Share house with new husband?

Amysdad70

Just to clarify, the last two people have quoted me quoting others. I believe wholeheartedly that the OP should stand her ground definitely NOT share the house.

comeandgo

So your husband to be would only feel a true equal to you if he received half of your property? i don't understand how receiving something he has done nothing for will make him feel equal. It's still the house you worked for, saved for. I would never give up the security of your house.

Toxicity

I'd do what you originally planned to do, buy a house together, rent out your house and put the money towards bills. I don't see the problem with that, he still gains from it!

Totally unfair for him to want/expect to be given half of a house that you owned before marrying him. Don't do it.

FBaby

1) "I appreciate this is your house and well done for that! But I know I will feel uncomfortable as your husband living in this house which is "yours only". I will feel like a lodger. Can we do something about this together?" Or is it
2) "Not fair. I've only just realised I'm not going to get automatic entitlement to half the house value if we split up. If you REALLY loved me you'd sign it all away so that I can benefit from it if I trade you in for a younger model."

I think that sums up the situation perfectly. I totally expect that it is the first scenario because if it is the second, then OP is really naive and a fool to even consider marrying him and I gave her more credit than that.

Errata

If the gender's were reversed in this scenario it would scream 'gold digger' but they're not so it may just scream 'toyboy'.

SailorSam

I think i may have made a mistake with a comment i made earlier, i suggested that the Op should sign a commitment not to ask for any of the possible millions her boyfriend may win on a lottery ticket that he bought.
That is of course if the £1 came out of his own pocket. But if the ticket is paid for with money taken from any joint bank account, the Op should get her share. And as the Op is putting 3 times the amount of money in as the boyfriend is, she should obviously get 3 times the winnings. No matter who actually went to the shop to buy it.

krlyr

Sorry, skipped a few pages. OH and I own our house as tennants in common, being unmarried it means we each own a share of the house. OH owns more than me, because he put in more money (he'd been saving 8 years for a house before he even met me). I don't have any issue with this whatsoever - for all the time we're together, it's 'our' house, I get full use of it, I pay half the mortgage (we did rough sums to work out how this would effect each share too), I have just as much say in decorating it or who stays over and things like that.

If we did split, I find it more than fair that OH gets back what he put in. He put in more, so he gets out more. The intention is that we stay together forever, and this never effects us. But the reality is that not every relationship lasts, and we've made sensible provisions for that possible eventuality.

FBaby

krlyr, I think your situation is totally reasonable because you are not married, and indeed, if you are happy as such, then why change anything.

I think the view of some (including me) is why bother to marry if you are not prepared to adhere to 'what is mine is your and vice versa', which is the essence of marriage.

I really cannot comprehend the reason behind wanting to be married if you are not prepared to make that mental, physical and financial commitment that goes with it. There is NOTHING wrong with being in a serious and relationship without having to go through the legality of marriage.

MrsChook

I wonder if the OH is insecure? If he is, then maybe his insecurity makes him feel he has to know 'how much OP loves him' - and the only thing that might convince him of this (in his insecure head) is if she gives him half the house?!

I'm not saying I think he is insecure, it was just another angle I thought of that I don't think I have already seen mentioned. If I was in his position and I was actually an insecure person, I wouldn't feel any better by knowing that OP didn't trust me enough to share her assets with me.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I had a friend who wanted her boyfriend to put his house into her joint names once she realised he wasn't prepared to get married after she moved into his house. She was so singleminded about it, despite never paying any 'keep' or bills, just food for both of them, when he had to change jobs, she wouldn't even put a penny towards the mortgage when he couldn't make the payments himself.

She was prepared for him to lose the house because it wasn't hers. Even when gently asked 'but wouldn't you have to pay rent and bills anywhere else?', she'd bristle visibly and retort 'it's not MY house, so it's not my problem. I'll just move into my grandparents if that happens'. All her comments were about her being protected and how he wasn't committed to her if he didnt marry her or give her a house that two other girlfriends had happily paid their way in and walked away without attempting to take a chunk of.

Strangely enough, when she was suddenly and unexpectedly penniless, he had to feed and clothe her as well as keep the house going.

Inevitably, they split up. Fortunately, he hadn't done anything she wanted. Had he done so, I'm sure that she would have fought tooth and nail to get the 50% of the house she was convinced she deserved.



The OP's boyfriend sounds like my ex friend.