Share house with new husband?

mrschaucer

What's the boyfriend REALLY saying here? Is it
1) "I appreciate this is your house and well done for that! But I know I will feel uncomfortable as your husband living in this house which is "yours only". I will feel like a lodger. Can we do something about this together?" Or is it
2) "Not fair. I've only just realised I'm not going to get automatic entitlement to half the house value if we split up. If you REALLY loved me you'd sign it all away so that I can benefit from it if I trade you in for a younger model."
If the first, rent the house out and live somewhere else. He should be satisfied in the short term. Revisit the subject from time to time and see how you both feel as circumstances change.
If the second, take another look at lover-boy and ask yourself if he's really such a good catch. Sounds a bit whiney to me, and he's making it All About Him. I don't like all this emotional blackmail - he won't "feel" you love him properly unless you give him half the house? Jog on.

SailorSam

FBaby wrote: »

I guess the question is: if a week before you get married he won millions at the lottery and he told you that despite marrying you he didn't want the cheque to be made to both your names and that although he will treat you with the money any assets bought with the win will be his only, how would you really feel?

I think you've made a good point there FBaby.
Lets be fair to the guy.Op if you're getting some sort of agreement drawn up for him to sign saying he hasn't any rights to a share of your house should your marriage fail in the next 10yrs. I think you should sicn to say if he wins millions next week, he can keep it for himself.

piglet25

I'm due to get married next year and my fianc!e earns more than me, and she has a house with no mortgage too, I have asked her to give me half of it in case we split up but she is a bit undecided - I think she is being mean. I know that statistically we will probably end up divorcing and I want my share as she is loaded and I don't see why I shouldn't keep the same lifestyle if that happened? It will be years before I catch up with her salary and even though I get to keep most of my money each month I don't want to have to fork out for a mortgage or lots of bills if we split so why won't she just sign half of her assets over and stop being mean. What shall I do?


This is the flip side - sounds like a real catch.

BoJangles_2

MaryJo wrote: »

Our plan had always be to take advantage of the 'mortgage free situation' and stay in my house for a few years to save money for a deposit for a new 'marital home' together from our joint bank account.

We would then rent my house and pay that money into our joint bank account (along with our salaries).

In my head, it made perfect sense. But in his head (and I can understand it slightly), I will always have this second property which is very much "mine" - which will add to inequality - which is already potentially an issue because I earn 3x more than him.

Argh, I don't know what to do!

I think you are being sensible and think that, in this day and age, you can never assume a marriage will last forever. As cold or unromantic as it sounds.

SailorSam

piglet25 wrote: »

I'm due to get married next year and my fianc!e earns more than me, and she has a house with no mortgage too, I have asked her to give me half of it in case we split up but she is a bit undecided - I think she is being mean. I know that statistically we will probably end up divorcing and I want my share as she is loaded and I don't see why I shouldn't keep the same lifestyle if that happened? It will be years before I catch up with her salary and even though I get to keep most of my money each month I don't want to have to fork out for a mortgage or lots of bills if we split so why won't she just sign half of her assets over and stop being mean. What shall I do?

You've chosen a good addie for yourself there in Piglett. 'Cos i think you're telling Porkies.
I think your post was written tongue-in-cheek, and meant to be a joke.

Amysdad70

I think that is a given Sam as Piglet explained in the last line which your quote missed.

bazzyb

Amysdad70 wrote: »

Any reasonable person would agree with the OP

Nonsense. Any reasonable person would understand that marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people where everything should be shared. If the OP doesn't think this will be a lifelong commitment then the discussion shouldn't even be about the house, the discussion should be that really she isn't ready to get married at all.

BoJangles_2

bazzyb wrote: »

Amysdad70 wrote: »

Nonsense. Any reasonable person would understand that marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people where everything should be shared. If the OP doesn't think this will be a lifelong commitment then the discussion shouldn't even be about the house, the discussion should be that really she isn't ready to get married at all.

I'm sure there are good intentions all round when entering into a marriage but the sad fact is, many of them end up in divorce. If this isn't considered, especially in the OPs case, then you might as well be living in a fantasyland...

Errata

Amysdad70 wrote: »

Nonsense. Any reasonable person would understand that marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people .

It would appear from the divorce stats there are an awful lot of people who get married and are a) unreasonable and b) don't understand.

cats2012

If you're both in you mid 20s, might you upgrade to a new shared house at some point? what would you do then? if that may happen, and you would have both names, i don't think it makes a lot of difference what you do now. If it wouldn't happen then i understand why you might just want to keep it as yours. If you did "upgrade" (or indeed downgrade) and you wouldn't want his name on it due to the equity from sale being yours...that might be something to discuss.

I personally put in 100% of our house deposit but it is in both names, and my best friend just got married and sold HER house to buy one in joint names where her husband's contribution was next to nothing as he hadn't had the inheritance she'd had. Personally, it never crossed my mind not to share everything, but i do see why, especially when Scotland protects it, you might want to do differently.

Maybe it's partly a case of value - if it's not that much in the scheme of your life i'd say start paying the mortgage equally (or proportionally) and get him involved, but if it's a lot more than that then maybe not. Not sure i've helped sorry!