Marriage Before Babies or Vice Versa?

Jagraf

Batman_100 wrote: »

Marriage before babies every time. I wouldn't dream of beinging a child into the world when you haven't worked hard to build a strong relationship with your partner and made a commitment to eachother in the presence of your friends and family.

Call me old fashioned, but that's what I believe.

So it needs to be a big family wedding as well? Can't you just prove it to each other? Isn't that enough?

You can do all of the above without a wedding. One in three, or maybe more, marriages end in divorce. I'm not sure marriage shows any more commitment at all nowadays. Of course, a few decades ago everyone stayed together, many of them out of fear.

I have no problem with marriage, I just don't see how its a commitment any more than other options, and I certainly don't see it as more secure for children.

Batman_100

Jagraf wrote: »

So it needs to be a big family wedding as well? Can't you just prove it to each other? Isn't that enough?

You can do all of the above without a wedding. One in three, or maybe more, marriages end in divorce. I'm not sure marriage shows any more commitment at all nowadays. Of course, a few decades ago everyone stayed together, many of them out of fear.

I have no problem with marriage, I just don't see how its a commitment any more than other options, and I certainly don't see it as more secure for children.

To me marriage shows that you've put the time and effort into your relationship and shows that you think there's a pretty good chance you'll spend the rest of your life together. And that dramatically reduces the chance of the children growing up in a broken home in years to come.

Alarae

Rambosmum wrote: »

We decided marriage first, because I was insistent that babies would have my surname if we weren't. We now have the same name so it isn't an issue.

This is literally my exact stance. We have a loose plan; house, marriage, kids. In that order, no ifs, no buts, no coconuts.

We are buying our house together currently, hoping to complete next month. Possibly looking to marry next year depending on costs (for him, I couldn't care less about the party, I just want to be married to HIM) and then maybe kids a year or two after.

Accidents do happen, but I would drag him down the registry office if that happened

Jagraf

Batman_100 wrote: »

To me marriage shows that you've put the time and effort into your relationship and shows that you think there's a pretty good chance you'll spend the rest of your life together. And that dramatically reduces the chance of the children growing up in a broken home in years to come.

I think that the greatest thing a couple can do to show stability to their children and reduce the chance of a "broken home" is to do what they feel is best for them. That may mean marriage, it may not.

Showing your commitment to others through getting married does not increase the security for your children. Some people, in fact, just don't want to get married and see absolutely no extra commitment, and no reason to prove it to others.

Bennifred

kittie wrote: »

oh definitely marriage before babies, it is the nest building way, getting ready to bring children into the life of a couple, putting the stability into place. We did that order 45 years ago and it was so satisfying to have the structure in place before our 3 children arrived on the scene.

Now 45 years later, that marriage certificate has been an absolute godsend, I became a widow just 6 weeks ago. Being married has made an awful lot of the paperwork so very much easier and for that I am eternally grateful

I'm very sorry for your loss, kittie.

Hard_Up_Hester

Marriage first & then children, 4 of them, but both my DD's have done it the other way round.

MadDogWoman_2

It was house, marriage, baby for me.

From being young I always wanted to be married first. My 2 brothers did it the other way round. I felt that at least one of us should do it the right way round.

I'm so glad we were married as having a baby wasn't easy for us. It took us 8 years. Being married meant that we worked harder to stay together when the going got hard. If we hadn't been married when we found out I would have pushed hard for DH to walk away to find someone that "worked".

Gloomendoom

Jagraf wrote: »

I have no problem with marriage

Really?

From reading your posts to date, I assumed that you had a very, very big problem with it.

Jagraf

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Really?

From reading your posts to date, I assumed that you had a very, very big problem with it.

Nope, I'm happily married. Where have I said I have a problem with marriage?

I just don't think its at all relative with regards to the commitment you show to your children. At all. It doesn't make you better parents. It doesn't show you love your children more. The law doesn't give a child more rights if parents are married.

bylromarha

As you asked, marriage then baby.

You should enter marriage thinking of it as a life long commitment to that person. You have chosen them and promised to stay with them for the rest of your life.

Having a child together adds to this already established commited relationship.