Can't find a partner in/around same/similar area

catoutthebag

I can't seem to find someone suitable in the same city.

I'm on online dating and have been on a number of dates.
Out of those, I have met 4 from my city but 2 were not from there originally. The others were in the same county up to 30 miles away and 3 from complete different cities.

I live in one of the biggest cities in thr country and that's the frustrating part.

My last 2 relationships were long distance, both long term and one involved us living together.

So maybe it's not destined to be.

I'm only in my early 30s.

I said I'd never do long distance again (above say 30-40 miles), but after 10 months looking I'm open to it again.

Issue is I've now got a mortgage so feel a little planted here for now. I wouldn't let a mortgage stop it, but certainly is an obstacle to a small extent.

In my previous relationship where I moved to her, I started to miss my home city that I felt I had grown out of and hated. Now I've been back, I do like it, but the slight itchy feet is taking shape - not sure if it's because I really would like to meet someone or maybe I'm not destined to be on one place for a long time. I know people may complain about their dwellings, and all places have there good and bad bits.

Guess I'm just venting after anther date today where I may be had too much expectation on clicking.

Any advice or people know where I'm coming from?

Guess it's a matter of patience? Enjoying what I have and not searching too hard? Someone out there for everyone and all that?

Or extend that search more nationally because I seem to have more success that way?

DUTR

Relationships are not a one size fits all, you'd think living in a city may give more opportunities, but sometimes people are too 'busy' just trying to get on in the rat race. The right person may not even be a subscriber online.

missbiggles1

30/40 miles away is hardly long distance. Most people mean the other end of the country when they say that.

cashewnut

Date lots of people at the same time if you can manage it - makes it much quicker to whittle down the unsuitable ones!

maman

It seems an odd priority for choosing a partner. My DH and I lived 300 miles apart when we met so would have been a no hoper if being from the same city was a deal breaker.


Maybe you'd be better off trying to meet people locally rather than online or (and I admit now I know nothing about dating sites) there's a way you could flag up on your profile 'only women from **** need reply'.

catoutthebag

cashewnut wrote: »

Date lots of people at the same time if you can manage it - makes it much quicker to whittle down the unsuitable ones!

Yes because it's as easy as thst and I have that much spare time (!)

catoutthebag

missbiggles1 wrote: »

30/40 miles away is hardly long distance. Most people mean the other end of the country when they say that.

Yes that's what I was implying. 30-40 miles is not long distance. I've done 100 mile before so 30 miles is a short journey.

catoutthebag

DUTR wrote: »

Relationships are not a one size fits all, you'd think living in a city may give more opportunities, but sometimes people are too 'busy' just trying to get on in the rat race. The right person may not even be a subscriber online.

True. But given the number of subscribers online, in all likelihood the right person is online just probably at the other end of this country.

So I ponder - open up physical search parameters, and do another long distance for it to fall apart when people in the rship change their minds about stuff further down the line, or wait for another right person to come up closer to me (which has never happened - they're probably out there just not online where most people are nowadays)

cashewnut

catoutthebag wrote: »

Yes because it's as easy as thst and I have that much spare time (!)

Sorry for not telepathically knowing how much spare time you have. This is exactly what I did - a couple of dates a week in the evenings. Great fun!

Ozzuk

catoutthebag wrote: »

Yes because it's as easy as thst and I have that much spare time (!)

The fact that you are posting about it suggests this is a priority for you. And longer distance will require more time/planning so the obvious answer seems to be go on more dates.

Try POF (there are some normal people there) and Match I live in a fair sized city and even as a guy have never had trouble getting dates though I did have to put the legwork in.

Are you messaging guys or waiting to be contacted? Nothing wrong with making the first move. Is your profile interesting (subjective I know, but too many just say 'if you want to know something, ask'), do you have recent and effective pictures? There are forums on POF which offer lots of advice.

Good luck!

catoutthebag

Well I'm a guy and I am messaging girls.
Like I say, it's fine getting dates from some girls, but frustrating when the ones I really like aren't reciprocated or my search distance at 50 miles feels too small.

I get messages too. Usually people I'm not interested in.

my pictures are great - lots of compliments etc.

on the face of it you may say things are going great. I have no trouble getting dates. I just want to find miss right.

The issue is I'm getting frustrated because I guess I put pressure on myself to have met the right person after 9-10 months.

I'm on the normal sites. That doesn't include pof which I tried for a few months and only had one date. Please don't get me started on the weirdos and time wasters and attention seekers on thst site. I only registered because my last relationship was on there and for all intents and purposes she was normal.

Please don't confuse 'same city' - my radius is 50 miles. So a number if cities/areas/counties are included.

Most normal people have some radius in mind. We don't want to wait to visit each other once a week or fortnight. Sorry but that doesn't constitute a relationship.

So question is....wait a little longer at my 50miles distance til the 12 month mark and then open parameters up or just hold tight knowing I've done long distance before and not really liked it (expensive and tiring and unless there's an end point in sight where one moves then there's absolutely no point - been there done that too so I know)

Ps of course I'd like to meey someone in the traditional fruit n veg aisle but rarely happens