Should I bail my daughter out again?

Pixie5740

I think MSE Nick should focus on paying his fair share in rent in his imaginary flat with his imaginary flatmate rather than bailing out his imaginary daughter.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5235938

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Drunk_Monkey wrote: »

32k worth of debt is an absolute disgrace and expecting anyone to cover *that much money* is an insult. If you asked me that, I wouldn't talk to you again for years ...

2k, on the other hand, is not that much. I think the parents should bail out their daughter and have a serious discussion about the situation, and arranging a payment plan. I suspect that this didn’t happened in a serious way after the last two bailouts. The effect of a CCJ or default on a credit file is catastrophic, and she is still young.

Firstly: You don't know the circumstances of the debt me and my ex had and I think what's actually "disgraceful" is making comments like that. I had joint finances with someone who was, and still is, rubbish with money. At the time I didn't know much about finances either (I was 19 and this was my "first" serious boyfriend) and I thought I was doing a "good" thing in letting him control things as he said he would. What then happened was the rent didn't get paid, the council tax didn't get paid, neither did the gas, electric or water. The car broke and he convinced me to sign to be a guarantor then didn't pay for it, He then went over drawn on a joint account - All of which I am half liable for as my name was on everything along with his. I was young and stupid and was taught the hard way, paying off debts that he had racked up all because I wasn't clued up on what was happening. I actually didn't know that was the outstanding balance until baliffs turned up at the door threatening to take things - I made him spill the beans on what was happening. As far as I knew everything was being paid.

Secondly: No where did I state I asked for £32k, and I wouldn't. When the baliffs came they said they wanted an immediate payment of £1,000 or they were taking stuff to that amount (I now know they couldn't without a court order but hey ho...) but at the time I didn't know this and was petrified. I called my mum and asked to borrow £1,000 until pay day (which was a week away) and she refused. She told me that we had gotten into the mess and we needed to get out of it. The baliffs agreed to wait a week and we started from there. We got all the paperwork, worked out who we owed what to, did a budget, wrote to companies offering XX amount and we started paying everything back. The "easy" option would have been to go bankrupt, I refused to and we worked hard to clear it all - we then broke up and I was forced to budget for myself to ensure nothing like that ever happened to me again. I'm pretty independent now, to the point that I'm probably OTT with it! It's put me off joint finances, ever getting married and I'm obsessed with checking my bank and scrutinising my statements. He on the other hand, got married to someone else and they're in debt. Guess he didn't learn!

CCJ's are not that catastrophic. They're on your file for 6 years from date of default then they are removed. They don't black list your house etc and yes shes young - So theoretically if she was at the CCJ stage then she has 6 years to sort her butt out before going on the property ladder etc. That's 6 years to get debt free, learn to budget and start saving.

Bailing kids out all the time is not the answer. "Helping" in a way that isn't throwing money at them (Showing them how to budget, how to get the best for their money etc) is a much more sensible suggestion.

My 7 yo knows how to budget, she knows about savings and interest (ok, so she knows the kiddies version) but the point is I'm showing her now, BEFORE she gets older and has to do it herself. She will, hopefully, be equipped with the knowledge to not make the same mistakes I did. And yes, if the day comes that she's on the phone crying to me that she has debts, I hope I don't fold and give her money, but instead do what my mum did. Kick her up her behind and make her sort herself out.

woodformoretrees

If I could go back in time, no matter how harsh a lesson it would have been, I would ask my lovely mum never to bail me out. It didn't help me in my life's journey, and had I learnt those harsh lessons early in life I may not have been made bankrupt in my 40s.

DO NOT FINANCIALLY BAIL YOUR CHILDREN OUT. YOU ARE DOING THEM NO FAVOURS AT ALL.

egoode

I remember being home sick once watching Dr Phil and his show was all about money issues and his number one lesson was money doesn't solve money issues. You need to get at the behaviours of why they are overspending and finding a way to fix them. There were people on there who had been bailed out multiple times and it was only when the bail outs stopped that they learnt how to live within their means.

In this situation I think you need to understand why she's constantly going into debt. If it's because she can't meet her day to day reasonable living expenses then make sure she is accessing all the benefits/tax credits available to her given she is on a low income or see if she can move somewhere cheaper (e.g. by sharing a flat if she's not already). Check she's on cheap deals for her bills, or consider ways she try and earn some extra money with a small business on the side like baking or craft things if she's interested in things like that.

If however it's just down to overspending on holidays/clothes/going out then I would suggest buying her a copy of You Need a Budget (YNAB) and teaching her how to budget.

arrgee

The reason I am on Money Saving Forum is to make up for the money losing of my daughter.  Every week, something else is lost, overpaid or generally squandered.  She is only 16, so doesn't care...