Issue re friend. LONG RANT

heuchera

I have a neighbour who I try to avoid. I don't dislike her really, but she's always gossiping about other people and getting involved in all sorts of dramas with other residents, and whenever I see her she's always keen to give me the full run-down of who's done what, who's said what, who's up to no-good, who's been reported to the Police yadda yadda. I don't want to get involved.

If this woman had my mobile number I'd probably be tempted to 'lose' my phone and have to get a new number. Then forget to tell her the new one.

yvonne13_2

OP you sound like you're obsessed by this woman. You might not be, but that's how you sound to me. Stop giving this woman your energy and focus on your own things.
When she stops you for a quick chat just say you can't stop you have to be somewhere and keep on walking. When she asks you personal questions around your money etc just ask her why does she want to know.
What money you have or don't have is none her concern and you need to tell her that.
You also need to tell her that you don't want her inviting people or even inviting herself to your house. If and when you do you'll invite them over yourself. Don't give her reasons why just tell her straight.

Everything you sad about her on here you should be able to tell her to her face. You will only be free once you tell her how she makes you feel.

I hope you get it sorted soon.

fierystormcloud

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP you sound like you're obsessed by this woman. You might not be, but that's how you sound to me. Stop giving this woman your energy and focus on your own things.
When she stops you for a quick chat just say you can't stop you have to be somewhere and keep on walking. When she asks you personal questions around your money etc just ask her why does she want to know.
What money you have or don't have is none her concern and you need to tell her that.
You also need to tell her that you don't want her inviting people or even inviting herself to your house. If and when you do you'll invite them over yourself. Don't give her reasons why just tell her straight.

Everything you sad about her on here you should be able to tell her to her face. You will only be free once you tell her how she makes you feel.

I hope you get it sorted soon.

Thanks for the advice Yvonne.

But you may have misread my post. I am not 'obsessed with her. ' It seems to be the other way round actually. I mean, I had not contacted her at all, and a month and a half had gone by, and she texts me from Spain to tell me she is drinking tequila on her balcony. !!!!!!? :huh: I mean why?

And she wants to know about our financial situation and asks inappropriate questions ?? Why? I don't give a stuff about her private life OR her job issues.

All I want is for her to not contact me and stop asking to come to my house. As I said before, why can she not just see me at the social group and when we bump into her at the pub?

I just want to know how I can deal with this issue I mentioned ... should I just not get back to her?

yvonne13_2

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Thanks for the advice Yvonne.

But you may have misread my post. I am not 'obsessed with her. ' It seems to be the other way round actually. I mean, I had not contacted her at all, and a month and a half had gone by, and she texts me from Spain to tell me she is drinking tequila on her balcony. !!!!!!? :huh: I mean why?

And she wants to know about our financial situation and asks inappropriate questions ?? Why? I don't give a stuff about her private life OR her job issues.

All I want is for her to not contact me and stop asking to come to my house. As I said before, why can she not just see me at the social group and when we bump into her at the pub?

I just want to know how I can deal with this issue I mentioned ... should I just not get back to her?

OP tell her what you just told me.

fierystormcloud

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP tell her what you just told me.

I wish I could.

Why can I not just say this to her?

I don't know.

TopQuark

Seems to me you enjoy the drama and gossip and you keep the situation going for this reason.
Like others have said a million times already, just say you are not available and get on with your life instead of endlessly complaining and obsessing about her.

fierystormcloud

So Yvonne, do you think I should just not text back at all?

Or should I text and say 'sorry no can do for the foreseeable future. We are very busy...' ???

yvonne13_2

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I wish I could.

Why can I not just say this to her?

I don't know.

Because you are a wonderful sweet person that can't find it in your heart to come across like your hurting someone. You're actually hurting both of you and it's getting on your nerves, so please try and find the words to tell her what you know you need to say.

Good luck x

KiKi

Just don't go back to her.

You're making this worse for yourself. I understand what Yvonne means when she says you sound 'obsessed' - I don't think you're obsessed WITH her, but you're spending FAR too much time being bothered by it!!

She annoys you, and you're letting her because you do seem obsessed about knowing WHY she's so nosy and frustrating, or WHY she texted you from her holiday. There's no answer - she's just odd and annoying. Just don't respond, and don't worry about responding or not, and don't worry what she might be thinking or why she wants to spend time with you. You're spending energy caring about something that you don't need to.

(Energy that could be spent raising money for your New York trip. Can you really afford that trip, by the way? )

fierystormcloud

yvonne13 wrote: »

Because you are a wonderful sweet person that can't find it in your heart to come across like your hurting someone. You're actually hurting both of you and it's getting on your nerves, so please try and find the words to tell her what you know you need to say.

Good luck x

What a sweet post. Thank you! :j And yes you are right. I do need to try and say something, but it's not as easy as it sounds....

KiKi wrote: »

Just don't go back to her.

You're making this worse for yourself. I understand what Yvonne means when she says you sound 'obsessed' - I don't think you're obsessed WITH her, but you're spending FAR too much time being bothered by it!!

She annoys you, and you're letting her because you do seem obsessed about knowing WHY she's so nosy and frustrating, or WHY she texted you from her holiday. There's no answer - she's just odd and annoying. Just don't respond, and don't worry about responding or not, and don't worry what she might be thinking or why she wants to spend time with you. You're spending energy caring about something that you don't need to.

(Energy that could be spent raising money for your New York trip. Can you really afford that trip, by the way? )

DON'T BE NOSEY!!! :mad:





Seriously, thank you. Maybe I WILL try and just not respond (AGAIN!) and maybe she will eventually get the flaming message!

And yes Yvonne is right when she says I am thinking about it too much. But it IS annoying. The 2 months (ish) that I had no or little contact with her was bliss. But I feel like it has started over again.