Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

msb5262

I notice that Robin's post #64 has disappeared...

her_welshness

True...although someone has re-posted it for posterity.

Rank misogyny peddled by women is very disturbing.

veeveexox

LOL to Robins post, he's 27 years old so not 16!!! Well it worked, I was moody with him for about 5 days, no sex etc he's just bought me a new hoover which I've been wanting for a while without me even asking!! :O He's never been like this before but I've never gone so long being !!!!ed off it seems to have kicked his !!!! into gear telling him I'll be fine without him. We shall see but I'm not prepared to put up with it for the rest of my life so lets see.

Mojisola

veeveexox wrote: »

LOL to Robins post, he's 27 years old so not 16!!! Well it worked, I was moody with him for about 5 days, no sex etc he's just bought me a new hoover which I've been wanting for a while without me even asking!! :O He's never been like this before but I've never gone so long being !!!!ed off it seems to have kicked his !!!! into gear telling him I'll be fine without him. We shall see but I'm not prepared to put up with it for the rest of my life so lets see.

I don't find this very healthy - he doesn't get sex until he buys something you want?

If it's a step on the way to a better relationship, maybe it's manageable but I wouldn't a daughter of mine as part of a couple where he 'buys' sex from her.

Hoipolloi

You're relationship is unhealthy. Withholding affection/sex/whatever until he caves in is basically a game. Your child will learn this game too, (not the sex bit, obviously, but the game playing) will learn and possibly duplicate your own unhealthy relationship as your child grows older.

Your df does not value you, does not appreciate you, and may never change. In fact, it is highly unlikely that such people change for the good, long term. He bought you a godamn Hoover....!!!!!!, how nice of him to buy you a piece of equipment that you can keep his house tidy with. If you split up I bet he keeps the Hoover, so you will likely find it isn't actually yours anyway.

You need a mature discussion about finances, about how badly he treats you, about the lessons his behaviour (and yours) teaches your child/children.

pollypenny

Veevee, he just needs to treat you with respect, as the equal partner you should be.

groovy_chick

Oh my goodness, can you take a moment and listen to yourselves !! One minute it is "leave him, he is tight and controlling and you will be better off on your own" and the next it is "don't withhold sex from him, that is game playing and setting a bad example for your daughter" !!!!

It looks to me as though the OP was getting to the end of her tether when she posted on this thread, she talked to him and he admitted he was struggling with the responsibility of being the provider and admitted to going over the top, then, as very little changed, the OP got huffy and showed him how upset she was and it actually got through to him. Result, he listened and spent some of his cast-iron savings on something she wanted to make her happier - this can only be a good thing surely !

Women (and men) have been using sex as a motivational tool since the beginning of time - it hasn't damaged the human race up till now and I doubt it ever will. These aren't examples of harmful controlling behaviours, just two people that need to talk more, be less afraid of expressing how they are feeling and adapt their actions to support each other. I am personally glad that the OP stood up for herself and made her feelings noticed, as it has paid off - long may this new found understanding last.

All the best

missbiggles1

veeveexox wrote: »

LOL to Robins post, he's 27 years old so not 16!!! Well it worked, I was moody with him for about 5 days, no sex etc he's just bought me a new hoover which I've been wanting for a while without me even asking!! :O He's never been like this before but I've never gone so long being !!!!ed off it seems to have kicked his !!!! into gear telling him I'll be fine without him. We shall see but I'm not prepared to put up with it for the rest of my life so lets see.

Marital prostitution is never healthy and a new vacuum cleaner in exchange for sex is selling yourself very short.

Hoipolloi

groovy_chick wrote: »

Oh my goodness, can you take a moment and listen to yourselves !! One minute it is "leave him, he is tight and controlling and you will be better off on your own" and the next it is "don't withhold sex from him, that is game playing and setting a bad example for your daughter" !!!!

It looks to me as though the OP was getting to the end of her tether when she posted on this thread, she talked to him and he admitted he was struggling with the responsibility of being the provider and admitted to going over the top, then, as very little changed, the OP got huffy and showed him how upset she was and it actually got through to him. Result, he listened and spent some of his cast-iron savings on something she wanted to make her happier - this can only be a good thing surely !

Women (and men) have been using sex as a motivational tool since the beginning of time - it hasn't damaged the human race up till now and I doubt it ever will. These aren't examples of harmful controlling behaviours, just two people that need to talk more, be less afraid of expressing how they are feeling and adapt their actions to support each other. I am personally glad that the OP stood up for herself and made her feelings noticed, as it has paid off - long may this new found understanding last.

All the best

Oh my goodness, can you take a moment and see that this is a public forum and the OP asked for advice, which was given by more than one person and therefore resulted in differing opinions. :beer:

And think on, those of us who advise the way we do may have years of personal experience of a similar or perhaps very worse situation and only wish someone had given us some advice. :beer:

Pollycat

veeveexox wrote: »

LOL to Robins post, he's 27 years old so not 16!!! Well it worked, I was moody with him for about 5 days, no sex etc he's just bought me a new hoover which I've been wanting for a while without me even asking!! :O He's never been like this before but I've never gone so long being !!!!ed off it seems to have kicked his !!!! into gear telling him I'll be fine without him. We shall see but I'm not prepared to put up with it for the rest of my life so lets see.

Is it me or does something not quite add up in this thread?

The OP first posted on 15/4/2015 at 11:39am about her OH being unreasonable.

Then on the same day at 10:49pm, she'd been to the Council to discuss housing options & found out about all sorts of financial help she may be entitled to.

Also at some point in the same day (15/4/2015) she'd had a talk with her partner and seemed to make progress to the extent they went shopping and he paid for some stuff 'quite happily'.

Now, on 17/4/2015 she tells us she's been moody with him and withheld sex for 5 days!
That would take her back to 13th April - 2 days before she posted.

I disbelieve this timeline.