How far along were you when you told people you were pregnant?

lulu_92

Hi,

I'm 5 weeks today with our 1st (:j) so still very early days! We've been talking about when we will tell families, friends and work but we both have different ideas of when this should be.

I'm happy to tell work whenever so I feel no pressure on this.

OH doesn't want to tell his work until 16 weeks because he doesn't want customers and some of his colleagues badgering him about it for months, which I understand as I used to work there too and being asked constantly by customers and some older colleagues when we were getting married was bad enough! He also has to put up with customers asking about me every day. I do feel for him!

I used to work with OH so a lot of his colleagues are my best friends and I would like to tell them around the 12 week mark, but this would mean that the above would happen. I understand his reasoning and if I was still working with him I would probably be inclined to agree, but I think it's a very long time to keep this a secret when I would like to share the excitement with my best friends, especially as two of them have just had babies so could give me some support.

So when did you tell?

marisco_2

This is such lovely news. Huge congratulations to you both. We didn't tell anyone till I got to 18 weeks. Partly though because my sister was getting married and we didn't want to take anything away from the excitement surrounding her wedding. Enjoy this really special time. I hope everything goes really well for you.

Bluemeanie_2

Congratulations! Parents and siblings sons as we found out. My best friend who is also pregnant straight away, everyone else (including work) after the 12 week scan when you are past the main high risk for miscarriage.

If someone tells me they're pregnant really early it always feels like they're pregnant for ever!
I felt awful once. A casual aquaintance told me when she was 5 weeks and she miscarried at 8 weeks. I saw her at what would be about week 11 and asked her how it was going and she got upset at telling she'd lost her baby. That made me decide for definite I was waiting until after the 12 weeks scan.

But as always you have to do what feels right for you x

LilElvis

Congratulations!

I would agree that it's a very personal decision. We had our daughter through IVF so our close friends and family knew the date of conception, let alone when we had a confirmed pregnancy. I only delayed ringing our parents the day we got a positive pregnancy test because I didn't think they would want to be woken by the phone going off before 6 in the morning!

To be honest, depending on how much you grow, it will probably be very obvious by 16 weeks so that may be the deciding factor. If you suffer from morning sickness then some people might guess/ask even sooner.

Mojisola

LilElvis wrote: »

To be honest, depending on how much you grow, it will probably be very obvious by 16 weeks so that may be the deciding factor. If you suffer from morning sickness then some people might guess/ask even sooner.

And if you usually have a drink or two but switch to soft drinks, others will guess.

DigForVictory

Congratulations!

If you're working with any chemical or in any environment that might be questionable, speak out *now*. In confidence, but the changes put in place might clue your friends & colleagues in.

I hate to use the word miscarriage but that grief happens, and sometimes it's less painful if there are fewer folks who know.

Could you & he compromise on 14 weeks? Or even his full 16 weeks so long as you are allowed to tell just two friends in strictest confidence?

May the weeks fly by, the meals stay down & the savings stash fatten. You will undoubtedly be given loads of gifts so buy as little as possible until as late as possible.

Here's hoping for a safe & happy pregnancy for you & not too much earache for OH!

Attain_by_suprise

With our first child my wife told everyone before telling me and i found out via a congratulatory text from a friend. You should tell people its an exciting moment in your life. Congratulations :T

Claire_A87

Congrats again! Still so chuffed for you

If you remember, I found out at 3+5 so mega mega early. We ended up telling parents and siblings at 5 weeks because 9 days was as long as we could hold the news in for! I told a friend the day I found out because she'd been a massive support whilst TTC, but I trust her implicitly. I ended up having to tell work 8/9 weeks because of horrific MS, then everyone else after the scan

It's really personal, & it is difficult if you both don't agree. As Dig has said, is there any way you can compromise? How much hassle can he really get from people from work? Won't they just ask a quick 'how's lulu?' Plus in the nicest possible way, the novelty of the news will wear off for them fairly quickly & he won't get asked as often

lollyb84

We looked at this way - we told the people we would tell if the worst were to happen, that way if it did, we would have the support of the people around us. As it turned out, we needed that support, and were glad we had told a handful of people (parents, siblings and 2 very close friends). I had also spoken with my manager informally, which made things easier when I required a few days off work (I had a very good relationship with her and knew it wouldn't affect anything work-wise). We did the same again when I got pregnant again, and fortunately it wasn't an issue. I do agree with DfV though, that the more people you tell, the more people you need to 'un-tell' and that can be a painful conversation, so I'd be wary of telling the world and his wife too early (although I hope that is never an issue for you).

I've known other people not tell anyone until the 12 week mark (even parents) or even the 20 week mark (although speculation did start to mount in that case - it's quite difficult to hide by that point!!), so I think it's a very personal thing. Maybe sitting down and talking to your other half to help him understand why you'd like to tell your friends would help?

snow_ball

lollyb84 wrote: »

We looked at this way - we told the people we would tell if the worst were to happen, that way if it did, we would have the support of the people around us.

Maybe sitting down and talking to your other half to help him understand why you'd like to tell your friends would help?

Exactly this, we've told family and close friends. I think some of the people we've told think we should have kept it quiet for a few more weeks (possibly due to personal experience) but I'm happy that we've told the people we'll want support from should the unthinkable happen.

lulu_92

Thanks for the well wishes and advice

I'm now in an office job so I'm very low risk. I will tell my boss soon but only because she will be able to support me at work as she has two kids herself.

OH (and I used to) works at a bingo hall. The customers think they know everything about you, and expect to be told everything, just because they will see you 4 or 5 times a week.

He doesn't mind some customers who just ask in passing how I am, and there are a few that we would be telling personally as we have grown close to them over the years. It's just the ones who are there all the time that are so unbelievably nosy and they would honestly ask OH about everything, and they'd ask every day. I used to get asked by one customer in particular "when should I buy my hat for the wedding?" about 5 times a week!

I know most of them care and I said to OH that they'll be asking about it until our child is 18 so a couple of months won't hurt.

He has told me I can't under any circumstances tell any of my friends in that group. One of them doesn't even work there anymore and he is still worried that she'll tell people.

Don't get me wrong, I love how excited we are about it and that it's our secret at the moment but I want to share this feeling with my friends who I adore.

My midwife appointment is at 10 weeks so I'm looking at the beginning of July for the scan, that's already long enough to wait in my eyes.

ETA - my first major hiccup is that I arranged to go to a theme park with friends on the Bank Holiday. Obviously when I did this I wasn't pregnant so I'm not sure how I get out of this without people knowing..