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Issue re friend. LONG RANT
fierystormcloud
Posts: 1,588 Forumite
I am just wondering how to handle this particular friend.
WARNING: LONG RANT!
Me and my OH go out with her and her OH every 5 or 6 weeks to the local pub; I have mentioned her on here before, she is the one who is nosey and asks inappropriate questions about income etc. They live about 15 mins walk from us.
Well she is narking me off because she seems to be someone who doesn't respond if it's something she doesn't want to hear.
Eg; the other week, she texted saying 'we are coming for a walk, and I thought we'd pop around to see you both, are you in?' I texted back and said (truthfully) 'we are out of the area on a shopping trip and won't be back til eightish tonight..' She did not respond to the text. (I know technically, my text didn't require a response, but it would have been common courtesy to have said 'Oh OK, see you soon then' or something.')
I texted the other week saying 'I hope you are both well; I won't be coming to the ladies group this week because we are visiting OH's aunt who isn't well.' (She lives 40 miles from us.) Nothing. No response.
She texted about a month and a half ago to say 'can we come around now as we are just back from the shops?' I texted back (again truthfully,) to say 'my OH's brother and his family are coming to visit. He lives 300 miles away and is in the area visiting their mother, so we are about to pop to see them for an hour ... we haven't seen him and his family for a few months.'
No response from her.
I texted the next day to say 'did you get my message' and she said 'yes I did!' Nothing else, just 'yes I did;' nothing about I hope you and your OH and your brother in law and his family have a good time together or anything.
On the other hand, when I text to say 'do you two want to go to the pub next Friday?' she answers immediately. 'Yes yes, what time?!'
It's like she doesn't respond unless it's something she wants to hear.
Even when I am in her company at the ladies get-together group in our small town or at the pub, she almost blanks me if I am discussing family members, sisters, nieces, and when I said we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary by going to a weekend and a show in London, she ignored me.
I know she has little family, (No nieces and nephews, parents died a number of years ago, one brother who never contacts her, who had no children,) and her OH won't marry her, so I don't know if she is a bit resentful, so she refuses to listen to stuff she doesn't want to hear. Like I said, if it was me texting to say 'wanna meet at the pub?' she would text back straightaway!
Also, I am a bit fed up of her thinking they can just pop around with no notice! And when they do they stay for HOURS... I am not a fan of having people stuck around my house to be honest, yet her and her OH - her moreso - keep trying to come around! Why can they not be satisfied with seeing us at the pub every 5 weeks or so and at the social groups we go to? WHY does she keep wanting to come around? I HATE it!
She texted me 2-3 weeks ago to see if we wanted to go for a walk with them, and OH was just about to go to work and I was feeling under the weather, so I texted her and said no, and she didn't respond to that either.
So I didn't do anything. Then I texted her yesterday. No response, as I said.
It's like she only texts or makes contact when it suits HER.
So I hadn't heard anything from her for about 3 weeks, (after she didn't reply to a text I sent responding to a request from her to come around again.) So last night (around 8) I texted her to say 'I hope you are both well, what you been up to? I have got a bit of a cold. Hope your new job is going well.'
Nothing. It's like she only replies if the answer suits her.
I know they are alive because I have seen them walk past our house 4 or 5 times in the past 3 weeks... they walk past and look at the house for ages, as if contemplating coming to knock the door!
Another thing is; she has had about 7 jobs since we first met them 1.5 to 2 years ago, and does nothing but whine and complain about them constantly. It gets very stressful. We went out to the pub at Christmas, and she spent the first hour and a half talking about her latest job issues and how everyone is wrong but her. Yet when I started to talk about my niece, she blanked me and walked away.
She seems like a very resentful and jealous type who - as I said - doesn't respond to anything unless it suits her, and it's what she wants to hear. As I said in my last thread about her, she seems resentful that I work part time, and makes very catty remarks about her OH's two sister-in-laws, saying they are sooooo jealous of her big house. 'They only have small houses' she says, 'and you can see how jealous they are!' I am sure they are not.
After my text yesterday, I don't know whether to text again and say 'did you get my text?' Or just not bother. My OH says I should say 'did you get my text?' and if she just texts back and says 'yes I did' with NO other response, don't acknowledge that text, and when she sends another one to me, just ignore it.
I know some may say 'why even bother with this woman if she irks you so?' But it's tricky because we live close, we go to the same social groups, and have several of the same friends in the small town in which we live. It's not like it's an ex colleague who we never see.
Also, if I don't respond to her texts, she comes around my house to find out why! As I said, she ignores half I say, and half my texts, if they're something she doesn't want to hear, but then she keeps rabbiting on about things she DOES want to talk about, like her latest job or how me and my OH manage to survive with me only working 3 days.
She also keeps demanding to know when we are going on our trip to New York, and has mentioned that about 7 times! I am not sure WHEN we are going yet! I wish I hadn't mentioned it to her! She keeps saying 'can you afford it?' and 'it's rather expensive isn't it?' Really nosey and rude!
Sorry to whinge; first world problems and all that, but how would you handle this situation? And her not bothering to respond to my texts unless it's something SHE wants to hear. And should I text her again, to ask her if she got my text from yesterday evening?
