Share house with new husband?

spiritsfree

Life isn`t perfect. As we get older we do have an amount of life experience to fall back on, which gives us a better idea of life....and even love and relationships !! With what I have read, this chap feels he needs to have 50% of a house he has not contributed to in order to feel equal ? It belongs to the young lady, mortgage free, prior to them marrying....it is something the young lady has gained for her future. The young man contributes very little compared to the young lady, and could look forward to a happy life together. Its NOT about possessions but love, and if the young man loved with his heart, possessions wouldn`t come into it. He could see that he has a very comfortable life....without the house in question.....and if he has "Issues", which most young people have, about equality, then it shouldn`t be off-loaded on to his future wife. "It`s an issue that he is bringing into the relationship", and he should confront it !! The young lady seems very mature for her young years and is right to question this issue,as it feels wrong with the information provided by the young lady. She has, by whatever means, provided for a future, however to give away 50% of her investments in that, feels totally foolish and unnecessary. This young man could appreciate what he`s got and NOT manipulate and want what he himself can`t give !! He should be happy with a good, loving, sensible woman, who thinks and feels.... "Just my honest opinion"

justme111

You have not replied why perfect plan for getting another additional house been abandoned. Being in my 40s I would not have dreamt of asking my so to include me in the ownership of the house he had in his sole name previously. I consider it bad manners to even mention it and would probably review my decision to be with someone who asked me to do it let alone play the card "ah you don't demonstrate commitment if you don't ". May be being in ones 20 partly justifies it though - people tend to become less categorical and more respectful of others with age once they been burnt due to their idealistic slash and burn approach

cyantist

Have you looked into the practicalities of actually signing it half to him anyway?

I only ask because we own a house jointly that we rent out (OH and I). OH earns more than me, and profit comes straight to me anyway so to reduce the tax we pay on it, we thought about putting it only in my name. But when we looked into getting his name taken off the deeds, it was going to cost over £1000 because of paying solicitors fees, and changing bank documentation etc.

No idea if this is the same in Scotland, but if it will actually cost you money to sign it over to him it's yet another reason not to bother.

Errata

What it boils down to is the HTB wants an £:eek: (half a house) wedding present and to equalise things the bride gets nowt.

GlasweJen

The thing is if you were anywhere else in the UK and your marriage lasted more than 5 years then this would be a moot point.

If it was me (I'm the less well off partner in a relationship btw) I would be looking at what the other partner is bringing to the marriage. We know it's not money but what sort of job are you in? Are you going to be taking time off to raise the children or is he going to be the one doing that? What about emergency childcare, if Flossie takes ill at school who is dropping everything to go and collect her? Who will be doing the dishes, ironing, cleaning etc?

If your partner is going to be doing all the tasks that are traditionally feminine then I would not sign over anything but I wouldn't be declaring the house as a prior asset. If the marriage doesn't last 5 years then fine, I still have my house, if it does then he deserves a share as he contributed in a non-financial way.

How would you feel if he inherited tomorrow and refused to share?

If my partner dared to say that the home we live in wouldn't be on the table in the event of a divorce he wouldn't have a marriage to worry about because I'd be off. On the other hand we have decided that if the engagement doesn't work out I will return my engagement ring as the stones are coming from a family heirloom and that's only fair.

EmmyLou30

I think he's getting a rather good deal already. It's all your money contributing to the next house's deposit that he will be 50:50 owner of so he'll still come out of a divorce rather better off than he was going in to it....why does he want half your old house as well? That's just greed. I understand his need to not live in 'your' house, my husband felt the same living in the house I bought before ever meeting him but I wouldn't have ever signed over half to him. Once we married we moved to a new house that was 'ours' where he feels a lot more comfortable, feels he can do diy jobs etc as it's his too and we rent out the old place (which is still solely in my name). I know English law if different but if we split in the next 4.5 years he won't get a penny of my old house which I think is fair. After 5 years it's obviously half his, but in the meantime he's not kicking up a stink that I'm short changing him. I would seriously look at your fiances motives behind this. Moving into a neutral house should be enough to make him feel ok, if it's not he's after your money. Simple as that.

GlasweJen

The thing is her partner will never have the right to that house, they could be married 50 years and she could have spent 20 years on the sick with him caring for her and their 2 kids while holding down a job and he still doesn't acquire any rights to prior assets

diable

I read the first page then skipped to the last, so here is my 2ps worth you keep the house and bills in your name you pay all the costs associated with the house as you earn more than he does he pays for the weekly food shop so that evens that out.

It does seem that you had higher goals then he did and made something for yourself.

You must love him but mark my words in a year or two's time this will be an issue as you will have to fund him on every holiday, weekend away buying a car and resentment will settle in as he won't be able to afford anything, not being nasty but a realist, think carefully about this.

Gets off soap box........

FBaby

It does seem that you had higher goals then he did and made something for yourself

This made me laugh! For all we know, OP is a model and relying on her looks for her income which might very well take a nose dive in a few years, whilst her fiance, who now has gained a PhD might start his career and end up in 10 years time earning 50 times what OP will be able to bring home!

Goldiegirl

diable wrote: »

You must love him but mark my words in a year or two's time this will be an issue as you will have to fund him on every holiday, weekend away buying a car and resentment will settle in as he won't be able to afford anything, not being nasty but a realist, think carefully about this.
...

Historically, men have earnt more than women - it's only recently that sometimes women are the higher earners.

Does that mean that for years men have resented funding their wives holidays and cars, particularly for non earning wives?

I think not.

So why would a woman get resentful, when men don't?