Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

fairy_lights

You mentioned that you buy clothes and shoes etc for your daughter out of your child benefit, but what about things that you need? How do you manage to buy clothes and toiletries for yourself, or do you have to go without?

enjoyyourshoes

You could sit down and agree:-


1. your joint goals in life
2. How your joint financials can support these goals
3. How your joint financial can work together
4. How to develop transparency and joint agreement on financials


see how that progresses

duchy

davetrousers wrote: »

Note to OP. Asking for any advice, on this forum, regarding relationships WILL result in most replies encouraging you to end the relationship!

Nonsense

That's like saying anyone who thinks that is automatically an abuser who wants to keep women in their "rightful place"

caprikid1

Sounds to me that the added pressure of having a daughter is making him anxious about his ability to provide for his child and his soon to be wife. He is eager to build as bigger buffer pot behind him as possible to ensure there is a suitable buffer should anything go wrong.


He is handling it badly and over reacting, but sounds to me like you need to communicate and go through joint budgets together so you can find a happy place on this issue.


A salary of £42,000 is not an enormous amount of money to support 3 people and it can easily look like a fortune.

caprikid1

I find it shocking the amount of Run Away posts.

Floss

How long have you been together, how old is your daughter and how long have you lived in that house?

fairy_lights

caprikid1 wrote: »

He is handling it badly and over reacting, but sounds to me like you need to communicate and go through joint budgets together so you can find a happy place on this issue.

OP has said it makes her nervous to ask him for money because he goes 'mental' and crazy' if she broaches the subject.
How can they communicate and budget together when he's got an attitude like that? This is a man who is refusing to pay for child care costs for his own child...

tea_lover

caprikid1 wrote: »

I find it shocking the amount of Run Away posts.

Really? Have you read how controlling and abusive he is being?

veeveexox wrote: »

I bought a bottle of 30p squash to put it in the food bank and he went crazy saying I was wasting his money. He checks my bank statements to see what i've been spending, if i ask him for money he goes crazy and it makes me nervous, I'm having to buy my clothes, clothes shoes for daughter out of my child benefit and df goes mental if i don't manage to save my child benefit, df has 16k in savings, he didn't put my name on the mortgage and when I mention about getting a job he says he won't help me pay for childcare as he's saving money.

veeveexox wrote: »

He keeps saying that his money is his and he works hard for it, while i sit at home,.

veeveexox wrote: »

he goes in a bad mood if he can't save £100's or his savings take a hit, money is the only thing that makes him happy.

somethingcorporate

Then a SAHM about to start a nursing degree is hardly going to make him happy.

I agree with the rest, this is an abusive, controlling relationship you should not want to be part of.

Birdie85

Just read this and see if it rings any bells...

Your fiance needs to realise that things change, it's easy to save hundreds every month when there are 2 people earning money and only 2 mouths to feed, when a child comes along and the mother gives up work, there's bound to be a change with the family finances. The reason you save money whilst you can is to make life easier for when you don't have all that spare cash any more...

He must support you as his partner and the fact that he is refusing to support his own daughter is disgusting. To say he's not going to pay for childcare when you start your training is shocking...

Oh and please tell him that being a SAHM is not sitting on your bum all day doing nothing of value! Let me guess, you do all the cooking and cleaning as well as all the childcare, from first thing in the morning to the last thing at night, as well as getting up in the night because he needs his sleep since he goes to work. What would it cost for live-in help to do all of that?! He's got a bl00dy good deal!!!!! :mad: