Should I bail my daughter out again?

rwgray

Keep bailing, this is a job for life!

She'll let you off the hook when you're dead...

...or more likely when she has Lasting Power of Attorney and you're lady gaga.

My ex-wife from a 1-year marriage only stopped calling when our son was old enough to beg for himself. He doesn't often ask for a "loan" but I guess we all know it's a pay-forward loan deal, not a pay-back. And he's most welcome to it.

Rich.x

happyinflorida

NO!

Give her the telephone number for credit.org - which is recommended for use by Martin.

Here's the website http://credit.org/credit-counseling/

She needs to learn how to budget and they will teach her how to.

Knit_Witch

LaurenJ89 wrote: »

To say it's the parents fault is terrible. My sister and I were brought up in the exact same way with the exact same rules. My sister is 29 and has been in debt since she was 18, I am 26 currently saving a deposit for my first flat as I don't want to rent and I have no debts to my name.


My sister has always had a total disrespect for money, my parents bailed her out many times, always a loan as well that she had to repay, they never just gave her the money she needed. When they eventually turned around and said no she went elsewhere, Wonga, friends, me, everywhere she could. Eventually though her resources dried up and she finally seems to be learning. She went for a promotion for a better salary and started doing overtime to earn more money to pay the debt off and she has 2 months before she will be debt free, for the first time in her life. The most she ever asks for now is £30 for some petrol till payday, and even that is once every 3 months or so.


Sometimes tough love is the only way to permanently teach the lesson...


For the record, my parents brought their house for £90K 25 years ago, it's now worth around £350K with a mortgage that will be paid off in 5 years and I wouldn't in a million years expect them to sell to give me a deposit, it is really hard at the moment, but it's not my parents fault, they've worked hard and "paid their dues", now it's my turn to do the same thing. I'll be much prouder buying my own place knowing I did it myself with no help than if it were handed to me on a plate. If you want something bad enough, you will do it.

Likewise here! My late sister burned though money to the extent that I used MY CC nearly up to the max to pay her utilities purely so that her 5 yo daughter didn't suffer, the only time we asked for help was when we were both out of work (come to think of it we never asked - my Da offered AND we paid him back!) - my sis was still in debt and my Da had to clear it when she died, I was listed as a creditor, as were my parents, quite frankly I think a visit from the Bailiff or being made bankrupt may have helped because all we did was allow her to keep doing the same things

happyinflorida

minicooper272 wrote: »

I would disagree with this. While my parents own their house outright, and while it has appreciated in value, they absolutely don't have luxury cars, and I don't remember the last time they had a holiday. My Dad considers the house to be an investment to look after us "kids" when they are no longer around, so they actually won't benefit from the rise in house prices at all. They can sell up and downsize, but at the end of the day, the property they would buy has also risen at the same rate of inflation, so it's not freeing up anything more than it would have done had prices not risen...

One thing your parents haven't thought about and may not know is that if they need to go into a care home when they're older, their house will be sold to pay for it.

This is a big minefield and needs looking into so that if they loose their capacity through dementia, they have planned for this, through a solicitors.

Please don't leave this matter.

stmartinsdiver

You know you're going to bail her out again whatever common sense tells you. I would suggest that you need to draw a line under things though otherwise nothing will change and I'd ask your daughter to show you how she's got into this muddle again and how she proposes to pay you back if you loan her the money. If she's not prepared to be open and honest with you then saying 'no' might just give her the boot up the backside she perhaps deserves - and then you'll lend her the money anyway of course.

MNM2903

ive been here constantly lending and its a viscious circle. Never ending debt. I have just paid of the last of my debt late last year after tackling the issue head on myself. Let her deal with it she will be fine and she will learn and in the end

The_Earl

Whenever our Dad lent us any money he would charge the going rate in exchange rates, well he is a retired accountant! Tell you what though, you learn quick and atleast it keeps the debt in the family

System

My parents bailed me out several times when i was at uni, the last time it happened, i did ring them again, but not to ask them for money. More to ask them if they'd let me access my small inheritance from my grandparents. I'd realised that i couldn't keep asking them to help me, that this was my mess to clear up, and i should be paying for it out of my own money. Quite a chunk (well all of it) ended up baing used to clear the debts, but that was was my choice and i think my parents respected me for the fact i'd accepted it was on me to sort it out.

She has to learn for herself that she is the one who is responsible. Whether that means a debt management plan or using savings, of contacting CAB, she has to do it for herself.

ajr77

We helped out my stepson, a similar age and debt - but it was made clear at the start it was a loan (which did not initially go down well, but he came to appreciate). We sat down with him and had an honest conversation about what his earnings and outgoings were, then (allowing for essential outgoings and a little bit of contingency only) we said we expected the difference to be paid back each month. We worked out that if he didn't have any luxuries or nights out for about six months he would be able to do it. It was hard to start with but as he found ways of economising on outgoings such as buying pasta in megabulk, all own brand etc plus the little bit of contingency we had built in, he could see the bank balance beginning to grow albeit slowly and that was an incentive so that in fact he ended up paying us a month early and was able to have his first night out in ages. He can still only have treats them when he has earned them but now he has learnt how to budget he can enjoy those treats so much more as he knows he has worked for them. Good luck!

GazHatesBanks

The_Earl wrote: »

Whenever our Dad lent us any money he would charge the going rate in exchange rates, well he is a retired accountant! Tell you what though, you learn quick and atleast it keeps the debt in the family

Hope he declared the income on interest to the tax man:rotfl:.