New relationship advice needed.

Yolina

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm afraid you're just "not that into him", if you were you'd be over the moon with his behaviour. You should break it off with him gently....

Uh? The kind of behaviour the OP is describing would drive me up the wall too. Doesn't mean they have to break up - I'd be having a word (nicely!) first and explain.

marisco_2

pineapple wrote: »

I don't want to hurt him but better be clear about things now.

See you say that but then in another post you explain that you have made up an imaginary friend visiting so as to claim back some space and free time. If there was any worthwhile connection between you both, then you would simply initiate a straightforward, open and honest conversation with this guy and try to get on the same page with him. Sorry but I think you are both approaching things in an immature way.

BoJangles_2

I dunno, I think habits are hard to break so it could be hard for him to tone it down. His behaviour would do my nut in!

pineapple

marisco wrote: »

See you say that but then in another post you explain that you have made up an imaginary friend visiting so as to claim back some space and free time. If there was any worthwhile connection between you both, then you would simply initiate a straightforward, open and honest conversation with this guy and try to get on the same page with him. Sorry but I think you are both approaching things in an immature way.

It's probably more a case of me being a wimp and not sure how to tackle it. Anyhow after a bit of head space tonight, tomorrow I'll try to have the 'straightforward, open and honest conversation' you suggest.

BoJangles_2

pineapple wrote: »

It's probably more a case of me being a wimp and not sure how to tackle it. Anyhow after a bit of head space tonight, tomorrow I'll try to have the 'straightforward, open and honest conversation' you suggest.

You've known this guy for 2 weeks...

Make sure you sit him down in a comfy seat beforehand!

Errata

Cue aggrieved text an hour or so later 'At least let me know you are still alive'

erm ....... you've known him for less than two weeks and he's sending you aggrieved texts? The bloke's got problems, he's starting to do the 'it's all your fault' performance.

pineapple

Errata wrote: »

erm ....... you've known him for less than two weeks and he's sending you aggrieved texts? The bloke's got problems, he's starting to do the 'it's all your fault' performance.

That text will form part of my case for backing off when I attempt my frank and open discussion
But he has no idea of my age. Maybe I should just wave the bus pass and false teeth at him....

Errata

pineapple wrote: »

That text will form part of my case for backing off when I attempt my frank and open discussion
But he has no idea of my age. Maybe I should just wave the bus pass and false teeth at him....

nah ....... just give him Pickford's phone number, he's mistaken you for someone prepared to hump

pineapple

Errata wrote: »

nah ....... just give him Pickford's phone number, he's mistaken you for someone prepared to hump

One way or another......
One of the great mysteries of life - finding someone you are smitten with and vice versa. Not one sided but synchronised 'smittenness'! The last person I was smitten with nipped it in the bud by declaring (after the act of course) that he 'wasn't ready for a relationship'.:(

I think I'll take up knitting...

DUTR

Amysdad70 wrote: »

Hmm, I understand this guy. I am a 44 year old man and my wife and I got together and married very quickly and have been together for 22 years.

I guess i would have been described as needy but it never felt like that. I was excited to see my now wife and if we were apart I would wonder what she was doing. I miss her terribly if I am away from home for a few days.

The problem seems to me that as a breed, men like us are classed as high maintenance, where in my case it was always about just wanting to be with the other person. May I ask, is this one of those times where you want the man to be aloof and unattainable, whilst also being loyal and dependable? That is a difficult line for us to tread.

I think it may be wise to think about what you really want first. Is your desire to pull back because you don't see a future in the relationship? I would start out asking what he wants from the relationship? (although this may prompt a proposal to move to the next stage of the relationship).

The danger of asking to slow down is that he may well just hear 'let's be friends'.

Fluff15 wrote: »

My current boyfriend was like this when we first met - I'll be honest I found it far too full on at first. He was telling me he missed me during his holiday after our first date, we'd only met each other once!

I didn't tell him that I felt it was overbearing because I felt if I did, I'd feel bad and also it would hurt his feelings (I am a whimp!). So instead, I carried on my life as normal, I would text back on my own terms, say I've got things to do in the weekdays, etc etc.

As time went on, he chilled out much more, and I'm glad I didn't call it off months ago because I felt it was too much too soon. He's a wonderful man and I've learned his enthusiasm about things is actually quite endearing, so when I suggest anything he's always happy to try it and planning holidays with him is like a dream cos I've got somebody who researches it all as much as I do

If I was you, I'd carry on your day to day life on your terms - don't feel obliged to say yes to everything. If in a few weeks you're still feeling suffocated, then call it off.

Thanks both for your posts, as a bloke I find it rare nowadays that I am that keen on someone to be deemed as over bearing.