Here we can all be heard for a little while

Waves_and_Smiles

Good afternoon all!

RJ it is likely your lungs healing as Pyxis said. I swapped from cigs to e-cigs and had a terrible cough for the first month afterwards with breathlessness. It is apparently all the little cilia in your lungs that protect them springing back to life after being covered in tar! So get it checked out though if it continues.

I am better today. Yesterday was caused by me seeing a news programme. There were worlds of people dying through war in my mind and it was my fault and I couldn't save them. It was horrid at the time but it wasn't real and it's over now. I am still shaky but relatively ok, it was just a blip.

Pyxis

Oh dear, WaS, I'm sorry you saw that on the news.
Not surprised it set you off.

But it wasn't your fault in the slightest.
Not one jot.

Not not not your fault.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you Pyxis. All I could hear was screaming children and I couldn't find them and it had been my job to keep them safe. Their mothers were pleading with me to help and asking me what I had done to put their children in danger? It went on for about 45 minutes but felt a lot longer. I am sure people can guess which news article it was about asylum seekers trying to get to safety and a tragedy happening. I really do need to avoid things like that because somehow it always feels like my fault even though that's ludicrous. I am not that powerful.

Beforehand I was scouring every news article I could find about it while babbling to WaSp that we needed to take in an asylum seeker to sleep on our sofa, that we had to do something to help. I was even frantically putting our monthly money into spreadsheets to try to figure out how we could afford it. WaSp guessed that I wasn't well and fortunately persuaded me to take a couple of anti-psychotics in advance so the episode was shortened. I remember saying I would write to David Cameron, the UN and the Queen (?) because I had to save them. Then suddenly I wasn't in this world anymore and children were screaming for help and I knew that it was my fault.

It's all caught up with me being blamed for my parents deaths that has then become mixed up with psychosis, the only option is to continue to be careful of what I allow myself to see and read. I have a sore head because I pulled a fistful of my hair out although I don't remember doing so. Oh well, it's over. Now I just need to forget the images that I saw. Unfortunately I had a nightmare about them last night too, it will take a few days.

Waves_and_Smiles

Someone please nag me tomorrow to start a new thread for us. If I try it now I will mess it up but tomorrow should be fine. I shall keep the same title and make it part two as suggested.

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, thank you Pyxis. All I could hear was screaming children and I couldn't find them and it had been my job to keep them safe......

WaS one reason why I am glad that I don't have a tv and rarely read newspapers as so much doom and gloom in it.

It was not your fault, ever ever ever.

Yours

Calley

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Someone please nag me tomorrow to start a new thread for us. If I try it now I will mess it up but tomorrow should be fine. I shall keep the same title and make it part two as suggested.

What sort of time would you like the reminder?
It's important I'm there when you do it, because it's much better for me if I get the Etiquette onto the first page. Then it's much easier to do the reposts.

calleyw

Can someone tell me why I think that everyone else has a much more interesting and better life than me.

That they are doing exciting things while I am at home doing nothing. Which I know is not really true.

Today moping a bit. As still working through stuff and I am so annoyed at myself for a missed opportunity that I never thought was really there in the first place. But I have been told it was.

And now I can never have. And I messed it all up. And it was something that I wanted. It might never have worked out but I would have a liked a proper try to find out

I stink as not showered/washed in a couple of days. I feel ok but think I'm sliding back a bit with the binge eating and not showering. And today I was suppose to go for coffee with my husband and said I did not want. I should have done to get me out. But just could not face it.

Need a kick up the bum. Need to get out in the garden and do something tomorrow. Or do some decorating or something. Even Kathy is putting me to shame and she is just about to give birth LOL!!!

Why can't I enjoy what I have peace and quiet with no one else to think about. But I can't. Because I like to think about other people and spend time and make them happy. Maybe my problem of being a people pleaser. Who knows.

I think it might be the thought of another saturday night being spent on my own. As well as a weekend on my own.