Me and OH are mid 30s BTW, and she and her OH are mid 40s.
WARNING: LONG RANT!
Me and my OH go out with her and her OH every 5 or 6 weeks to the local pub; I have mentioned her on here before, she is the one who is nosey and asks inappropriate questions about income etc. They live about 15 mins walk from us.
Well she is narking me off because she seems to be someone who doesn't respond if it's something she doesn't want to hear.
Eg; the other week, she texted saying 'we are coming for a walk, and I thought we'd pop around to see you both, are you in?' I texted back and said (truthfully) 'we are out of the area on a shopping trip and won't be back til eightish tonight..' She did not respond to the text. (I know technically, my text didn't require a response, but it would have been common courtesy to have said 'Oh OK, see you soon then' or something.')
I texted the other week saying 'I hope you are both well; I won't be coming to the ladies group this week because we are visiting OH's aunt who isn't well.' (She lives 40 miles from us.) Nothing. No response.
She texted about a month and a half ago to say 'can we come around now as we are just back from the shops?' I texted back (again truthfully,) to say 'my OH's brother and his family are coming to visit. He lives 300 miles away and is in the area visiting their mother, so we are about to pop to see them for an hour ... we haven't seen him and his family for a few months.'
No response from her.
I texted the next day to say 'did you get my message' and she said 'yes I did!' Nothing else, just 'yes I did;' nothing about I hope you and your OH and your brother in law and his family have a good time together or anything.
On the other hand, when I text to say 'do you two want to go to the pub next Friday?' she answers immediately. 'Yes yes, what time?!'
It's like she doesn't respond unless it's something she wants to hear.
Even when I am in her company at the ladies get-together group in our small town or at the pub, she almost blanks me if I am discussing family members, sisters, nieces, and when I said we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary by going to a weekend and a show in London, she ignored me.
I know she has little family, (No nieces and nephews, parents died a number of years ago, one brother who never contacts her, who had no children,) and her OH won't marry her, so I don't know if she is a bit resentful, so she refuses to listen to stuff she doesn't want to hear. Like I said, if it was me texting to say 'wanna meet at the pub?' she would text back straightaway!
Also, I am a bit fed up of her thinking they can just pop around with no notice! And when they do they stay for HOURS... I am not a fan of having people stuck around my house to be honest, yet her and her OH - her moreso - keep trying to come around! Why can they not be satisfied with seeing us at the pub every 5 weeks or so and at the social groups we go to? WHY does she keep wanting to come around? I HATE it!
She texted me 2-3 weeks ago to see if we wanted to go for a walk with them, and OH was just about to go to work and I was feeling under the weather, so I texted her and said no, and she didn't respond to that either.
So I didn't do anything. Then I texted her yesterday. No response, as I said.
It's like she only texts or makes contact when it suits HER.
So I hadn't heard anything from her for about 3 weeks, (after she didn't reply to a text I sent responding to a request from her to come around again.) So last night (around 8) I texted her to say 'I hope you are both well, what you been up to? I have got a bit of a cold. Hope your new job is going well.'
Nothing. It's like she only replies if the answer suits her.
I know they are alive because I have seen them walk past our house 4 or 5 times in the past 3 weeks... they walk past and look at the house for ages, as if contemplating coming to knock the door!
Another thing is; she has had about 7 jobs since we first met them 1.5 to 2 years ago, and does nothing but whine and complain about them constantly. It gets very stressful. We went out to the pub at Christmas, and she spent the first hour and a half talking about her latest job issues and how everyone is wrong but her. Yet when I started to talk about my niece, she blanked me and walked away.
She seems like a very resentful and jealous type who - as I said - doesn't respond to anything unless it suits her, and it's what she wants to hear. As I said in my last thread about her, she seems resentful that I work part time, and makes very catty remarks about her OH's two sister-in-laws, saying they are sooooo jealous of her big house. 'They only have small houses' she says, 'and you can see how jealous they are!' I am sure they are not.
After my text yesterday, I don't know whether to text again and say 'did you get my text?' Or just not bother. My OH says I should say 'did you get my text?' and if she just texts back and says 'yes I did' with NO other response, don't acknowledge that text, and when she sends another one to me, just ignore it.
I know some may say 'why even bother with this woman if she irks you so?' But it's tricky because we live close, we go to the same social groups, and have several of the same friends in the small town in which we live. It's not like it's an ex colleague who we never see.
Also, if I don't respond to her texts, she comes around my house to find out why! As I said, she ignores half I say, and half my texts, if they're something she doesn't want to hear, but then she keeps rabbiting on about things she DOES want to talk about, like her latest job or how me and my OH manage to survive with me only working 3 days.
She also keeps demanding to know when we are going on our trip to New York, and has mentioned that about 7 times! I am not sure WHEN we are going yet! I wish I hadn't mentioned it to her! She keeps saying 'can you afford it?' and 'it's rather expensive isn't it?' Really nosey and rude!
