Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

pebbles88

pollypenny wrote: »

Robin, I don't wish to quote your lengthy post/ essay#64, it will take up too much room.

However, I must say that I found it completely patronising.

Agreed, I cringed reading it. If my ex mil had ever spoke to me like that, like I was a child, it would have been the last conversation we had.

rachy182

Have you actually gone through with your partner your budget. Are things actually tight after all the bills have been payed for and there is no money left for frivolous spending? Do you know what the savings are for such as a wedding or a bigger house (your mortgage is low so you either have a cheap home or there was a large deposit).

Sorry for all the questions but before everyone starts shouting abuse I think its important to see if he is careful and tight with the money or he is plain controlling. One thing that would scream controlling/ abuse to me is if he spends lots of money on himself like hobbies or expensive clothes while you make do with primark and cant go out because you have no money.

Mojisola

veeveexox wrote: »

he earns about 42k per year

the only money I have is child benefit

He checks my bank statements to see what i've been spending,

if i ask him for money he goes crazy and it makes me nervous,

I'm having to buy my clothes, clothes shoes for daughter out of my child benefit and df goes mental if i don't manage to save my child benefit,

df has 16k in savings,

rachy182 wrote: »

Sorry for all the questions but before everyone starts shouting abuse I think its important to see if he is careful and tight with the money or he is plain controlling.

With the info given in the first post you're not sure whether he's being controlling?

nearlyrich

My ex was controlling with money even before children I was paid into the bank monthly I was not allowed to draw any out he gave me the exact amount I needed to get to work and back on the bus and he went crazy when I had some money in my purse when he checked it once, someone had given me a lift home for a few days and wouldn't take anything as she was driving past my house. I didn't realise it was abuse at the time but things got worse on the control front rather than better. If he capable of listening and changing there may be a chance of a proper adult relationship here...if not then look after yourself and your daughter OP.

lulu_92

Just_a_Girl wrote: »

What a patronising load of pish!

I second that!

Robin, it's views like that which are sending society backwards:

Why do you think it is only the woman who should be responsible for contraception and why are you insinuating it is only her fault she got pregnant? Last time I checked men have this thing on their bodies which, if used without protection, can get women pregnant.

I echo what duchy said. You've obviously never raised a girl and think that "boys will be boys" and they can do whatever they want. Iseriously hope you didn't raise your boys so they turned out like OP's fiance, but even if they did they wouldn't be doing anything wrong in your eyes.

Brighton_belle

duchy wrote: »

From the assumption that he wasn't aware a tummy bug can affect the effectiveness of the pill (but an implication that the OP should have known) to excuses about his behaviour.
!

Birdie85 wrote: »

TBH, back when I was on the pill and not interested in baby making it wouldn't have occurred to me to be extra careful for a few weeks after a bout of illness so I can't blame Veevee for getting caught out.

On a technical point, it is I believe on all the written instructions you receive with each packet of contraceptive pill: any tummy upset/dioreaor vomiting, take extra precautions.

tattycath

Brighton_belle wrote: »

On a technical point, it is I believe on all the written instructions you receive with each packet of contraceptive pill: any tummy upset/dioreaor vomiting, take extra precautions.

When I was younger there was a man who lived up the road from us. His wife got pregnant and he couldn't understand it. He was telling everyone that he had been taking the pill every night as per the instructions! :rotfl: this is not fiction, this really happened!

pollypenny

Mojisola wrote: »

Quite a few of us have raised sons and sent responsible adults out into the world who respected other people (male and female), didn't need "training" and certainly wouldn't keep their partners and children in penury while they stashed away hundreds of pounds into their own savings!

I brought up a son and a daughter to respect others, to cherish their loved ones and not to be selfish.

I'm sure that's the way most of us bring up our children. Hardly training our men.

VfM4meplse

*Robin* wrote: »

Nothing is 100% bar abstinance..

OP, why would you want to share your body with someone so mean? How can you love someone who values you so little? Someone who treats you like this does not deserve this privilege.

duchy

Unfortunately there are women like Robin around - They are the ones who end up posting "My DIL and the grand children never come to visit me - just my son by himself occasionally"

Robin if you aren't just a keyboard warrior but would seriously say the sort of things you've posted to a current or prospective DIL -try taking a step back and looking at those sort of comments objectively. Your sons may love you despite your "little ways" but their chosen partners don't have to and this could cause you a lot of unhappiness in the future.