Should I bail my daughter out again?

robin58

scotsbob wrote: »

Yes she's family, your blood. What other reason do you need?

So after the 10th time she comes begging to be got out of debt, what would your answer be then.:cool:

POPPYOSCAR

No do not do it.


My brother, the baby of the family, was the only one of us constantly bailed out by our parents.


Even the inheritance he received was not enough to stop him ending up with an IVA as they were no longer around to help him out.

nannaanna

Having a debt problem once is easily done; twice is foolish and three times is absolutely ridiculous!!! She needs to get her spending under control - l suggest a visit to Citizens Advice or a Debt Management Company. At 23 she really must learn the error of her ways - Mum and Dad (nor friends and acquaintances) should not be foolish enough to bail her out every single time - what is happening now will continue forever if she doesn't have a severe kick up the backside!

florere

Sorry, I understand how you feel, but she has to learn, otherwise she will spend her whole life in debt, she hasn't listened twice already, she needs a reality check, besides it's not fair on those she owes money to.

Ebenezer_Screwj

If you keep on bailing her out you will do so indefinitely. If she is expecting bailiffs then she has been buying tangible assets which can be seized, instead of retaining money to pay bills and so on. You should refuse to give her any more money and let the legal process take its course. She might learn a valuable lesson from it.

Fitzmichael

How do/did he and the rest of you feel about this, then and now?

Fitzmichael

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

My brother, the baby of the family, was the only one of us constantly bailed out by our parents. Even the inheritance he received was not enough to stop him ending up with an IVA as they were no longer around to help him out.

How do/did he and the rest of you feel about this, then and now?

MacMickster

At 23 your daughter is no longer a child, but doesn't appear to have learned about adult responsibility.

You need to sit her down and give her 2 options.

1. You will treat her as an adult and refer her to the organisations that have already been suggested who will help her to deal with her debt problems. You will help her to plan how to manage her finances in the future.

2. For the last time (and only if YOU can EASILY afford it) you will treat her as a child. Pay off her debts but take full control of her finances for a period of at least 6 months (or until her debt to you is repaid if longer). Give her pocket money to live on along with regular discussions/lessons about how you are planning and managing her finances, before eventually handing control back to her.

Ensure that she knows that if there is a 4th episode of debt problems then only option 1 will be on the table in future - and stick to that no matter how hard it is to do so.

Good luck.

LaurenJ89

To say it's the parents fault is terrible. My sister and I were brought up in the exact same way with the exact same rules. My sister is 29 and has been in debt since she was 18, I am 26 currently saving a deposit for my first flat as I don't want to rent and I have no debts to my name.


My sister has always had a total disrespect for money, my parents bailed her out many times, always a loan as well that she had to repay, they never just gave her the money she needed. When they eventually turned around and said no she went elsewhere, Wonga, friends, me, everywhere she could. Eventually though her resources dried up and she finally seems to be learning. She went for a promotion for a better salary and started doing overtime to earn more money to pay the debt off and she has 2 months before she will be debt free, for the first time in her life. The most she ever asks for now is £30 for some petrol till payday, and even that is once every 3 months or so.


Sometimes tough love is the only way to permanently teach the lesson...


For the record, my parents brought their house for £90K 25 years ago, it's now worth around £350K with a mortgage that will be paid off in 5 years and I wouldn't in a million years expect them to sell to give me a deposit, it is really hard at the moment, but it's not my parents fault, they've worked hard and "paid their dues", now it's my turn to do the same thing. I'll be much prouder buying my own place knowing I did it myself with no help than if it were handed to me on a plate. If you want something bad enough, you will do it.

suziebow

zulubabe wrote: »

How about advising her to go to Citizens Advice? That way you aren't bailing her out but she shouldn't have the bailiffs round as they should help?

I cannot recommend this enough. I used to work for a CAB and people do not understand just how much they can do. Speaking to one of their financial advisers can help clear the debt in manageable payments herself. They will help her to clearly budget her money, find out about any other benefits she might be entitled to (though this is never guaranteed and should not be the way to get out of debt) their support does not waver until all the debt is cleared and she is back on her feet without getting into more debt.
If you want to teach her this is definitely an answer. You could even go with her to make sure she is comfortable.