Can't find a partner in/around same/similar area

catoutthebag

lulalola wrote: »

I was on dating sites for several years and shared your frustrations at being able to find anyone suitable locally. Then I realised I was becoming too fixated on the sites - I've always been picky, but the settings allowed me to be uber-picky about age, characteristics etc., and to effectively disregard anyone not within those parameters without even talking to them. I stopped looking, and a few weeks later I met someone in a pub. He's not in the age range I was looking for online and he doesn't meet the "criteria" I had set - if he'd been on a site he wouldn't even have popped up in my matches - but a year later we are very much in love and he's the best thing that's happened to me in recent years. By all means keep using the dating sites, but be open to meeting people in other ways too, where you actually get to give them a chance as a person first.

True. Glad things worked out. I hope to get out a bit more with my new freedom and lease of life.

catoutthebag

I think the other thing is: I kinda know what I like, not only physical characteristics but emotional too. I know what makes me tick. I see that as a positive : knowing what one likes and wants.

FBaby

catoutthebag wrote: »

I think the other thing is: I kinda know what I like, not only physical characteristics but emotional too. I know what makes me tick. I see that as a positive : knowing what one likes and wants.

It's good because when you find that person, you know you're on the right track from the start. I emailed my friend after my first meeting with OH telling her that I'd finally found my husband...in my late 30s. I just knew because he 'ticked all the boxes'. Ok, maybe a bit of random luck too, but it really felt like that.

Some people know what they are looking for, some don't and need to get to know the person first. No right or wrong, just different, but people like us do tend to be single for longer times, inevitably.

Gigglepig

If you get messages from people you don't like, and those you message won't reply, perhaps consider rewriting the profile to emphasize different things?

I guess the other thing to consider is whether you have a realistic or inflated view of how attractive a partner you are. Not saying this is you OP but some people who are average smart, have average looks, talents, bank accounts, and jobs etc. in short nice but ordinary people, for some reason only want to date someone less ordinary, which may not always be realistic.


If distance is a deal breaker I would consider joining up to lots of local classes and groups.

System

I can understand wanting to find someone more local. My last 2 relationships were "long" distance (manchester/bradford) and it just didn't work for me. I couldn't deal with basically only seeing them once a month and the crappy times inbetween. So i anted someone local this time round and had a similar problem, there just didn't seem to be anyone. Ended up giving up on online dating and tried meeting people offline, work was a no go, most of them are about 10 years younger than me! And going out never led anywhere. But then by chance i was checking my email and had a message on POF, from someone local. Got chatting and now happily together. I get to see him mulitple times a week and that to me is excatly what i wanted and what i needed. But it happned pretty much by chance.

justme111

you want it all and you want it now.. then wonder why does not it happen .. widening search criteria is not the answer . changing mindset is

Ozzuk

justme111 wrote: »

you want it all and you want it now.. then wonder why does not it happen .. widening search criteria is not the answer . changing mindset is

Why am I reading that with a Yoda voice

justme111

catoutthebag wrote: »

I think the other thing is: I kinda know what I like, not only physical characteristics but emotional too. I know what makes me tick. I see that as a positive : knowing what one likes and wants.

Wow , you even thought about emotional "shopping list " in a prospective partner , not only physical which is of course one you thought of first
Good luck in soul and tick searching

SailorSam

missbiggles1 wrote: »

30/40 miles away is hardly long distance. Most people mean the other end of the country when they say that.

That depends how easy it is for you to get those 30/40 miles.
I had a women write to me on PoF who lives about 35mls away. We swapped messages and she seemed nice but i don't like driving more than local. Now only last night she wrote again 'cos we hadn't talked for a few weeks.

catoutthebag

justme111 wrote: »

Wow , you even thought about emotional "shopping list " in a prospective partner , not only physical which is of course one you thought of first
Good luck in soul and tick searching

Looks and personality are both important to me, as with most people.

Nice way of misinterpreting completely what I wrote. Just because I wrote one first doesn't negate the other. Silly little you.

Now, shoo, run off back to troll cave, there there