Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

Claire_A87

Reminds me of this article I read recently about a man realising the worth of his wife as a SAHM:

http://www.weareglory.com/blog/fathers-you-cant-afford-a-stay-at-home-mom

OP - you said in a previous post that he's a lovely person, but if everything you've written about him is true (going mental over a 30p squash donation to a food bank?!) then sorry, he's not lovely. He may very well be capable of being lovely, but he's making you a prisoner in your own life at the moment.

He should read the above article, or at the very least you should. It may give you some perspective on what you contribute in real terms to your family and home life, and give you back a sense of self worth.

I'm not going to comment on whether you should or shouldn't be with him off a couple of posts on a forum, but please do consider that the behaviour you have described is not normal, and your current situation needs reconsidering. GL.

FBaby

Could the 30p squash have been the tip of the iceberg for him? That it wasn't about the cost but maybe spending money on something not needed (say you already had 3 bottles of it in the cupboard?). Different people have different views of what is an appropriate level of spending and what is ok to buy just because it is a good deal and what should only be spent on what is absolutely necessary.

He is clearly frustrated, so you need to start some serious talking to get to the bottom of it.

duchy

I think if all the OP's and the child's clothing and needs over and above three meals a day are considered "too much" then his "view" is not a normal one in most universes ........ There's taking the alternative view just for the sake of it.......and there's reasonable behaviour !!!

tattycath

FBaby wrote: »

Could the 30p squash have been the tip of the iceberg for him? That it wasn't about the cost but maybe spending money on something not needed (say you already had 3 bottles of it in the cupboard?). Different people have different views of what is an appropriate level of spending and what is ok to buy just because it is a good deal and what should only be spent on what is absolutely necessary.

He is clearly frustrated, so you need to start some serious talking to get to the bottom of it.

Unless I've misunderstood, I thought the squash was for a food bank type of donation.

milliemonster

Can i ask how a man so controlling is going to behave when you are training and having to work nights and weekends, christmas etc leaving him at home with your child to look after? Have you discussed this at all?

gettingtheresometime

davetrousers wrote: »

Note to OP. Asking for any advice, on this forum, regarding relationships WILL result in most replies encouraging you to end the relationship!

So what would YOU recommend the OP does? Beg for every penny she wants to spend?

How would YOU feel if you were her?

BigAunty

caprikid1 wrote: »

I find it shocking the amount of Run Away posts.

I don't. What alternative is there if the OPs boyfriend has an entrenched view of himself as being exploited by his missus when, in fact, it's him that has a poor attitude towards finances and sharing?

OK, there's having a chat about the relationship and there's the possibility of couple's counselling (which I assume the OP would have to stump up for).

The OPs fiancee is stingy, selfish and controlling. He is unlikely to have a lightbulb moment that makes him see how disrespectful he is.

It's a very common pattern for abusive and controlling behaviour to take place sometime after the relationship has started. The OP says the trigger was the birth of their child, the ultimate way that she becomes dependent on him. Apparently their child must be solely funded by her.

Now she is seemingly punished for being unable to pay her way to the point that a 30 pence gift is considered extravagant. What hope is there?

He's stingy but is making her out to be greedy - it's so out of balance, how can the relationship ever get back on a proper keel? You think he's going to be able to snap out of it?

Pollycat

veeveexox wrote: »

I do love him apart from the money thing he is very sweet loving, just he goes in a bad mood if he can't save £100's or his savings take a hit, money is the only thing that makes him happy.

To me the sentence above is is a massive contradiction.

caprikid1 wrote: »

I find it shocking the amount of Run Away posts.

Would you stay in a relationship the same as the OP describes?

dirty_magic

Why do you feel that you need to let him look at your bank statements? If it's your money it's up to you what you spend it on. Have you been in debt in the past? Is he worried you're not good with money?

I'd be so uncomfortable being this financially dependent on someone. I think if I were you I'd try to find a job just so you're not completely reliant on him. Could you work evenings or weekends when he's around to babysit or do you have any family that could help?

Does he realise that if you do get married it won't be 'his' any more, it'll be both of yours? I don't think you should even consider marrying him until you've got this sorted.

Mojisola

dirty_magic wrote: »

Could you work evenings or weekends when he's around to babysit or do you have any family that could help?

A father can't 'babysit' his own child! He has to look after his child the same the child's mother does at other times.