Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

j.e.j.

tattycath wrote: »

My ex was very controlling with money. When I was a SAHM I had to ask him for everything-even down to sanitary towels etc. we had nothing in joint names either. He had savings. At one point ( after I went back to work) I managed to save some money. We needed a new fridge. Let's go halves, he said. So I said yep no problem. Then he asked me how much I had in savings so I said I had £207. So he found the exact fridge he said we were getting and it cost £415. That is just one example.
My advice to you is get out now, he is controlling, he won't change, he will continue to make your life a misery.

£415 for a fridge..!! :eek: They saw you coming :rotfl:


No, but seriously, marriage should mean finances are split 50-50. Just because someone is a SAHM doesn't mean they're not contributing to the household, quite the opposite!

tattycath

j.e.j. wrote: »

£415 for a fridge..!! :eek: They saw you coming :rotfl:


No, but seriously, marriage should mean finances are split 50-50. Just because someone is a SAHM doesn't mean they're not contributing to the household, quite the opposite!

He made the decision and we are talking tall larder fridge-mid 1990s.
We never made it down the aisle-thankfully.

fairy_lights

*Robin* wrote: »

Thank you for responding to my first post on your thread with such honesty, Veevee. Presumably, you didn't know that a tummy bug can decrease effectiveness of the contraceptive pill, until after you fell pregnant? Because of course, if you had known you were at increased risk, you'd have got a morning-after pill in order to protect yourself.

I don't really see how this is relevant? A lot of people have families that were unplanned, but don't normally use it as an excuse to be controlling or refuse to pay for their own child.
I also disagree that OP's partner sounds like a young man lacking in confidence and experience. If he earns 42k he must have worked his way up the career ladder for a few years and be a fully fledged adult.

duchy

Unfortunately Robin you are implying that a young man (probably not very young on £45K a year) who presumably holds down a responsible job- and is a home owner has little accountability for his behaviour .

From the assumption that he wasn't aware a tummy bug can affect the effectiveness of the pill (but an implication that the OP should have known) to excuses about his behaviour. You seem to be implying that the OP needs to "train" him in the absolute basics of decent normal human behaviour. Frankly it is not her job to do so.

Your dismissal of financial abuse as "stingy ways" says it all about your attitude . You sound like a besotted mother blind to the faults of her own son and trying to shift blame to his partner as her baby boy couldn't possibly be in the wrong


Plenty of couples don't share the same views about money - but they negotiate and compromise . It's all part of the partnership of a relationship -not one person needing "training" by the other. When a child is going without simple things like new clothes and social activities like say tumble tots or a soft play session because Mum is expected to fund all those needs as well as her own on child benefit of £20.70 a week- whilst Dad is squirreling away "hundreds" -something is seriously wrong. That is not "stingy" but something more serious !

pollypenny

Robin, I don't wish to quote your lengthy post/ essay#64, it will take up too much room.

However, I must say that I found it completely patronising.

duchy

pollypenny wrote: »

Robin, I don't wish to quote your lengthy post/ essay#64, it will take up too much room.

However, I must say that I found it completely patronising.

You weren't the only one !

Birdie85

pollypenny wrote: »

Robin, I don't wish to quote your lengthy post/ essay#64, it will take up too much room.

However, I must say that I found it completely patronising.

Yeah, I thought so too!

TBH, back when I was on the pill and not interested in baby making it wouldn't have occurred to me to be extra careful for a few weeks after a bout of illness so I can't blame Veevee for getting caught out.

Mojisola

*Robin* wrote: »

(I know a bit about young men, after launching four of 'em into the World, lol!).

Quite a few of us have raised sons and sent responsible adults out into the world who respected other people (male and female), didn't need "training" and certainly wouldn't keep their partners and children in penury while they stashed away hundreds of pounds into their own savings!

duchy

Do you have any daughters or just sons Robin ?

snow_ball

pollypenny wrote: »

Robin, I don't wish to quote your lengthy post/ essay#64, it will take up too much room.

However, I must say that I found it completely patronising.

And slightly disturbing