Share house with new husband?

Errata

You really are in a bind. Your fiance has a degree, a Masters and a PhD but is only earning £20k. What are his prospects like for the future? Will he ever earn enough to pay his fair share of household bills, save for the deposit on another house, make pension contributions?

bazzyb

I agree with your husband-to-be 100%.

If you think you are likely to get divorced, then why on earth are you getting married? When you get married you become one, it makes sense to share everything completely - if you are not willing to do this then, again, why are you getting married?

If you have a strong relationship and do not feel divorce is likely to be on the cards, then why would sharing your house matter one jot?

Cyberman60

bazzyb wrote: »

I agree with your husband-to-be 100%.

If you think you are likely to get divorced, then why on earth are you getting married? When you get married you become one, it makes sense to share everything completely - if you are not willing to do this then, again, why are you getting married?

If you have a strong relationship and do not feel divorce is likely to be on the cards, then why would sharing your house matter one jot?

You miss the point....:p

JReacher1

If you are in your mid twenties, own a house outright and earn £70k a year then it doesn't sound like money is an issue. If you split up you still have your £70k plus half a house.

If you won't share the house then i suggest you sell and buy a new place together.

SailorSam

I think he can see pound signs in front of him.
He's getting a good deal with virtually being given half of your salary. Don't give him your house. I know you can't go into a marriage expecting to get divorced at some time, but what is the divorce rate for young first time married couples , about 35% ????? So it does happen. Just carry on living together.
I bought this house, it was my Mums before she died. I said to my Sister, who i trusted 100% that i thought it was a good idea to put the house in joint names with her, in case i was to meet someone and later split up, losing half my house. I think it was less than 5yrs later we had a family fallout and i tried to get her to sign it back. I had to fight like hell and spend a lot on Solicitors.
I have got it but i'd hate to see anyone else go through what i did, for a long time i envisaged i was going to end up sleeping on a park bench.
Don't give your house up, he's getting your money.

bazzyb

Cyberman60 wrote: »

You miss the point....:p

Not at all.

The point is, from the OP's posts it sounds like she's not ready for marriage.

JReacher1

SailorSam wrote: »

I think he can see pound signs in front of him.
He's getting a good deal with virtually being given half of your salary. Don't give him your house. I know you can't go into a marriage expecting to get divorced at some time, but what is the divorce rate for young first time married couples , about 35% ????? So it does happen. Just carry on living together.
I bought this house, it was my Mums before she died. I said to my Sister, who i trusted 100% that i thought it was a good idea to put the house in joint names with her, in case i was to meet someone and later split up, losing half my house. I think it was less than 5yrs later we had a family fallout and i tried to get her to sign it back. I had to fight like hell and spend a lot on Solicitors.
I have got it but i'd hate to see anyone else go through what i did, for a long time i envisaged i was going to end up sleeping on a park bench.
Don't give your house up, he's getting your money.

Just to clarify. Before you had even met someone you signed half your house over to your sister in the off chance that if you met someone, married them and then got divorced you would lose half your house!
That's a very pessimistic view on romance!

TBagpuss

OP, I agree with those saying listen to your gut.
Also, talk to your fiance. Why is it so important to him that you give him half your house? How would he feel if the two of you moved elsewhere and started renting out your property?

THink about whether a compromise is possible. I'm not familiar with Scottish Law, but could the house be in joint names but in unequal shares? So that you considered giving him a % of the hosue so he felt it was his as well as yours, but you retained the larger share protecting your premarital assets?

I think it is totally reasonable and natural for you to have reservations about simply giving him half your house. It does not in any way imply that you expect the marriage to fail or that you are not committed - not everyone's marriage works in the same way, and you should not let yourself be pressured into thinking that you are wrong, are 'not ready for marriage'.

Feeling bullied, blackmailed or manipulated into going againt your better judgment is *not* a good foundation for a relationship- the last thing you want is to start your marriage with a feeling of resentment or a nagging worry that your husband had financial motivation.

All that said, it can be very hard to move onto someone else's house, and it may be that it would be better for the two of you to buy / move to a different house which can be your joint home from the outset. Is there any way that you could do that now, rather than a few years down the line?

Errata

Marriage is a risky business as stats from Relate explain
http://www.relate.org.uk/files/relate/separation-divorce-factsheet-jan2014.pdf

The outcome for those co-habiting is even worse.

SailorSam

JReacher1 wrote: »

Just to clarify. Before you had even met someone you signed half your house over to your sister in the off chance that if you met someone, married them and then got divorced you would lose half your house!
That's a very pessimistic view on romance!

I wasn't thinking of wedding bells, but if someone had moved in for a couple of years.
It wasn't the only reason i signed things over. After my Mum died it was so messy sorting things out and getting access to some of her things, it seemed if i 'pop-my-clogs', it was going to be easier for my Sister to share everything out.