Sorry to whinge; first world problems and all that, but how would you handle this situation? And her not bothering to respond to my texts unless it's something SHE wants to hear. And should I text her again, to ask her if she got my text from yesterday evening?
Me and OH are mid 30s BTW, and she and her OH are mid 40s.
cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:
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Comments
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You clearly don't like her so just let the friendship fizzle out. You mention a couple of times that after three weeks or so you have been the one to text to reignite things so just don't do it., maybe she has already got the message and you are confusing the issue.Make £25 a day in April £0/£750 (March £584, February £602, January £883.66)
December £361.54, November £322.28, October £288.52, September £374.30, August £223.95, July £71.45, June £251.22, May£119.33, April £236.24, March £106.74, Feb £40.99, Jan £98.54) Total for 2017 - £2,495.100 -
I am not sure why you keep texting this woman if you find her so annoying.
Either accept her for who she is, or move on and don't waste your life thinking about why she didn't respond to a text.
If she has texted you asking to meet up, and you have replied saying you are out, then i am nit sure this warrants a reply. You could have perhaps replied suggesting an alternative date?Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
You clearly don't like her so just let the friendship fizzle out. You mention a couple of times that after three weeks or so you have been the one to text to reignite things so just don't do it., maybe she has already got the message and you are confusing the issue.
But it is almost always her who texts first, and texts to say 'can we come around!' :eek: Then when I say no, she doesn't message back, as it's not what she wants to hear. She never hardly responds to ANYTHING I say unless it's what she wants to hear, and she never wants to hear about my family or what me and OH have been doing, but we always have to hear about HER and HER life and HER issues!
I'm not gonna lie, I hope she HAS got the message.
The point is, she never answers me unless it's something SHE wants to hear.cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:0 -
I am not sure why you keep texting this woman if you find her so annoying.
Either accept her for who she is, or move on and don't waste your life thinking about why she didn't respond to a text.
If she has texted you asking to meet up, and you have replied saying you are out, then i am nit sure this warrants a reply. You could have perhaps replied suggesting an alternative date?
It's not that easy though as I see her in our small town at social events and we have several mutual friends.
The question is, she has ignored my text YET AGAIN - so should I just forget it and ignore HER when SHE messages again, or text to say 'did you not get my text?!'
(sorry for my rantiness!)
She texted ME 3 weeks ago to see if we wanted to go for a walk with them, and OH was just about to go to work and I was feeling under the weather, so I said no, and she didn't respond to that either.
So I didn't do anything. Then I texted her yesterday just out of politeness, and she didn't respond.
It's like she only texts or makes contact when it suits HER.
It will be hard to cut her off altogether - as I said - because of our mutual friends and groups etc, but I just wish she would quit trying to come around our house, and then seemingly sulking when I say no.
Also I don't want to arrange an alternative date as I don't want them to come to our home. She seems to be struggling to comprehend that.cooeeeeeeeee :j :wave:0 -
As I responded in your previous thread, she's not your friend she's an acquaintance and all you need do is treat her as exactly that..................
....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)0 -
If you can't meet her for whatever reason don't even bother explaining why - it doesn't sound like she's interested!0
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fierystormcloud wrote: »But I have only texted first twice in about six months. It is always her who texts first, and texts to say 'can we come around!' :eek:
I'm not gonna lie, I hope she HAS got the message.
The point is, she never answers me unless it's something SHE wants to hear.
There was absolutely no need for you to text her! The point is that you are keeping the relationship going for some strange reason - work out what you're getting from having someone who annoys you so much in your life and learn to let go.fierystormcloud wrote: »It's not that easy though as I see her in our small town at social events and we have several mutual friends.
The question is, she has ignored my text YET AGAIN - so should I just forget it and ignore HER when SHE messages again, or text to say 'did you not get my text?!'
Don't text her again.
When you see her at social gathering, be polite but mix with other people.
If they turn up at your house, say you're just about to go out and don't invite them in.0 -
If you said you can't meet why does she need to reply?
I asked a friend about meeting up today, yesterday. They finally replied a couple of hours later and said no off to spend the rest of the weekend with my mum.
I did not reply. As it did not warrant a reply. And what ever I said like have a nice weekend with your mum or what would be seen as being !!!!!y or sarky. So no point.
If you really don't like this woman then don't bother with her its simple.
Yours
CalleyHope for everything and expect nothing!!!
Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz
If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin0 -
Yes, forget the fact she has ignored the text. Yes, ignore any further texts that might come in future.
This is not a good friendship for you. You are not the right type of friend that this woman needs either.
Let the friendship go. No need for confrontation or anything, just be friendly when you bump into each other at social events, and leave it at that.0 -
Again with this woman...
She is NOT your friend. She's an acquaintance, and one you really don't like at that!
Don't text her to ask how she is, you're not really interested and it's hypocritical. Why do you care if she doesn't reply? Why is this affecting you so much? I really don't understand. Is it because you're annoyed she isn't as interested in your life as other people? Well, she isn't, just face it. Maybe she just likes going out and is not bothered about your family matters. Again: she is NOT your friend. Just let the "relationship" fizzle out, don't initiate contact because you are sending mixed messages.0
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