Marriage Before Babies or Vice Versa?

Jagraf

Brallaqueen wrote: »

The children benefit from the right to remain in the marital home, and the divorce settlement financially compensating the primary carer.

That's not how it works at all.

Bluemeanie_2

red_devil wrote: »

Im abit cynical perhaps but so many have children without knowing each other for very long. Its all exciting when the baby is born, everyone wants to make a fuss of him or her, but when its comes to the nitty gritty of day to day life together alot of people split up.

A few years down the line they are with someone else and perhaps got a child or two with them. People not getting married and not sticking together has made life so much more complicated. The stress on stepfamilies must be huge trying to please everyone and get to see everyone equally.

Things have changed but its not necessarily for the better. No we font want to go back to the days of taking children away from unmarried mums but if people are honest dont they agree things have gone abit too much the other way now.

I couldn't agree more. I know of quite a lot of people who have children by multiple partners where they've rushed into having children after a very short duration of time. I know staying with someone for a long time beforehand doesn't guarentee their future behaviour or that you'll never split up, but surely it gives it a better shot than having a child with someone you've been dating for less than a year?

Bluemeanie_2

Noctu wrote: »

I wouldn't commit to a man who would have a baby with me but couldn't be arsed to commit to marriage.

I always thought it was odd when Gavin Henson was quoted saying "he wasn't ready for marriage" with Charlotte Church but then he had two children with her?!

You can just get divorced but once you've had kids your tied for life!

Jagraf

Bluemeanie wrote: »

I couldn't agree more. I know of quite a lot of people who have children by multiple partners where they've rushed into having children after a very short duration of time. I know staying with someone for a long time beforehand doesn't guarentee their future behaviour or that you'll never split up, but surely it gives it a better shot than having a child with someone you've been dating for less than a year?

Time together has nothing to do with marriage.

[Deleted User]

oh definitely marriage before babies, it is the nest building way, getting ready to bring children into the life of a couple, putting the stability into place. We did that order 45 years ago and it was so satisfying to have the structure in place before our 3 children arrived on the scene.

Now 45 years later, that marriage certificate has been an absolute godsend, I became a widow just 6 weeks ago. Being married has made an awful lot of the paperwork so very much easier and for that I am eternally grateful

Trixsie1989

We got engaged with the intention of marriage before children because we'd seen so many couples do it the other way around and never getting married and it was important to us. We got married in jan and I was 7 months pregnant, family tried to tell us to put it off till after baby is born but we'd have lost so much money we went ahead and don't regret it baby is due in 2 weeks and once she's here were going on our honeymoon and can then focus on buying a house rather than renting still. But what worked for us might not. Work for anyone else xxx

Jagraf

Whichever way we think is best, at least we now have the right to choose. It's not so long ago that women having children out of wedlock were truly discriminated against, along with the children.

As long as we all recognise that every child is equal whether the parents are married or not, and that neither way is inferior or superior, the world is a better place. Love and commitment provides security for children. This can be with the parents being married or not.

penguin83

We are not married. We did everything 'wrong' Met when I was 18, pregnant 4 months later, bought a house at 20, 2nd baby at 21, 3rd baby at 29. No intention of marriage at the moment but our relationship is still going strong after nearly 14 years.


Marriage doesn't guarantee stability in the same way that not being married doesn't indicate a lack of commitment. Horses for courses.


It works for us.

Bluemeanie_2

Jagraf wrote: »

Time together has nothing to do with marriage.

I never said it did.

Batman_100

Marriage before babies every time. I wouldn't dream of beinging a child into the world when you haven't worked hard to build a strong relationship with your partner and made a commitment to eachother in the presence of your friends and family.

Call me old fashioned, but that's what I believe.