Issue re friend. LONG RANT

KiKi

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Seriously, thank you. Maybe I WILL try and just not respond (AGAIN!) and maybe she will eventually get the flaming message!

And yes Yvonne is right when she says I am thinking about it too much. But it IS annoying. The 2 months (ish) that I had no or little contact with her was bliss. But I feel like it has started over again.

One thing you may need to appreciate here - she may never get the message. She may not be that sort of person; she obviously doesn't think or behave like you do, so you can't expect the same behaviour that you'd display to someone else.

You had two months of no contact, and ran into her. She suggested she come over, and you're all worried about it! Just don't respond and enjoy another two months. And repeat.

In sort of fairness to her (although she sounds awful!), as you've never said to her "I don't want you round", she doesn't know not to suggest coming over. From her perspective, she simply hasn't seen you for a while and wants to catch up. She doesn't know you enjoyed not hearing from her. She doesn't know you find her boring.

So unless you're prepared to tell her that, all you can do is stop responding yourself, and stop worrying about not responding.

pigpen

Can you afford the holiday??? .... If I can't are you offering to pay?
How much do you earn? ... answer.. when did you last have sex? ... after she picks her face off the floor and asks why you would ask such a thing.. ask her why she thinks it is ok to ask about your financial situation... this can actually be done in a lighthearted/jokey type way so they never know if you are kidding about or not..

Just reflect the questioning back.. answer questions with questions, rudeness with rudeness..

And stop freaking texting her!! you sound like a desperate but scorned lover.. wanting a friendship but thinking this person is the only option.. broaden your horizons.. there are a few billion more people on the planet.

my friend and I go weeks without any contact.. we don't respond to each others every message if it isn't required.. its a waste of time.

Move on with your life..

Rebel_Cause

heuchera wrote: »

I have a neighbour who I try to avoid. I don't dislike her really, but she's always gossiping about other people and getting involved in all sorts of dramas with other residents, and whenever I see her she's always keen to give me the full run-down of who's done what, who's said what, who's up to no-good, who's been reported to the Police yadda yadda. I don't want to get involved.

This sounds like my MIL or anyone's MIL for that matter! :rotfl:

heuchera

Rebel_Cause wrote: »

This sounds like my MIL or anyone's MIL for that matter! :rotfl:

Well, I always think to myself, if she's sl@gging them off to me, what's she saying about me to them..

She one of those people who always seems to know everything about everyone. You wonder sometimes how she knows all this stuff.

Mojisola

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I haven't texted her or rang her or encouraged her (or her other half) or anything for about 3 months!

And it's just been so refreshing

Keep remembering how nice it is when they aren't in your life!

BUT... I have seen her in passing a couple of times in town this past 3 weeks, and she has chatted for about 10 minutes each time

Don't give her those 10 minutes in future. Don't stop, say hello and keep on moving past.

Then I saw her walking around about 3-4 days ago, and she said 'we will have to all go for a drink at the pub, or maybe we can come around yours; after all, you came around ours last...' And then she just waited for my response. I went blank, and then she said 'shall we come to yours this weekend?'

'Ummmm, I will have to see when hubby is available' I muttered.

This was Monday ... but we REALLY don't want her at our house, and FGS, we don't want to meet them at the pub either really.

The woman (and her husband) is not someone we want to really spend time with.

How can I deal with it? Just go to the pub ONCE (say near Christmas) to shut her up?

And rekindle the 'friendship'? No!

Or just don't get back to her?

Don't contact her at all.

meritaten

She sounds like a typical narcissist - the world revolves around HER and her issues.
my advice - keep her at arms length. do NOT let her into your home or your lives outside the pub.
just keep smiling and non committal when you run into her. she isn't a friend btw - so you have no need to feel obliged to her.

Starrystarrynight1

I wouldn't be worrying about causing bad feeling by distancing yourself from this person, OP. She clearly doesn't have much regard for your feelings, so she's not worth all the stress.

fierystormcloud

meritaten wrote: »

She sounds like a typical narcissist - the world revolves around HER and her issues.
my advice - keep her at arms length. do NOT let her into your home or your lives outside the pub.
just keep smiling and non committal when you run into her. she isn't a friend btw - so you have no need to feel obliged to her.

Mojisola wrote: »

Don't contact her at all.

Starrystarrynight1 wrote: »

I wouldn't be worrying about causing bad feeling by distancing yourself from this person, OP. She clearly doesn't have much regard for your feelings, so she's not worth all the stress.

Thanks so much ladies for your wonderful helpful comments. I think that just not contacting her at all is the way to go... I really don't want her as a friend, so I think not getting back to her is the best idea. (Hopefully she will get the message.)

I don't wanna fall out with her but do NOT want her in my house! And as I said, I am sick of her annoying noseyness and inappropriate questions!

If it was me I would have given up by now! But as someone said earlier, she is not me, and may not get the message (ie; not realise that I am 'not into her!')

pigpen

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I don't wanna fall out with her but do NOT want her in my house! And as I said, I am sick of her annoying noseyness and inappropriate questions!

So tell her.. next time you bump into her and she asks something rude or prying.. tell her.. you don't have to be rude, though it is more fun if you are .. just say exactly how you feel.. saying anything different is giving her room to repeat her behaviour and so you repeat yours.. it's a never ending circle ..

Try 'Do you ask everyone such rude intrusive questions or just me? I am quite frankly totally fed up of it! You appear to have no real interest in me unless I am parting with personal information so I see no point in continuing our association in this capacity'



About turn and carry on with your day.. she will either cry.. to gain more attention and make you feel bad.. do NOT give in.. or she will get angry.. again.. same as above .. or she will get the message and bad mouth you to everyone else who will already know just how vile her behaviour can be so not believe a word and congratulate you on standing up to her while wishing they had the balls to do it too!

(It works a treat.. I lived it and I'm a total pushover!)

Hermia

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Thanks so much ladies for your wonderful helpful comments. I think that just not contacting her at all is the way to go... I really don't want her as a friend, so I think not getting back to her is the best idea. (Hopefully she will get the message.)

I don't wanna fall out with her but do NOT want her in my house! And as I said, I am sick of her annoying noseyness and inappropriate questions!

If it was me I would have given up by now! But as someone said earlier, she is not me, and may not get the message (ie; not realise that I am 'not into her!')

I think the important thing is not to overthink your answers if you do bump into her and use the parrot technique. If she asks about your job/financial situation just say, "sorry, I do not discuss my financial situation". If she carries on just repeat the same thing over and over and don't get drawn into explaining your reasons.