Marriage Before Babies or Vice Versa?

jackieblack

marisco wrote: »

Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than any marriage

The law doesn't agree

aileth

Marriage first, then babies in my view.

I know a few people who have 2-3 kids and when someone asks them if they're planning to get married, they visibly recoil and say, "Oh no, that's too much commitment." So producing life is less of a commitment than signing a piece of paper? Incredible!

lulu_92

aileth wrote: »

Marriage first, then babies in my view.

I know a few people who have 2-3 kids and when someone asks them if they're planning to get married, they visibly recoil and say, "Oh no, that's too much commitment." So producing life is less of a commitment than signing a piece of paper? Incredible!

:rotfl: see that's what I don't understand!

I'm not getting married yet but that's not because it's too much commitment, it's more for the reasons KatieDee stated a few posts back.

aileth

lulu_92 wrote: »

:rotfl: see that's what I don't understand!

I'm not getting married yet but that's not because it's too much commitment, it's more for the reasons KatieDee stated a few posts back.

Yep, I think there's a huge difference when it comes to conversations on this topic, between couples who are due to get married or plan to get married whilst TTC and couples who breed with wild abaddon but refuse to get married as it's 'too much of a commitment.'

KatieDee

lulu_92 wrote: »

:rotfl: see that's what I don't understand!

I'm not getting married yet but that's not because it's too much commitment, it's more for the reasons KatieDee stated a few posts back.

To be perfectly honest, I would get married now but am waiting for the other half to decide he wants to do it! It's painful, but I'm sure it will happen eventually! :rotfl:

That said, there's so much that needs doing in our house at the moment, I don't think I could justify paying for a ring and a wedding. Something cheap and small for us, I reckon!

lulu_92

KatieDee wrote: »

To be perfectly honest, I would get married now but am waiting for the other half to decide he wants to do it! It's painful, but I'm sure it will happen eventually! :rotfl:

That said, there's so much that needs doing in our house at the moment, I don't think I could justify paying for a ring and a wedding. Something cheap and small for us, I reckon!

Exactly the same as me, bar the house work :rotfl:

Morglin

I wanted marriage, a home and then kids in that order!

Might be something to do with my age though....:eek:

Lin

Fluff15

I would like to have a home, then marriage, then children. I wouldn't marry somebody unless I lived with them before (but I also wouldn't live with somebody if I didn't want to marry them!) and financially it would be better to have our own home before saving for a marriage.

I think financially it would be better to have children last, plus I don't see any room for children on my honeymoon! Adults only

krustylouise

I have done both. When I was 22 in a relationship we decided to try for DD, this was before marriage (which I did want but wasn't bothered in which order). DD came along, money was tight, marriage became a distant memory (thankfully!) and after 6 years we parted ways.

Fast forward to now. Met a guy, fell in love, we got married in October 2014 and expecting our DD in June.

Speaking from experience I would say marriage first. Having a different surname to my child wasn't (and still isnt) nice. However in this instance it was probably a blessing in disguise!

AmyTurtle

I'm 31 and always wanted to be married before I had a child, but my partner of 5 years and I decided that since the biological clock was ticking we would have children first and get married later. Also marriage isn't really a priority for him (which is funny, because I come from a VERY broken home and his parents have been married for 35 years!). My mum's been married 6 times, my dad was husband no.2 so marriage is no guarantee a child will have a stable life.

I'm now pregnant and while we aren't technically engaged we have an understanding that we will get married before we're 35, which is fine by me.

My grandad is going to be pretty horrified I'm pregnant without being married but no one else in my family will mind. He's a massive hypocrite anyway as he had affairs all though his marriage to my nan - they hated each other but refused to split up until their last child had left home, so my mum and uncles all had a horrific childhood full of misery and arguments. Even he admits these days social services would probably have taken his children away so I tend to take his advice and opinions with a pinch of salt

My brother and sis in law got married when their daughter was a year old, they managed it financially but things were very tight.