New relationship advice needed.

Errata

So absolutely dreading this. I don't want to hurt him but I feel he is only one step away from a declaration of love.

If you feel that strongly, your gut is telling you he's nuts.

anotheruser

However, you should be careful.
What you're doing could be misconstrued as stringing him along...

snow_ball

Wouldn't say that so much, he's treating a 2 week 'relationship' like a 2yr one?! Having said that I probably wouldn't have texted the "good morning" message, he probably took that as the green light to buy the BBQ meat!

Hope your coffee meeting goes well OP.

Indie_Kid

I personally wouldn't have met him and do think you could be giving him the wrong idea.

pineapple

Well I'm back! I don't want to 'string him along' which is why I felt I had to spell it out, as nicely as possible, how I felt and didn't feel etc etc. Anyhow before I could get started he gave me a little card. Oh dear...
Got round to the carefully prepared (over and over and over..) speechette and initially it was like water off a ducks back. His response was that he just liked female company that's all, then I got the detailed and lengthy account of the trauma he suffered when his wife died 4 years ago...
Couldn't get a word in edgeways.
Then he suggested going on somewhere afterwards - as if I hadn't said what I just said.
So I repeated myself
He said he was sorry if I had felt pressured. Finally it is sinking in I thought. But then he launched into the saga of his current business complications..
I stood up to go when he paused for breath and he started fussing round the animals (the cafe has a smallholding) asking again about going on somewhere.
I declined as nicely as I could and told him yet again that I was a confirmed loner and singleton who liked her own space and needed him to back off. A version of 'it's not you it's me' in other words.
I had to set off to the car park area myself as he was just rooted to the spot as if reluctant to move. Got to the car (with X trudging reluctantly behind) and incredibly he tried an invitation to go for a drive in the BMW Roadster at the weekend (X owns the cars in a local second hand salesroom and knows I've been admiring that car)
It was like extricating myself from treacle and I felt a heel as I drove off but also relieved.
Thanks for listening!

Mojisola

pineapple wrote: »

Well I'm back! I don't want to 'string him along' which is why I felt I had to spell it out, as nicely as possible, how I felt and didn't feel etc etc. Anyhow before I could get started he gave me a little card. Oh dear...
Got round to the carefully prepared (over and over and over..) speechette and initially it was like water off a ducks back. His response was that he just liked female company that's all, then I got the detailed and lengthy account of the trauma he suffered when his wife died 4 years ago...
Couldn't get a word in edgeways.
Then he suggested going on somewhere afterwards - as if I hadn't said what I just said.
So I repeated myself
He said he was sorry if I had felt pressured. Finally it is sinking in I thought. But then he launched into more personal history.
Stood up to go but he started fussing round the animals (the cafe has a smallholding) and asked again about going on somewhere.
I declined as nicely as I could and repeated myself.
I had to set off to the car park area myself as he was just rooted to the spot. Got to the car (with X trudging reluctantly behind) and he tried an invitation to go for a drive in the BMW Roadster at the weekend (X owns the cars in a local second hand salesroom and knows I've been admiring that car)
It was like extricating myself from treacle and I felt a heel as I drove off but also relieved.

At least you know for sure that a relationship just wouldn't have worked. You won't be wondering whether you should have given him a bit longer to settle down or if it was you rather than him that needed to change.

It sounds as if he might not have got over the death of his wife - sad, because he's never going to find someone else if he carries on like this.

Errata

I felt a heel as I drove off

Absolutely no reason for you to feel that way. He refused to accept what you were telling him and carried on as if nothing had happened.
Thanks for the update, I was having visions of your body being found half buried on the moors.

rainygreyhound

The bloke just sounds lonely after his wife died. He's too needy but there's no need to brand him a psycho.

pineapple

Yes I think there are a lot of issues going on there and his head is so full of his own stuff that he was not listening to/blanking out what I was saying. Plus he is probably lonely. But I can't be his therapist. I find dealing with me is complicated enough...

pineapple

rainygreyhound wrote: »

The bloke just sounds lonely after his wife died. He's too needy but there's no need to brand him a psycho.

Indeed but all of this 'stuff' just came out today. I think it's quite nice that someone was concerned. I promise now to stop boring people about it.