Constant Nit-picking - tips or strategy to deal with

Georgiegirl256

[QUOTE=lazer;68456806
I make dinner and don't set the salt and pepper out, I get moaned at, I don't take salt and pepper so I just tell him if he wants it get it himself, but when I have spent hours making us a really nice dinner I want to hear that looks lovely etc, not where is the salt and pepper.

He has also been complaining that there is no food in the house all week, I am used to him not being here during the week and I eat my main meal work, so there is never really dinner food in the house, but my attitude is now if he wants food, he knows where the shop is.
[/QUOTE]

Aren't relationships meant to work as partnerships? If you know your OH likes S&P with his meal, then why don't you just put them out? My husband has salad cream with nearly everything (weird I know!), I don't have it with anything other than a salad. I still put it out for him.

When you're in the Supermarket buying your own food, how hard would it be to put something in for him too?

The above sounds more like a lodger set up rather than a couple. It seems like you're doing it to prove a point?

If people (not just you) do/do not do things on purpose, is it any wonder their partners get annoyed?

missbiggles1

lazer wrote: »

op, I completely understand how you feel, my husband is the same has to find the negative in eveverything.

I make dinner and don't set the salt and pepper out, I get moaned at, I don't take salt and pepper so I just tell him if he wants it get it himself, but when I have spent hours making us a really nice dinner I want to hear that looks lovely etc, not where is the salt and pepper.

He has also been complaining that there is no food in the house all week, I am used to him not being here during the week and I eat my main meal work, so there is never really dinner food in the house, but my attitude is now if he wants food, he knows where the shop is.

He is also a messy so and so, I tidy the kitchen before work, it's a mess when I get home so him moaning at me about a piece of rubbish nor being in the bin makes me wanna scream.

Unfortunately the negativity isn't just about the house,it's everything, he couldn't even say congratulations when I got a new job, had to find some negative in it, I don't drive with him in the car as I can't listen to the minor points he makes, but supposedly he is not complaining and trying to help, eggs: I don't turn off the heater or wipers before turning off the car, this gets mentioned as soon as I start the car, it's my car, I can leave the wipers in the on position if I want!

I refuse to be a servant, but his negativity really gets me down sometimes, but I am trying to deal with it,every relationship needs compromise,and it's even more difficult when I am used to having the house my way as he isn't here, but the key is to communicate, communicate and communicate, it's not easy but the important thing is as , don't focus on the things he does that a nnoy you (like the nit picking) instead focus on the things he does that please you (like the nice hug when you get home from work, the phone call just to say hello as he misses me, the way he makes me laugh etc)

Good luck op

Thank heavens my marriage isn't like this - I'm female but even I would divorce you!

duchy

no1catman wrote: »

What would happen if you bought something new, without his knowledge, and decided where the 'correct' place was for it?


?

He'd insist it wasn't correct and find the "right" place for it (I used to live with a man like this -It's a territorial thing - they don't even realize how much of a PITA they are)

Gigervamp

I don't understand why he thinks the dining room is the correct place for a handbag.

Surely it should be kept with the coats and shoes in the hall?

balletshoes

Gigervamp wrote: »

I don't understand why he thinks the dining room is the correct place for a handbag.

Surely it should be kept with the coats and shoes in the hall?

my coat and shoes live in my hall, my bag lives next to my chair in the living room.

fierystormcloud

My handbag moves about. Sometimes it will be in the hall cupboard, sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes in the lounge. It has no 'allocated' space.

missbiggles1

I'm just happy if I can find my handbag, wherever it is.

fierystormcloud

duchy wrote: »

He'd insist it wasn't correct and find the "right" place for it (I used to live with a man like this -It's a territorial thing - they don't even realize how much of a PITA they are)

Yep, some men CAN be like that!

It's a cross between being territorial, and thinking they know best, (like you can't possibly do anything better than them!)

ciderwithrosie_2

justme111 wrote: »

To people who say why should she feel she must not do this or that - life together is a compromise. Not "you don't like it ? - sod off " behaviour.

When I've told my OH if he doesn't like the way I do something he knows what the answer is, I didn't mean he should just sod off and leave, the answer is he should do it himself if he thinks he could do a better job.

For example, he moaned in the past about how the shopping was put away in the cupboards and FF, so I told him as he was so much better at organising and stacking things then that was down to him from now on.

We've been married 25 years so I think we've learnt compromise in that time and know exactly what each others strengths and weaknesses are.

Brecon_Beacons

Well I think you two deserve each other.

None of what you describe is about 'standards', or 'hygiene', or any other name you put on it.

It is all about CONTROL.

He is seeking to control you by micro-management. He's drawing up an endless, ever-changing list of 'rules' to which only HE has the guide. The 'cheeriness' with which he sets out to 'correct' you is chilling - it sounds psychopathic to me.

But YOU are seeking to control HIM by 'forgetting' to do things. Be truthful: you're not forgetting to clean a litter tray - which has an abusive impact on an animal you are responsible for - you are 'forgetting' because you a) don't want to do it, and b) you DO want to control your partner, by peeing him off.

Yep. You two deserve each other, in spades. I wouldn't want to meet either of you!