Should I bail my daughter out again?

Drunk_Monkey

Fujiko wrote: »

I see a lot of 20 year olds and I would say very few of them are struggling. They all have up-market mobiles, fairly new cars, holidays and plenty of money for what must be very expensive nights out- which seem to involve getting legless - once or more times a week.

You're a Daily Mail reader, aren't you? :undecided

Fujiko

Drunk_Monkey wrote: »

You're a Daily Mail reader, aren't you? :undecided[/QUOTE

No, the Telegraph every day and sometimes the Guardian.

Satriale

I would suggest giving her the numbers for DebtHelpline and Stepchange and perhaps a food shop delivery so she doesn't starve.

If you want to bail her out, ask her to set up a payment plan and charge interest.

I know novelist India Knight said her second bankruptcy made her pull herself together.

That said, I do have sympathy. Everything costs more when you are poor, and sometimes people really can end up in debt through no fault of their own.

meknowalot-51

Sorry to say this but it's your fault that she keeps getting into debt,what sort of education did you give her as a child.Your not helping this 23 year old by bailing her out when she fails to do some basic maths.If she is good with numbers then i can only assume that your seen as a bit of a soft touch,after the first time of bailing her out you were a bit weak and gullable.Second time was just confirmation for her to go and spend as your going to pick up the bill and unbelievably your on the verge of doing just that.You've said that over the years you have tried to teach her to budget well now it's time for some education on consequences.To bring the message home loud and clear don't make up excuses,let her know you have savings and there for you,this is what budgeting properly does.

Neiltheblue

My mum used to do this for me, she gave up when I was 29 and I was declared bankrupt and living in a bedsit.


15 years later I'm just about to pay off my mortgage this year, I'm debt free other than a small overdraft and her stopping bailing me out didn't just solve the problem but forced me to sort myself out generally, and by the sounds of things your daughter isn't as reckless as I was.


If you're in a position to help and don't want to put her in that position, why not tell her you'll pay the debt off, provided you can have full control over her finances. Keep hold of her current account card, cut up credit cards and change passwords on her online accounts, then get her a prepaid credit/debit card and drip feed her money for day to day expenses.


You sound like a good mum (so was mine) but tough love is sometimes better.


Good luck.

mrsk

She needs to learn money management. Send her to CAP - let them explain it all. Then, possibly, bail her out with a loan but only when it becomes clear that she has learned something and changed her ways.

debstardeb

I was in this situation, my parents didn't bail me out and it was the only way I learnt to handle my own finances. I researched debt advice, prepared a budget and worked out affordable monthly repayments. If your daughter works out what she can really afford to pay off each month to each creditor and writes to them explaining her situation and her proposal, in all likelihood they should accept.

I agree with one of the posters above that you think you are helping her by bailing her out, but you are not. It will benefit her in the long term to learn to budget and live within her means. Of course she will be upset, but eventually she will thank you for it.

ricky_v

dillydilly wrote: »

'course you should, and think about giving her help with a deposit to buy somewhere. You're living free of mortgage in your fancy detached worth over £400k that you bought for under £100k, no wonder kids in the 20s are struggling. There's been a huge transfer of wealth over the past 20 years and it worries me how people in their 20s are going to get established at all.

Speaking as somebody in their mid 20's, I managed to aquire a property (at 22 years old) and saved the entire deposit through careful budgeting and hard work, not winging about how my mother's house has gone up in value and expecting something for nothing.

IMO the daughter in question should learn to do the same.

sisbis

your daughter needs help and as a parent you need to do that but in a way that she know that she needs to start taking responsibity. so my advice give her 40% of what she's asking for tell that is all you can afford. and decrease the 40% by 10% every time she comes to you that way she'll learn to manage. she'll be conscious of the fact you don't have much to offer her.

minicooper272

To a certain extent, i think it depemds on the circumstances. If she is in a low paid job, but has a guaranteed monthly income (not shifts or zero hours), she needs to learn to live within her means. You won't be able to bail her out forever. I would probably give her the bare minimum to stop the baillifs from coming round, but tell her it must be repaid, and be firm that if she doesn't get things under control, you're not going to help out again.

However, i think that if she is on a fluctuating income for any reason, I would be more willing to help out with a little bit more. You do have to make sure she understands that this can't always happen, and either encourage her to find a better job or encourage her to move home to save money.