Marriage Before Babies or Vice Versa?

KatieDee

Hello everybody,

This is purely down to me being a nosey parker but I'd really like to hear your views on the above.

I am now coming to the age when marriage and babies are somewhat expected from the in-laws and extended family. I would like both, although both are dependant on the attitude of my partner (whom I have been with for six years).

In my mind, I have decided that I simply MUST be married before having children. This is mostly due to the fact I don't think I could justify the cost of even a small wedding when I had a baby. I have a feeling I would continue to put it off. However, realistically I would be more than happy to have a baby now without getting married.

So....how did you do it?

Babies first?

Marriage first?

Babies with no marriage up until now?

Marriage with no babies?

And looking back, how do you feel about your choices?

I am assuming that however it happens, you learn to cope and make the best out of your situation, even if out of your control. I would just like to hear some first hand experiences

System

I've not done either, but in my head for some reason i want to get married before i have babies. I kind of feel if i had kids first the marriage part would get put off and possibly never get around to happening.

lulu_92

We're trying for our first but have no intention of getting married yet. We're saving for a house too so we'd rather get that out of the way and get married in a few years.

balletshoes

if marriage, or rather having a wedding, is important to you, best to do it before you have a baby - as you say, it costs, and it can be more difficult to save that money once you have started your family.

I'm going to be completely honest and say that a wedding, and even being married, was not important to me (I don't believe I need a piece of paper to show my commitment to my partner in life, nor his commitment to me). However, I am married, for legal/red tape reasons mostly, we married (low-key wedding day) when our daughter was 1 year old.

onomatopoeia99

I'm single with no children, but you solicitied opinions so here's mine!

KatieDee wrote: »

In my mind, I have decided that I simply MUST be married before having children. This is mostly due to the fact I don't think I could justify the cost of even a small wedding when I had a baby.

Last time I checked the prices on my local council's website, you could have a registry office wedding for about £100. If you can't afford that, you can't afford babies.

That's the cost of becoming married, not of a party / photographer / fancy venue / holiday or other gubbins that the wedding industry tells you is a necessity.

My answer is whatever you both agree on, without reference to your families, friends, other people you know, people on forums like me or uncle tom cobley and all.

Rambosmum

We decided marriage first, because I was insistent that babies would have my surname if we weren't. We now have the same name so it isn't an issue.

thorsoak

I know I'm old-fashioned but I prefer marriage first, then babies.

bargainbetty

I know several couples who had a child and then married shortly afterwards, largely due to the legal security it gave both parents in the event of the death of the other. (Unmarried fathers don't automatically get registered or custody, which shocked me to the core). For legal reasons, having a quickie ceremony would give you the security without the faff or expense, if you decide to take that route. Have a dirty weekend away afterwards and tell everyone you eloped

Personally, I would recommend that you and your partner do precisely as you both decide is best for you. No decision that is not in the best interests of you, your partner and your child/children or is based on a wish to placate someone else should be allowed to cross your mind!

**Patty**

I've done both. (married twice)

But then it was the certificate that was important......not the expense & everyone elses's expectations of a party that was important

bagpussbear

thorsoak wrote: »

I know I'm old-fashioned but I prefer marriage first, then babies.

Ditto. That's what I wanted for myself, and that's how I did it

olgadapolga

Marriage then babies