Middle child as an adult, choosing a maid of honour

TBagpuss

It's up to you, but it does sound as though you are all a bit hung up on roels and titles - you say you "should have been" godmother because you were maid of honour - which sounded very bizarre to me as the two are completely separate roles. It does sound a bit as though your sister is not the only one holding past grudges.

There is no rule which says that bridesmaids, or maids of honour, have to also be the witnesses to the wedding or sign the register - I've been a bridesmaid more than once, I have never been a witness; in my experience it is often the happy couple's parents who do that, but generally all you need is 2 warm bodies who can sign their names.

So: If your sister desperately wants to be a bridesmaid, why not let her?
If she wants to be part of the wedding and you don't want her as a bridesmaid, give her another role - a reading to do, maybe ask her to be one of the witnesses, whatever.

Obviously you don't have to have her as a bridesmaid or MoH of you don't want her, and of course however much her feelings are hurt at being left out it isn't nice of her to make a fuss, but equally, she is your sister, you (from what you say) have a good relationship with her kids which you presumably don't want to lose.

(And if you chose to call her Matron on Honour then she doesn't have to have the same dress as your maids, if you don't want her to.)

missbiggles1

TBagpuss wrote: »

It's up to you, but it does sound as though you are all a bit hung up on roels and titles - you say you "should have been" godmother because you were maid of honour - which sounded very bizarre to me as the two are completely separate roles. It does sound a bit as though your sister is not the only one holding past grudges.

There is no rule which says that bridesmaids, or maids of honour, have to also be the witnesses to the wedding or sign the register - I've been a bridesmaid more than once, I have never been a witness; in my experience it is often the happy couple's parents who do that, but generally all you need is 2 warm bodies who can sign their names.

So: If your sister desperately wants to be a bridesmaid, why not let her?
If she wants to be part of the wedding and you don't want her as a bridesmaid, give her another role - a reading to do, maybe ask her to be one of the witnesses, whatever.

Obviously you don't have to have her as a bridesmaid or MoH of you don't want her, and of course however much her feelings are hurt at being left out it isn't nice of her to make a fuss, but equally, she is your sister, you (from what you say) have a good relationship with her kids which you presumably don't want to lose.

(And if you chose to call her Matron on Honour then she doesn't have to have the same dress as your maids, if you don't want her to.)

I'd forgotten that bit!

Given that the OP says she comes from a Jewish family and is, herself, an agnostic, I wondered why she could ever have dreamed of being a Godmother!

Lighten up Jen, you above everybody should realise that life's too short for all this palaver!

heartbreak_star

PuzzledDave wrote: »

My own wedding was very modest, so many of these titles are somewhat of a mystery to me in their importance. Perhaps the problem could be solved by just inventing new titles and spreading them far and wide?

Maid of Delicious Alcohol
Maid of Tasty Treats
Chairperson of Outstanding Fashion
High priestess of Swing

Feel free to add other double entendres or old in-joke titles. Someone doesn't like their title ? Make up a new one with them.

I like this, I require this, if I get married I am absolutely going to do this :T

HBS x

pinkandblueshoe

Well I've learned something new on this thread, people get married at Disney?

pinkandblueshoe

The OP has said she doesn't want her big sister in her wedding at all, that's how you should go with it, otherwise if you don't, you'll end up resenting her for choices you feel you've been pushed into. You'll just need to take your chances that she doesn't decide to remove the kids from your wedding.

Personally, I don't see what tradition has to do with very much, if your wedding was so traditional, you probably wouldn't be getting married in America, I don't see why weddings have to follow some often outdated etiquette, you take the bits that make you happy and you go with it.

If people want to get married on a beach in a grass skirt or anything else that floats their boat, entirely up to them.

bookgirl_2

As the wedding is going to be small, could you decide to only have one or two 'little' bridesmaids, or even none at all? Otherwise you will end up having a good number of your female guests as bridesmaids.

We had a wedding with 60 guests, no bridesmaids/ushers. We each have a brother so they were the two witnesses. Simple and far less stress.

Pricivius

I've never quite understood the adult bridesmaid/MOH thing. It always looks a bit odd to me to have 3/4/5 women dressed in the same outfit or at least colour, which is unlikely to suit all of them. I'm not getting it - surely they would far prefer to choose their own outfit in a style and colour they like?

They can still have their hair done, help you in the morning and make sure Mickey and Goofy are in the right place etc. or fight over who gets to hold your dress up while you powder your nose in Cinderella's smallest room without needing a title.

Why bother? Not worth the hassle as far as I can see.

pinkandblueshoe

Again, I suppose its tradition that all the bridesmaids look the same.

Birdie85

pinkandblueshoe wrote: »

Well I've learned something new on this thread, people get married at Disney?

Of course they do! If you get the right package, Mickey and Minnie will even attend! Not everyone's cup of tea but I would have loved it! Annoyingly my DH wasn't interested in a Disney wedding until we went there for our honeymoon then was devastated that we hadn't chosen to get married there.

I'm another one who is glad to see that you're getting married GlasweJen, I remember back when you were on the transplant list so it's fab to see you planning a wedding now! :j

Since you're having a small wedding abroad it's actually a really good opportunity to cut the wedding party down. I got married abroad with a small group (17 of us in total) and only had 1 bridesmaid, any more and there wouldn't have been enough people to actually watch! Can you not have any grown bridesmaids and just have your nieces? If not, I like the suggestion of having both sisters as bridesmaids and, if you must have a MOH, asking your friend.

Good luck keeping everyone happy, unfortunately weddings do seem to bring out the worst in people!

silvercar

Both my sister and sister-in-law turned down my invitation to be my bridesmaids or maids of honour, said they would look too old in any sort of outfit that could be called a bridesmaid or MOH dress, even if I gave them free reign. They were 18 and 20 at the time. So I had just 2 bridesmaids that were 10 and 14. No bad feelings.