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Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

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Comments

  • Are they his kids? If he does want to marry you, he'll need to learn "what's mine is yours" quickly
  • vroombroom
    vroombroom Posts: 1,117 Forumite
    Just echoing what everyone else says. He won't change. I was in a financially controlling relationship at the age of 21 for two years - he scrutinised my bank statements every month, kept hold of my debit cards and used to give me £20 a week for petrol. I ran out of tampons one time and got caught unawares. I didn't even have 20p for the machine in the toilets at work, so sat on the toilet and cried for ages.
    In the end I set up another bank account with statements going to my mum's address and she transferred £1k for me to move out and set up on my own. I did it when he was at work. Loaded my car up with what little possessions I had and my two dogs and left. Bought a new SIM card and never saw him again. although he used to ring my work and stand outside for a while.

    11 years on and OH and I never argue about money. Everything is split 50/50
    :j:jOur gorgeous baby boy born 2nd May 2011 - 12 days overdue!!:j:j
  • veeveexox
    veeveexox Posts: 13 Forumite
    Yes his daughter is his.
  • davetrousers
    davetrousers Posts: 5,862 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Note to OP. Asking for any advice, on this forum, regarding relationships WILL result in most replies encouraging you to end the relationship!
    .....

  • veeveexox
    veeveexox Posts: 13 Forumite
    duchy wrote: »
    Was he always "over careful" with money -and it just didn't matter so much because you were earning too so had control over your own finances -or has he changed since the baby was born/you stopped contributing a wage to the home ?

    Frankly as a student you'd be better off financially without him as he'd be paying child support on a fairly decent income and you'd still get student finance.

    If it is as miserable as you say -then pop into CAB and get them to help you calculate where you'd stand financially -knowing you can manage without his grudging support may help you decide if this is an unchangable situation or not. Of course once he realizes the financial as well as emotional consequences if you do leave him may be enough to modify his rather odd behaviour and attitudes. Losing nearly 15% nett of his income in child support can be a wake up call !

    Also you are engaged.......do you have firm wedding plans ......as he sounds like the sort of man who wouldn't want to get married as the house would then be half yours.

    This qualifies as financial abuse - Women's Aid would also be able to counsel you on your options whether you choose to stay or leave .


    He only started getting strange when I got pregnant with daughter, he said he's making sure we never get into financial difficulty, has savings for a rainy day, enough for if car boiler breaks down and gets to go on holidays, the way i see it after 3 years our income will rise loads due to me training, so short term yes we will be financially worse off but in the long run we will be much better off. He keeps saying that his money is his and he works hard for it, while i sit at home, i won't get much bursary and i will be penniless i'm worrying if i leave him, he won't want to help with the childcare my shift patterns while im training will be pretty erratic and my family arent very helpful.
  • tattycath
    tattycath Posts: 7,175 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    veeveexox wrote: »
    Yes his daughter is his.

    Don't worry about how you will cope without him. I had 2 children (almost 4yrs and almost 6 yrs). I was terrified. After I found a property to rent he begged me to try again and I refused.
    I coped well on my own and it meant I wasn't walking on eggshells and worrying about what mood he might be in when I got home.
    GE 36 *MFD may 2043
    MFIT-T5 #60 £136,850.30
    Mortgage overpayments 2019 - £285.96
    2020 Jan-£40-feb-£18.28.march-£25
    Christmas savings card 2020 £20/£100
    Emergency savings £100/£500
    12/3/17 175lb - 06/11/2019 152lb
  • veeveexox
    veeveexox Posts: 13 Forumite
    I do love him apart from the money thing he is very sweet loving, just he goes in a bad mood if he can't save £100's or his savings take a hit, money is the only thing that makes him happy.
  • tattycath
    tattycath Posts: 7,175 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    veeveexox wrote: »
    I do love him apart from the money thing he is very sweet loving, just he goes in a bad mood if he can't save £100's or his savings take a hit, money is the only thing that makes him happy.

    If money comes before you or your daughter he has his priorities all wrong.
    GE 36 *MFD may 2043
    MFIT-T5 #60 £136,850.30
    Mortgage overpayments 2019 - £285.96
    2020 Jan-£40-feb-£18.28.march-£25
    Christmas savings card 2020 £20/£100
    Emergency savings £100/£500
    12/3/17 175lb - 06/11/2019 152lb
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Xmas Saver!
    edited 15 April 2015 at 12:29PM
    I'm sorry but sweet and loving towards his money isn't a wonderful trait in a fiance or father. The sweetness and love should be directed towards making you both feel cherished not miserable.

    Would he go to couples counseling with you ?
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    MSE Florida wedding .....no problem
  • Gigervamp
    Gigervamp Posts: 6,583 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    It should be you and your child that makes him happy, not money.

    You are in a financially abusive relationship. Don't stay just because you're worried that you won't be able to cope on your own. You will cope.
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