Share house with new husband?

*max*

Well, he has it made, doesn't he! Half a house, no mortgage, £500 a month as "pocket money"...He certainly wouldn't be able to live the same lifestyle if it weren't for you earning so much and having a paid for house. I think he has a cheek, personally. It's all to his benefit, nothing to yours really.

Errata

That said, I see his point of view, where he would be living in MY house and would perhaps not feel like an equal.

I can see his point too! Your salaries and assets are so unequal the only sensible thing to do is to put the property in a Trust.

And if it feels like blackmail, it probably is.

MaryJo

Our plan had always be to take advantage of the 'mortgage free situation' and stay in my house for a few years to save money for a deposit for a new 'marital home' together from our joint bank account.

We would then rent my house and pay that money into our joint bank account (along with our salaries).

In my head, it made perfect sense. But in his head (and I can understand it slightly), I will always have this second property which is very much "mine" - which will add to inequality - which is already potentially an issue because I earn 3x more than him.

Argh, I don't know what to do!

fairy_lights

MaryJo wrote: »

Our plan had always be to take advantage of the 'mortgage free situation' and stay in my house for a few years to save money for a deposit for a new 'marital home' together from our joint bank account.

If this has always been your plan then what has caused him to change his mind now that you're married? did you live together before marrying?

Mojisola

MaryJo wrote: »

1. We are not earning similar amounts. I earn 3x more. We are both in our mid-20s and he has no capital to bring.

Is his lack of capital just because of his lower salary or is he a spender?

Are you starting to feel he likes your money as much as you personally?

It's not uncommon for the two in a marriage to earn differing amounts - during a long marriage, there are often fluctuations between incomes with sometimes one earning more and sometimes the other earning more.

We started married life with everything becoming joint from the word go and any money earned is 'family money' but you have to really trust your spouse and also accept that, if the relationship breaks down, one of you is going to lose out financially.

Perhaps it would be better not to get married just yet.

MaryJo

We are not yet married. It is booked for next year.

We currently live together in my house. I take a nominal amount for utility bills (I don't really need it; it's a token). Before he moved in, we drew up a contract to state that paying a nominal amount for 'bills' did not constitute contribution towards ownership of the property.

Nothing has really changed apart from perhaps the fact that he now understands that under Scottish law, premarital assets are separate. He isn't particularly clued up on the law and was just heading blindly into the marriage assuming that 'everything would be joined in marriage'.

*max*

The inequality would only be in your (his!) head though, if you're pooling your incomes anyway. The house being solely yours will not have any impact on his lifestyle at all. He's already gaining massively from the pooling of incomes, without even putting the house into the equation.

Your initial plan sounds ideal, really. Why has he now changed his mind?

Beckyy

Hence why you would pay the equivalent to what you earn, not the same amount - you would always pay 3.5 x more than him, which is equal for what you earn. So you would pay £3500 and he would pay £1000, or you would pay £875 and he would pay £250. Leaving you with the same percentage of salaries each after.

If think the issue is less about joint finances and more that there's a huge disparity between the amounts you earn, and you will always have more disposable income available.

Another option would be to buy a separate marital home together, and you could either sell or let out your current property. Then your current property would just become part of your income and not an 'emotional asset'.

ETA: Sorry didn't see your later post about buying a separate home - I would stick to that plan. You will never be financially equal in terms of figures while you earn so much more, so he will just have to learn to live with that - the plan you had provides a good solution. Otherwise I would be questioning whether it's the right time for you to get married.

MaryJo

Mojisola wrote: »

Is his lack of capital just because of his lower salary or is he a spender?

Are you starting to feel he likes your money as much as you personally?

It's not uncommon for the two in a marriage to earn differing amounts - during a long marriage, there are often fluctuations between incomes with sometimes one earning more and sometimes the other earning more.

We started married life with everything becoming joint from the word go and any money earned is 'family money' but you have to really trust your spouse and also accept that, if the relationship breaks down, one of you is going to lose out financially.

He is very thrifty (as am I). He has a lower salary because he has just finished a PhD and has only been working for 6 months.

Money isn't an issue between us usually and I am happy just to pay for things because I accept that I earn more. I personally don't care about sharing monthly salaries and having the same spending money each. I fully trust him in terms of joining up bank accounts and salaries post-marriage.

I just feel like I should protect my house and not sure what to do here.

tea_lover

Do you both live in the house now, or will he only be moving in after you're married?

ETA: cross posted