Share house with new husband?

Sam_Fallow

If you really loved him, you would give it to him.

if he really loved you, he wouldn't even ask.

If only love and money were as easily defined as black and white.

Amysdad70

You sound like a very smart lady. You are doing absolutely the right thing in keeping your house separate. Your partner needs to grow up and accept that life is not a romantic movie.

Marriage will take work on both your parts. I can promise you that if you do sign over half of the house, you will come to resent it in the future, regardless of whether you stay married or not.

I have to admit, the bare faced cheek of the suggestion has made me quite angry. Doe s he really think that by giving him half the house he will feel more your financial equal?

Redacted

I would not transfer half the house before the start of the marriage.

If he is newly concerned about living in a house that isn't legally his, you could rent out your house now, adding that income to the pot and then jointly rent somewhere together.

Financially you'd be in much the same place, as the rent received would offset the rent paid, you'd be living in a house that was jointly "yours" and you would be protecting your asset.

Just because you don't transfer the property now, doesn't mean you can't at some time in the future.

I would also add, it's very easy for someone to be gung ho about joint everything, when they have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I wonder if he would have the same opinion if the boot was on the other foot? I would also point out that his attitude is also one focusing on divorce, as the name on the deeds only matters at that time.

As he is so keen on joint everything, is he willing to take on a mortgage so he can partly buy into your property and give you a capital payment, so that he has jointly contributed to the home he wants to jointly own? I'm guessing probably not - he wants a gift from you to equalise your financial positions at the start of the marriage because they are unequal. I think that request is hugely unfair and not one born of love. You have already agreed that once married, all future income will be joint, but I don't think that should apply retrospectively.

Andypandyboy

I work with someone who was ina similar position (though much older) He moved into his new wife's house after they marrried. Their original plan was to sell the house and find their own place. For numerous reasons it eventually became clear that his wife really did not want to sell. He said to me that the house never felt like "his" home. It has caused all kinds of emotional issues for him and they now live separately, with him moving out and just seeing her at weekends. They have not split up, they just cannot both live in the house she had prior to marriage. Money for not an issue for him, he just wanted a different house that was "theirs". I think that in your place I would rent out the house and put the income inot the joint pot and buy again together. Thus retaining the house in your name but giving him the benefit (both financial and emotional) of the property as an asset.

I think how you came to have the house is also pertinent - was the deposit gifted? Was the house inherited? Did inheritance form a part of the deposit? If so, I think using that to make him see the issues which lie beneath might be a way forward.

Good luck OP, this is not an enviable position to be in.

BigAunty

Sell the house, buy a new one together that is jointly chosen and get a legal agreement that protects that fact that you will invariably have paid the bulk of it.

I think he feels like a lodger in the new place but his proposed solution - to be a joint owner when he's contributed nothing, is the wrong way to make him feel he belongs there.

I moved in with a partner in their existing property that they'd bought with their ex and then bought their ex out. I didn't like living there. I don't even think it was because of the past relationship or the financial exclusion on my part but simply that it was a type of property and location that didn't grab me. We chose the next property together (that was also owned outright by my partner) and I was very happy there.

thorsoak

MaryJo wrote: »

1. We are not earning similar amounts. I earn 3x more. We are both in our mid-20s and he has no capital to bring.

2. I don't know. I think so, but perhaps with some discontent.

3. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I feel pressured, but I can't decide if I'm simply having commitment issues. I hate the idea of spoiling our marriage over money issues.

Step back from marriage at the moment ....feeling pressured is not the best basis for a marriage.

SailorSam

It would have been interesting if the Op had started a Poll to see what others thought. But even without the Poll i think the result is pretty obvious.
Hands up all those that think she maybe going to make the biggest mistake of her life.

ali-t

MaryJo wrote: »

I would not use the word "blackmail", but essentially, yes.

His argument is that we will not be equals in our marriage or in our home if I own the property - completely separately from him.

Don't get married. You should not have to make a sacrifice like that to stay in a relationship with this man.


There is a difference between being equals and equity in a relationship and equity does not always have to equate to financial equity.


I am in a similar position to yourself but no plans for marriage. I earn more than my partner, I own the house and there is no way he will match my earnings or be able to save enough money to match what I have paid towards the house so far. I had a co-habitation agreement written up (also live in Scotland) and it is the best £500 I have ever spent. Just knowing that everything I have worked for will be protected should our relationship ever breakdown is very reassuring.

FBaby

I'm in with him on this one. If you are not prepared to share all then you are not fully committed to marriage in which case just don't get married in the first place. You don't have to at least at this stage.

I guess the question is: if a week before you get married he won millions at the lottery and he told you that despite marrying you he didn't want the cheque to be made to both your names and that although he will treat you with the money any assets bought with the win will be his only, how would you really feel?

Seanymph

If it's that important to him what does that say about HIS motivation.

My husband and his first wife had a house, in his name, the mortgage was in his name, and it never bothered either of them, because they would have changed it if it did.

Now we have a house each, we live in mine. But they are both 'ours'.

If your husband was confident then he shouldn't be asking.

So in your shoes no, I wouldn't, never ever ever - why would it be important to him? That is the question that would worry me. He hasn't contributed, earnt it, worked for it - it isn't his.