Here we can all be heard for a little while

Georgiegirl256

codemonkey wrote: »

Worked out that my mood earlier was down to totm which is imminent. Someone please remind me to phone the nurse for a smear appointment as they've taken to sending forceful letters.

I need to book an appointment for that too. I know it needs to be done, but since having to go along to the doctors so often with my Mam and Dad, I feel quite anxious if I need to go now, like I'm developing a phobia of some sort. Kind of like I have with the opticians.

codemonkey

Ok Georgie, I'll go if you and MU go too.

I don't actually find it too much of an ordeal after all the fertility investigations. When radiographers are coming at you with dildocam and shoving tubes through your cervix, a smear isn't a big issue. I'be just been prodded by so many medical professionals lately, I just want to be left alone.

Georgiegirl256

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I need a smear test too code put it off for too long. Gonna try to sort one for next week, or when i next have the time off. Maybe we can both aim to sort an appointment out?

thanks elsien. i don't think i ever properly grieved. like at the time i just carried on with work and uni. i think thats why 9 years on it still gets to me. i dont really know how to deal with it? i could cry but not sure if that helps or not i know it sounds silly but i just wish i could talk to her one last time, just for long enough for me to apologise for not seeing her before she died, to tell her how sorry i am that i was away at uni and never got to say goodbye, and that i miss her. she was such a huge part of my life. and it hurts to know i will never see her or talk to her again. she was ill in hospital before she passed and i begged my mum and dad to let me see her but they said she'd be ok and there was no need. in some ways im still angry at them, but angry at myself for not insisting got to se her. but the i think they were maybe trying to protect me, that they wanted me to remember her when she was well and not ill.

I think you're right about that last bit. If she was anything like my Granda, then she might not have wanted you to see her when she was ill. I remember begging my Mam to go and let me see my Granda, but she told me he didn't want me there as he was frightened that it would upset me too much seeing him in hospital attached to drips and things.

It's their way of protecting you, and I guess they do what they think is best at the time.

codemonkey

MU, just a thought but could you maybe write a letter to your nan, saying everything you wish you could have said. Then you could burn it and release the ashes into the wind?

Georgiegirl256

codemonkey wrote: »

Ok Georgie, I'll go if you and MU go too.

Ok, it's a deal!

Dildocam and tubes! :eek: I guess a smear does seem like less of an ordeal after having to go through that.

Anyhow, night all x x

System

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think you're right about that last bit. If she was anything like my Granda, then she might not have wanted you to see her when she was ill. I remember begging my Mam to go and let me see my Granda, but she told me he didn't want me there as he was frightened that it would upset me too much seeing him in hospital attached to drips and things.

It's their way of protecting you, and I guess they do what they think is best at the time.

!!!!!! i went to close the window and accidentally knocked my nan and gradad's picture and its fallen behind the radiator :mad: i can't get it out. (crying but wondering if this is my nan's kind of way of saying stop being silly, she did always have that sense of humour)

Possibly, i know i was the only one of us kids to see my Grandad before he died, and it was hard seeing him so ill and in so much pain, so perhaps they wanted to spare me going though that again? Plus my nan was a very proud woman and never liked feeling vulnerable i guess so it may have been her choice.

I think i might write a letter code. Might help to get it all out.

Flybaby

MU - don't worry - I have 10 years on you and now I want a glow in the dark duvet too!


Don't feel guilty about having grief - that shows that you loved and cared and there is no law on what is the acceptable way to show respect or grief. Just that you think of loved ones is enough. You don't have to go to a special place on a special day.


"If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heavens gate and bring you home again" Nuff said


Code - LMAO - when I first learnt to surf, the boys were always yelling at me that I needed to arch my back more and get my chest off the board to paddle properly - I was like " Guys, that is not my chest on the board!!". I actually ended up shaping a board specifically to accommodate my HH's.


I would be lost without my cement mixer, router, angle grinder, etc, but lately I am absolutely loving my new scorpion - if you have never seen a scorpion - its a black and decker reciprocating saw about the length of an A4 sheet of paper and I have yet to find anything it won't go through - trees chopped down, 4x4 timbers cut, decking boards cut - like cutting butter, effortless.

System

Well, i just sat down with the candle, and had a "chat". I know this probably seems crazy, but i just tried her imagine her being there, and say everything i felt i needed to say.

And i feel better.

Flybaby

Mu - what you did sounds perfect to me ((((((hug)))))
PENGUIN I go and lay a white rose on the steps of the nearest church I can find in honour of my best friend who was killed when we were 29. I am completely un-religious, but she was, so it is just a little thing to connect to her. Any church or place of worship will do and although I like to do it on Christmas Eve (as she was into Christmas) anytime I can do it is fine too. And if I can't physically do it and I am thinking of her - I doodle or draw a rose instead. No one knows that I do this. Grieving is a very personal thing. Maybe your lighting a nice candle could be your thing? You could get a scented one that is their favourite smell or one that you reminds you of them or just your favourite smell and anytime you want to show "the cosmos" you are thinking of them - light it up.
END PENGUIN


I am feeling constantly guilty about not working at the moment and am worrying about the damage it will do to my CV to have no job for 6 months. sigh

Flybaby

Sorry - end of penguin was supposed to say anytime you want - light it. You will know what it means.