Share house with new husband?

dirty_magic

I wouldn't do it, if the house was yours before then he has no claim on it IMO. I would, however, want a house that was 'ours' rather than 'yours' if I were him. If I were you I'd suggest buying somewhere together and renting yours out and then using the rent money towards bills.

This isn't going to be an issue unless you divorce anyway, and it'll be you that gets shafted if you do and he has half of it! If he does try using it against you I'd be asking him why he seems so interested in your assets because I wouldn't feel comfortable with it at all!

corum_uk67

Hi MaryJo,

My opinion is that it is perfectly reasonable for someone in your position to want to protect their assets and that doing so in no way detracts from your commitment to the relationship.

You are guaranteed to have your whole life ahead of you. Relationships have no such guarantees and no amount of naysaying by bleeding hearts can change the reality.

I'm sure everybody hopes that their relationships will stand the test of time but we all know this is often not the case. Much better to try and openly talk about these things at this stage than risk the possibility of a costly and acrimonious divorce later on.

Your fiance's insistence on half of everything to me is ringing alarms bells. If he is confident that the marriage will last then he shouldn't need to insist. If the marriage doesn't last, then he has lost nothing, but stands to gain a great deal.

Call me cynical (which I am to a certain extent) but i'm sure there are more than a few people whose aim in life is to marry into wealth. A prenup can certainly weed them out.

Prenups do not prevent you making lifetime gifts or including your partner to be in any will that you have drawn up so I don't see why it should be a problem.

missile

MaryJo wrote: »

1. We are not earning similar amounts. I earn 3x more. We are both in our mid-20s and he has no capital to bring.

2. I don't know. I think so, but perhaps with some discontent.

3. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel pressured, but I can't decide if I'm simply having commitment issues. I hate the idea of spoiling our marriage over money issues.

The most common reason for marriage break up is money issues.
If you can't reach an amicable agreement now, perhaps you should not get married?

LilElvis

missile wrote: »

The most common reason for marriage break up is money issues.
If you can't reach an amicable agreement now, perhaps you should not get married?

Really? Where did you get that from? Anything to substantiate your post, or just personal experience?

Angry_Bear

I'm very split on this. I would be more on the future husband's side if it wasn't for the plans to rent this house out and buy another one together (if he was always to be living in "your" house, it would be a very lopsided relationship and could be awkward for him).

What are your long term plans/expectations as a couple?
Is his income likely to end up similar to yours (or outstrip it), or is it always likely to be significantly less due to industry etc?

Do you plan to have a family? If so, and if you are still the main breadwinner, what do you intend to do about childcare?

What I'm getting at is that in 20 years time, if your husband has sacrficied his career to raise your children and you've been together for such a long time, wouldn't you expect that you left the marriage on an equal footing (if something did go wrong)?

On the other hand, if something goes wrong a year or two in you don't want to lose your house.

How about delaying getting married until you're ready to buy together, and agreeing that when your mortgage on the joint home is paid off you will put both houses into both names? Then you will always have an entire "house", but you've protected your asset for about 25 years - which in terms of a marriage is surely past the point where everything is "ours" anyway, no matter whose it was to start with. You can explain this to your future husband in terms of protecting yourself in case of the worst, but still making sure you'll be fully equal partners long term. If he still objects, he is saying that he doesn't think you'll last 25 years .

mogwai

OP I don't understand why he has a problem with you owning something of your own? I came into my own marriage with my own assets and my husband never even asked about them let alone demanded a share of them - it feels quite greedy to me that he would demand half of something you worked hard for, especially when you have a plan in place to buy your joint residence together within a few years.

If anything your property is helping him to buy his first place with you as he will be living rent free for the next few years and can save more

I would not stand down on this, if anything just because you are uneasy about it and feel you are being coerced into doing it

itsanne

MaryJo wrote: »

We are not yet married. It is booked for next year.

We currently live together in my house. I take a nominal amount for utility bills (I don't really need it; it's a token). Before he moved in, we drew up a contract to state that paying a nominal amount for 'bills' did not constitute contribution towards ownership of the property.

Nothing has really changed apart from perhaps the fact that he now understands that under Scottish law, premarital assets are separate. He isn't particularly clued up on the law and was just heading blindly into the marriage assuming that 'everything would be joined in marriage'.

While I can understand him feeling that he'd be living in 'your' house, that should be resolved by your plan to rent the house out.

Making an issue of things now that he understands about premarital assets under Scot's Law is ringing alarm bells - loudly! There's nothing to stop you revisiting the idea at some point in the future, but for now your gut seems to be giving you very sensible advice.

katsu

We have unequal earnings. All our money and assets are merged as we meet young and so didn't bring assets to the marriage. Our deposit was not equal at all, but there was no suggestion that it should result in unequal shares. Maybe ensure he understands you will do the same with the new house?

Your current House is yours and your fianc! should respect that if he respects you.

The suggestion of a 5 year review makes sense. At that point you will have a mortgage on a new house so maybe it will matter less to him (we hope)?

I would try and ask him why it really bothers him so much. Why does he feel that if your marriage broke down he should get half that house as well as half of your savings and the martial house?

bugslet

Another one that thinks a 5 year review is reasonable, or you could probably have something drawn up that says that for 5 years he acquires x% of the house and 10 year another x%.

Marriages in the past used to be far more transactional than they are now. (Currently reading the English Marriage by Maureen Waller, it's good!). Personally I don't have a problem with protecting your assets.

Was with the late Mr Bugs for 28 years, unmarried. He had an affair at the 19 year mark. Had I been married he would have had a claim on the business I built up and half the house, which was entirely in my name. Had we come to a point where the relationship just wasn't working, then he could have had half the house, but there wasn't a cat in hells chance 'she' was getting her mitts on my hard work.

So what I am saying is that romance and an ideal is all very well, but life's practicalities can get in the way. With luck you will both be happy in 50 years time, but pragmatism rules for me.

PS When I came into the relationship with Mr Bugs, he had more than me and I didn't expect anything from him that he had accrued before we were a couple.

Worry_Wart

I think the divorce rate is 40 something % for couples marrying in their 20's in current times. You seem like a smart girl. Keep your house separate.