New relationship advice needed.

purpleshoes_2

pineapple wrote: »

He just rung now.
Straight in with 'Shall I pick you up at 6 o'clock'?
Me - 'Why'?
We had a drink a few days ago with a bunch of his friends who go out on Tuesdays and Thursdays early evening and it seems he assumed that I had pencilled Thursdays in my diary. :huh:
Told him I didn't want to go out - watching the election debate and the run up.
Him ' Well shall I call round for an hour or so before 6?
Me - no that's OK thanks just enjoying some 'me time' and I've sort of got the next couple of hours mapped out..
I suggested meeting up for a coffee tomorrow at the local farm shop (for the talk)
And then we could have a barbecue he says. I've got the meat.....:wall:

Why are you buying into this drama? You've said he's keener on you than you are on him and you really don't sound like you want to be dating him.

He doesn't sound like he's going to change, so if he's annoying you that much at this early stage just let him down gently before you spend the next 6 months plus driving yourself mad over it all.

pineapple

purpleshoes wrote: »

Why are you buying into this drama?

I'm not. That's what tomorrow is about. Don't like doing things over the 'phone and prefer to meet on neutral turf.

Errata

pineapple wrote: »

I'm not. That's what tomorrow is about. Don't like doing things over the 'phone and prefer to meet on neutral turf.

I think that's fair enough, courteous and reasonable. If you don't want a 'thing' with him, tell him straight in very clear black and white because that's courteous too.

System

FredG wrote: »

Don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying your own company. I like it, I don't get the mundane interruptions of society and the expectation to keep up appearances.

I don't think an overly needy person can ever have a successful relationship with someone who has that loner streak. I think society has pushed us all in to thinking that we're worthless unless we have a partner, 800 Facebook friends and a social calendar you just HAVE to tell everyone about but to me that's all white noise. Being happy is all that's important. Alone or with someone.

Its weird...i had thought myself quite the loner...used to spending 99% of my time not at work in complete solitude. Now i'm seeing someone i seem to have done a complete 360 and want to spend as much time with him as possible and talk to him all the time :eek: ..... whats happened to me??!

pineapple

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Its weird...i had thought myself quite the loner...used to spending 99% of my time not at work in complete solitude. Now i'm seeing someone i seem to have done a complete 360 and want to spend as much time with him as possible and talk to him all the time :eek: ..... whats happened to me??!

Aww that's nice. I dimly remember that feeling!

mintymoneysaver

Two weeks? He is very keen isn't he!! I've had a 'friend' for nearly a year now and we still don't see each other more than once a week ( we do both have children so slightly different) after an initial 3 dates in two weeks. I'm too independent to want someone in my pocket all the time, and anyway I don't have the time!
Good luck with the 'talk' today! Did I read right that you had just moved to the area? Do you think he thinks he;s being helpful introducing you to new people?

pineapple

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

Two weeks? He is very keen isn't he!! I've had a 'friend' for nearly a year now and we still don't see each other more than once a week ( we do both have children so slightly different) after an initial 3 dates in two weeks. I'm too independent to want someone in my pocket all the time, and anyway I don't have the time!
Good luck with the 'talk' today! Did I read right that you had just moved to the area? Do you think he thinks he;s being helpful introducing you to new people?

Yes that was part of it initially and I'm grateful. However it seems he is now 'smitten'. He has consequently been increasingly demanding of my attention on a one to one basis. I have been trying to ratchet it down nicely but the message is just not getting through. Every time I pull back he just becomes more clingy and he has tried every tactic in the book to get more of my time.
I feel bad that I might have encouraged false expectations. Anyhow meeting up for a coffee shortly and dreading it. He is already planning on extending the coffee - suggesting a barbecue afterwards. When I said 'no just a coffee' he said he had already bought the meat! It's what he does.
So absolutely dreading this. I don't want to hurt him but I feel he is only one step away from a declaration of love. it needs stopping now for both our sakes.

Indie_Kid

Hope all goes well.

I did used to have a friend like this. Apparently, not wanting contact 24/7, (I can go weeks without talking to friends - I don't like talking for the sake of it) makes me a !!!! friend. It then turned nasty. He used to whinge because I had a life that didn't revolve around him. A few other people raised their concerns about his behaviour towards me. He went as far to blame me for it.

FredG

pineapple wrote: »

Yes that was part of it initially and I'm grateful. However it seems he is now 'smitten'. He has consequently been increasingly demanding of my attention on a one to one basis. I have been trying to ratchet it down nicely but the message is just not getting through. Every time I pull back he just becomes more clingy and he has tried every tactic in the book to get more of my time.
I feel bad that I might have encouraged false expectations. Anyhow meeting up for a coffee shortly and dreading it. He is already planning on extending the coffee - suggesting a barbecue afterwards. When I said 'no just a coffee' he said he had already bought the meat! It's what he does.
So absolutely dreading this. I don't want to hurt him but I feel he is only one step away from a declaration of love. it needs stopping now for both our sakes.

Seems that he has little idea of personal boundaries. I understand the genuine enthusiasm for seeing someone, most of us have felt this at some point, but there's a certain level of respect and also a little bit of caution that needs to be applied.

You're getting to know someone, if you hound them you're creating a terrible impression and ruining your own chances. There's enjoyment to be had in taking it slowly and getting to know someone initially. Why rush it and add pressure by taking a yard for every inch you're given.

The guy should be happy with the coffee date, not trying to force his meat on you at such an early juncture.

Double_V

Don't be too quick to tell him off.
Some men are like that. Just reply in your own time.
And you will learn his personality.

Good luck.