Just need a little rant - gonna hit the fan this week with in laws from hell

Andypandyboy

This was the bit that stood out for rme;

"DH told her how her and FIL had nearly cost him his wife and kids at what was the most difficult time in his life. He also made it clear that just because she is the type to sit and worry herself to the point of the worst possible thing being gospel in her mind, doesn’t make it true. She tried to justify their behaviour by saying it was because they didn’t get much contact. She ended that day by saying that she hoped that one day time would heal the rifts."

It seems that the OP's husband is between the devil and the deep blue sea here and feels under threat of losing his wife if he allows his mother the level of contact she wants. Why would that be?

I think this is a very sad example of a dysfunctional family, with wrong on both sides.

AnnieO1234

Andypandy because accusations were such that the kids and my husband may have been taken into care. All separated. Not me saying I would leave but instead due to her malicious lies, all of us gone out of my husbands life.

Xxx

Kaye1

It is really hard for people who haven't had a lunatic in their family to be empathetic as to how difficult it is.


I have severed all contact with my family lunatic. Best decision ever. However, OP, you have to do what is best for your family. I would definitely pursue the access of medical records. How can you visit the doctor without ever feeling uneasy that she will be looking?


All the best to you and yours.

pollypenny

I feel so sorry for you, Annie!

Does anyone think it is permissible to alter their son's NOK, whether they've accessed a hospital computer or not?

As for her role in the NHS, she's probably aggrandising some technical position.

missbiggles1

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Andypandy because accusations were such that the kids and my husband may have been taken into care. All separated. Not me saying I would leave but instead due to her malicious lies, all of us gone out of my husbands life.

Xxx

Can you take an adult into care?

CRANKY40

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Can you take an adult into care?

It's called safeguarding when it applies to a vulnerable adult where accusations of abuse have been made.

Andypandyboy

CRANKY40 wrote: »

It's called safeguarding when it applies to a vulnerable adult where accusations of abuse have been made.

It seems a huge sea change to go from being someone you lunched with, to someone reporting you for abuse of both the children and your husband at a time when he was thought to be dying.

It also seems a huge change for you to go from that position to accusing her of having improper intentions when carrying out her sons personal care.

Her actions re the medical records are shocking but they do smack of desperation, as she must have known she would be found out.

None of it sits together.

It is really up to the husband to cut all ties, but he isn't, he is trying to keep the peace all round. That must be a horrible, upsetting and stressful position for him to be in as he recuperates.

I think there is a lot more to this story.

meer53

OP, you are antagonising your MIL and she is antagonising you. You need to walk away and let your OH deal with her. Keep out of it. At the end of the day, she's his Mother, it would be really sad if all these arguments and accusations mean that their relationship ends.

lemonpopcorn

Annie, I can only sympathise with you on this, I too have had experience of a family member hell bent on destroying you in whatever shape or form.
Yes her behaviour smacks of desperation but to me sounds like a mum who no longer has control over her son and will try anything to regain that control.
Whether that comes from fear at losing her son to a horrible illness or she's always been a control freak doesn't really matter, her actions are disgraceful.
Annie keep on at the trust, they have a duty to ensure access to medical records and such is restricted to only those that need access and that does not include your MIL.

Has she been suspended from work as if so she should not be contacting you or your DH at all, given that the suspension would be as a result of an allegation you and your DH have made about her conduct, that in itself could jeopardise the whole investigation.

I hope she actually backs off but in my experience she won't she'll just try new methods.

meritaten

I sort of agonised over posting details of how to complain - its a major step if you do it against an organisation knowing your MIL is the culprit. but the way you described their reaction to you - I had to. this is unacceptable. and they seem to be 'covering up' for her. this is what decided me.
Your MIL is what she is - but the organisation she works for is responsible under the Data Protection Act. you act against them.
its a horrible situation to be in - but if this organisation is prepared to overlook such serious breaches of the DPA - you would be doing everyone a favour by making a complaint. it just is not right!