I don't think I have enough in my life to keep me occupied. But don't know what to do. As I am not keen on clubs etc

Yours

Calley

Pyxis

It's not really a question of just joining clubs per se.
It's more a case of finding things that interest you and taking it from there.
Be it doing a local class in something, or going somewhere where you have a common interest with others. Music, reading, a sport, anything.

Or try something new that takes your fancy.

There are usually plenty of one-off talks and lectures. Check out the WEA or local colleges. They don't have to be particularly highbrow things. Could be local history for example.

A local museum might give talks and/or demonstrations.

Or a local historic building/stately home etc.

You don't have to talk to anyone, just buy a ticket or whatever, and go and sit down. Bury your head in a leaflet or something until the talk starts.

calleyw

Pyxis wrote: »

It's not really a question of just joining clubs per se.
It's more a case of finding things that interest you and taking it from there.
Be it doing a local class in something, or going somewhere where you have a common interest with others. Music, reading, a sport, anything.......

I know this going to sound really strange but we have a local speakers club which I have toyed with going to.

But its just getting in the door. As I have a real issue with going to places I don't know. And not knowing what is going to happen and what is expected of me.

Maybe I will get husband to come with me the first time and then go from there.

Yours

Calley

persa

calleyw wrote: »

Can someone tell me why I think that everyone else has a much more interesting and better life than me.

That they are doing exciting things while I am at home doing nothing. Which I know is not really true.

This is the first day I've had off in ages. I get really envious of people who stay in, watch telly and have early nights. I lead a really hectic, wonderful but sleep-deprived life. Trust me, the grass isn't greener on the other side. It's just... different.

calleyw wrote: »

Today moping a bit. As still working through stuff and I am so annoyed at myself for a missed opportunity that I never thought was really there in the first place. But I have been told it was.

And now I can never have. And I messed it all up. And it was something that I wanted. It might never have worked out but I would have a liked a proper try to find out

I'm going through something similar. I don't have an answer for you there. But I'm trying to rationalise in my head why it wouldn't have worked out and I'm trying to get over it that way.

calleyw wrote: »

I stink as not showered/washed in a couple of days. I feel ok but think I'm sliding back a bit with the binge eating and not showering. And today I was suppose to go for coffee with my husband and said I did not want. I should have done to get me out. But just could not face it.

Need a kick up the bum. Need to get out in the garden and do something tomorrow. Or do some decorating or something. Even Kathy is putting me to shame and she is just about to give birth LOL!!!

Have a shower. You'll better for it. As for the binge eating, recognise that one binge meal isn't so bad, writing off the entire day and continuing to binge after is going to make those pounds creep on.

Why are you binging? The key is to figure out what's triggering this for you - is your discontent with your current situation? If so, make a cup of tea and start drawing up an action plan.

calleyw wrote: »

Why can't I enjoy what I have peace and quiet with no one else to think about. But I can't. Because I like to think about other people and spend time and make them happy. Maybe my problem of being a people pleaser. Who knows.

Have you thought about befriending work? You sound like a natural fit. http://www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/relationships-and-family/befriending-services-combating-loneliness/

calleyw wrote: »

I think it might be the thought of another saturday night being spent on my own. As well as a weekend on my own.

To me, that sounds brilliant. It's all about your perception. You see a weekend in by yourself as boring and lonely. To me, I see an opportunity to have a nice long hot shower, flop around and do some baking. You can never do too much baking. Someone will always share what you've made...

calleyw wrote: »

I don't think I have enough in my life to keep me occupied. But don't know what to do. As I am not keen on clubs etc

A lot depends on where you are. Are you in a big city or quite rural? If you're quite rural, you'll need a bit more imagination.

Have you thought about blogging? You can get started with very few IT skills using Wordpress or Blogger and it doesn't matter how young or old you are. The internet can be quite forgiving sometimes. You just have to have something to blog about - doesn't matter what, as long as it's something you personally find interesting. Gardening, maybe?