possible. Include your beloved in your researches - and include things meaningful to you both that do not have family-control implications too?

All the very best of health, strength, succesful negotiations (& don't be shy of playing the only just out of hospital card if vital - you may feel thoroughly ashamed but for the right day, you may need to play on their wishes for your ongoing good health) and may the day be the happy start of many happy decades!

duchy

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Parents as witnesses is a new one on me.

I think ALL weddings I've attended parents have been the witnesses ....or a stand in - like a brother when the Dad had passed.

I can't think of anything odder than having non family be the witnesses when close family is present. Perhaps if families aren't close - but not a usual custom.

Savvy_Sue

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It is the norm in my experience that you have an adult as bridesmaid, not least as they are supposed to organise the hen night and help the bride on the morning of the wedding.

Should have said before, it is possible to get married without a hen night too. I may have gone for a quiet drink with a few of my friends, but all this making an exhibition of yourself in too few clothes and crude props is definitely a new 'thing', and not good one IMO.

Also, although I wasn't on my own on the morning, I didn't need 'help' as such. If you don't get married in a meringue, it's perfectly possible to manage your own dress.

Didn't carry flowers either.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Also it's usual for the bridesmaid and best man to be the witnesses.

I think it was our dads. Which was another reason for phoning him a week or two beforehand to check he and Mum were coming ...

Torry_Quine

duchy wrote: »

I think ALL weddings I've attended parents have been the witnesses ....or a stand in - like a brother when the Dad had passed.

I can't think of anything odder than not having non family be the witnesses when close family is present. Perhaps if families aren't close - but not a usual custom.

my family is very close actually. To me it would seem unusual if it were parents.

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Should have said before, it is possible to get married without a hen night too. I may have gone for a quiet drink with a few of my friends, but all this making an exhibition of yourself in too few clothes and crude props is definitely a new 'thing', and not good one IMO.

Also, although I wasn't on my own on the morning, I didn't need 'help' as such. If you don't get married in a meringue, it's perfectly possible to manage your own dress.

Didn't carry flowers either.

I think it was our dads. Which was another reason for phoning him a week or two beforehand to check he and Mum were coming ...

I didn't have a hen night either or a huge dress but was speaking of the traditional role of the bridesmaid.

If you have a few drinks with friends that's a hen night and what it always used to be.

Surely you can remember who the witnesses were.:o

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

I think ALL weddings I've attended parents have been the witnesses ....or a stand in - like a brother when the Dad had passed.

I can't think of anything odder than not having non family be the witnesses when close family is present. Perhaps if families aren't close - but not a usual custom.

Same here. That's why I asked Torry who was meant to do it, because I'd never heard of the tradition of the Bridesmaid and best man doing it.

duchy

Often these things are regional.
It might be Torry has assumed that it is the same everywhere when it seems clear that isn't the case

I didn't have a hen night either- I didn't see the point. My friends weren't going anywhere and I'd still be seeing them after the wedding. Perhaps if I was moving away after the wedding or my husband was the type to expect me to only socialize with him exclusively after we were married I might have seen more point - but I didn't need an excuse for a glorified booze up . I think the US bridal shower tradition that involves all generations to "send the bride off" is far more appropriate than a pub or nightclub p*ss up (and can still involve alcohol if required ).

missbiggles1

duchy wrote: »

I think ALL weddings I've attended parents have been the witnesses ....or a stand in - like a brother when the Dad had passed.

I can't think of anything odder than not having non family be the witnesses when close family is present. Perhaps if families aren't close - but not a usual custom.

And I've never been to a wedding where they have! In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I always thought it was one of the "official" roles of the best man and bridesmaid.

Isn't it strange how people can see things so differently?