Moneysaving or being unreasonable?

veeveexox

Me and df keep fighting over money, he earns about 42k per year, I'm currently a SAHM, mortgage is £380 per month, the only money I have is child benefit, he goes mental if i buy anything like fizzy pop, food, trips out. I bought a bottle of 30p squash to put it in the food bank and he went crazy saying I was wasting his money. He checks my bank statements to see what i've been spending, if i ask him for money he goes crazy and it makes me nervous, I'm having to buy my clothes, clothes shoes for daughter out of my child benefit and df goes mental if i don't manage to save my child benefit, df has 16k in savings, he didn't put my name on the mortgage and when I mention about getting a job he says he won't help me pay for childcare as he's saving money, he says hes saving to buy a new property to help the family, i see nothing of this my name isnt on the house and i dont have have access to any of the money. I'm starting a nursing degree in sepetember and df is saying i need to pay for childcare out of my bursary so he can save money.
We are fighting daily over money and I'm at the end of my tether.

McKneff

He will never, ever be any different.


Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this bully and
put up with this tyrannical behaviour.


It the answer is no, then get out....

[Deleted User]

Are you married? (also, what is df.. i've not heard that one before)

fairy_lights

veeveexox wrote: »

I'm starting a nursing degree in sepetember and df is saying i need to pay for childcare out of my bursary so he can save money.
We are fighting daily over money and I'm at the end of my tether.

No that's not a normal money saving attitude, he is being completely unreasonable. He wants you to pay for everything for you and your children out of your child benefit, but also wants you to save that money? They're his children too for gods sake, why does he think it's your sole responsibility to provide for them?
As for him checking your bank statements to see what you have spent money on, this sounds horribly controlling - I'm betting he would go mad if you looked at his statements to check up on his spending.
This sounds like financial abuse.

veeveexox

Fiance sorry we arent married, engaged.

tea_lover

Run away, as fast as you can.

tattycath

My ex was very controlling with money. When I was a SAHM I had to ask him for everything-even down to sanitary towels etc. we had nothing in joint names either. He had savings. At one point ( after I went back to work) I managed to save some money. We needed a new fridge. Let's go halves, he said. So I said yep no problem. Then he asked me how much I had in savings so I said I had £207. So he found the exact fridge he said we were getting and it cost £415. That is just one example.
My advice to you is get out now, he is controlling, he won't change, he will continue to make your life a misery.

purpleshoes_2

Run like hell. Controlling your finances like this is not a good sign, it's to exert control over you.

Andypandyboy

Run for the hills......seriously, he will never change and you will be miserable your entire life.

S_Wales_Saver

OP Please don't stay in this financially abusive relationship.


As things are you are providing everything except food and housing for your child, and will have to provide childcare on top. You have no security of housing, and could potentially be asked to leave with your child with no redress. And your own spending of the tiny amount you do control is subject to veto.

This is beyond controlling

duchy

Was he always "over careful" with money -and it just didn't matter so much because you were earning too so had control over your own finances -or has he changed since the baby was born/you stopped contributing a wage to the home ?

Frankly as a student you'd be better off financially without him as he'd be paying child support on a fairly decent income and you'd still get student finance.

If it is as miserable as you say -then pop into CAB and get them to help you calculate where you'd stand financially -knowing you can manage without his grudging support may help you decide if this is an unchangable situation or not. Of course once he realizes the financial as well as emotional consequences if you do leave him may be enough to modify his rather odd behaviour and attitudes. Losing nearly 15% nett of his income in child support can be a wake up call !

Also you are engaged.......do you have firm wedding plans ......as he sounds like the sort of man who wouldn't want to get married as the house would then be half yours.

This qualifies as financial abuse - Women's Aid would also be able to counsel you on your options whether you choose to stay or leave .