Issue re friend. LONG RANT

fierystormcloud

To *max* I can assure you she IS very interested in my life, and she keeps trying to turn up and actually doing so sometimes with no warning. She is very nosey and very inquisitive and a bit catty to me and other people she knows, and she is getting on my last nerve yes.

I have to admit that I am probably doing the wrong thing in contacting her, but I did it out of politeness as I don't want to cause bad feeling by blanking her and shutting her out. You are all right that I should stop encouraging any kind of interest though.., and just be polite.

But as I said, I am sick of her only responding when it's something SHE wants to hear. If I had said (yesterday) 'wanna come to the pub,' she would have says YES immediately. She is clingy and annoying and as i said, keeps trying to turn up at my house. And she ignores half I say anyway!

I think I do need to try and give this relationship a wide berth and stop contact. Although it is HER that contacts first 90% of the time.

Thanks everyone. Sorry for my whining.

*max*

fierystormcloud wrote: »

To *max* I can assure you she IS very interested in my life, and she keeps trying to turn up and actually doing so sometimes with no warning. She is very nosey and very inquisitive and a bit catty to me and other people she knows, and she is getting on my last nerve yes.

No, she isn't. She is only interested in the bits that make good juicy gossip. She has no interest in your family, your health or anything else that does not make for entertaining conversation down the pub.

She is only interested in you insofar as you're a willing pub companion or provide entertainment (at your house). You are not the friend she needs, and she is not the friend you need.

Forget about being polite, or this will go on ad infinitum. Just be unavailable when she asks, and only talk to her when you meet in a group.

fierystormcloud

*max* wrote: »

No, she isn't. She is only interested in the bits that make good juicy gossip. She has no interest in your family, your health or anything else that does not make for entertaining conversation down the pub.

She is only interested in you insofar as you're a willing pub companion or provide entertainment (at your house). You are not the friend she needs, and she is not the friend you need.

Forget about being polite, or this will go on ad infinitum. Just be unavailable when she asks, and only talk to her when you meet in a group.

:T

I think that sums it up.

Thank you.

Thanks for listening everyone. I do appreciate all the responses.

Gotta fly now. Will be back later this afternoon.

And so NO I won't text her to find out why she couldn't be bothered to respond to my text from yesterday.

Andypandyboy

You can deal with this in one of three ways; look at the relationship disspassionately (as we are doing) what do you get from it? Seemingly, only aggravation, So, regardless of how often you physically see her at groups etc distance yourself, chat to her but then move to chat to someone else, let her text you, do not initiate contact, text back non committal responses. The "relationship" will soon dwindle and fizzle out.

OR you can have it out with her, tell her that it annoys the hell you tof you that she doesn't respond to texts and explain why. If she changes fine if not see option 1.

OR you can just accept that others (as some have said on here) text differently to you, if they perceive no response is neeed they don't give one. Maybe she is on pay as you go or only has a small number of text allowance and conserves it by not replying to every text.

I certainly wouldn't be bothering with someone who annoyed me as much as this "friend" annoys you though. Life is too short.

FatVonD

fierystormcloud wrote: »

or text to say 'did you not get my text?!'

Why on Earth would you add insult to injury by texting to ask 'did you not get my text' (you know, the one telling you you're not welcome here) :eek:

If you text that she'll probably be on another forum complaining that her friend hassles her if she doesn't reply to her texts when the conversation doesn't require a reply!

rach_k

I'd just reply 'no sorry' to any of her texts asking to meet up and don't expect a reply. At least then she won't turn up and you won't have wasted time typing a proper message.

People do see texting differently - for some, it's the same as a phone conversation so they wouldn't dream of not ending with some kind of acknowledgement. Others see it more like a note left on the fridge 'Gone out for milk' so they don't feel the need to reply. Maybe you're just different and maybe part of the reason she's the 'fridge' type is because she's only interested in what she wants to hear, but it doesn't really matter why, it just is. She doesn't seem to make you very happy so I'd let it go.

theoretica

From the examples given she seems to me to reply if a reply is needed - if she didn't reply to a pub message you probably wouldn't go. If you are out, you are out and aren't going to make a change of plans if she does or doesn't reply. Instead of texting back with so much detail why not just 'sorry we have other plans'.

I agree with the others she sounds like an acquaintance. I suggest you stop expecting her to be interested in things she isn't, but equally why not turn the conversation or zone out when she starts ranting about things you aren't interested in. If that reduces you to polite conversation about the cherry blossom and weather so be it! When she comes round can you invite her for a more specific length of time or get rid of her more firmly after a short visit even if it feels a bit rude?

Kaye1

I check my phone about twice a day. I have some friends who live on theirs and get frustrated that I don't reply IMMEDIATELY!!
It doesn't connect to the internet and I have it because we live in a rural area.
What's my point? Well, text/phone etiquette varies from person to person. If someone texted me, they would get an answer but never a long message as the phone takes forever to tap out a message.
She sounds like a nightmare and really you shouldn't be wasting your time faffing about with her and her issues.

Georgiegirl256

This is like Groundhog Day! You posted a very similar thread not so long back about this "friend". I actually feel sorry for her. It sounds like all she is doing is wanting to be a proper friend, not an aquaintence, you know, and do those things that's friends do like visit each other's houses, go for walks....

Why do you need a reply to your text? Some things don't warrant a reply.

itsanne

To be perfectly honest, as an outsider who generally uses texts only to pass on information and prefers to phone to make arrangements, your irritation with her about texts seems a lot of fuss about nothing. I wouldn't reply to the type of texts you are complaining that she doesn't.

It also seems, based on what you've said in this thread, that you don't really want much to do with her - so don't. It really is as simple as that. Don't text her, other than a simple "No, it's not convenient" if she texts suggesting she comes round. She'll get the message soon enough.