Constant Nit-picking - tips or strategy to deal with

Tamsin_Temrin

Great result!

Habits are hard to break, and he is in the habit of the lights/heating/sockets etc. I suggest that you put a repeating reminder on your phone @ every six weeks just to check how things are.

It would be great if you could spot early signs of socket sabotage before it really wrecked your marriage. You don't want to suddenly realise that its a year down the line and you are back at square one when an early word might have saved things.

hollydays

I've only just read this thread, what struck me is how you were starting to blame yourself- " it's me".

Be very careful you aren't slowly eased back into that .
I know you said it's not abuse but abusers use both rewards and punishments.
Treating you well in some ways- badly in many others it can be confusing .

You forget what " normal" is.

TBagpuss

I'm glad things have improved.
It might be worth sitting down to have a conversation with him now, while things are better, to see whether you can work out, between the two of you, ways to make sure that you keep better lines of cokmmunication open so that it doesn't have to get to the point of you losing your temper, another time.

His behaviour does sound excessively controlling and worrying - was it a recent thing? if so, it might also be worth exploring whether he is under stress in other areas of his life and whether this was an attempt to control *something* - if so, he might find counselling or therapy of some kind helpful to get to, and learn more appropriate coping strategies for, the under,lying cause.

If itis not recent but he has always ben like this, then while I wish you well, I would be wary as someone who is very controlling will find it hard to change, and you may want to hink about exit strategies if things do deteriorate again. Do you have some separate savings, for instance, so that in a worst case scenario you have some independence?

spirit

I like what 'Mrs Hughes' did to counteract Carson's controlling behaviour in Downton Abbey last night.

Primrose

I'd go up to the person concerned every time they start complaining, and with my finger and thumb, start picking imaginary nits out of their hair and flicking them onto the floor.

When you get a response like "Hey , what do you think you're doing?" just smile very sweetly and say. "Just doing what you're doing dear. Nitpicking!" .

After you've done this two or three times the message will probably get through!. :rotfl: