Marriage Before Babies or Vice Versa?

lulu_92

Transformers wrote: »

Marriage is NOT expensive.

You don't need tens of thousands of pounds to get wed - so why not build the legal foundations of your family unit before having babies?

If you have enough money to try for a baby then you have more than enough money to get married.

I know marriage is not expensive, but I'd rather be a homeowner. Don't get me wrong, I have said to OH before that I want the commitment from him, but at the same time we want to make sure we've got the house sorted. At the moment we're in a house that just he owns, and I was more concerned about changing that first.

Babies first is for many reasons, mainly hereditary fertility issues. My logic is that for me there is a time limit for me to be able to conceive, I can get married at any age.

We will get married one day, it does depend on OH dropping down on one knee

lulu_92

Scottie_dog wrote: »

Been with my partner for 8 years, ttc for almost 2 years now. We are not married or engaged at the moment. I have told him I don't want to get engaged, I just want to elope one day and get married. I hate the thought of a big wedding. My family is massive so a small family wedding just wouldn't work, I don't want to upset anyone!

I was thinking about this on the way home. OH and I are known as the sociable couple (yes, I am aware this will change when we have babies!) and we want our wedding to be a party celebrating our love with our friends and family. That and how my family would react are my reasons against eloping. I too have a massive family so I couldn't have a small wedding.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

I know marriage is not expensive, but I'd rather be a homeowner. Don't get me wrong, I have said to OH before that I want the commitment from him, but at the same time we want to make sure we've got the house sorted.

At the moment we're in a house that just he owns, and I was more concerned about changing that first.

Getting married would change that.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

Getting married would change that.

Can you explain how? I'm not too savvy about marriage

Look, I do want to get married, and it was getting me down for a long time that I wasn't. My sister got engaged last year and she's been with her partner for half as long as OH and I. OH just doesn't want to at this moment in time. I can't exactly get married without his consent I was willing to make a compromise.

I stand by my reasons for doing it this way.

Transformers

Excuses, excuses.

Got a big family? Hire the local community hall and have a home made buffet - sorted.

Saving for a house instead of marriage? Well, perhaps babies should also wait until you have a more stable place to live.

I feel that the most important thing for children is to create a stable environment for them.

So, to me that means having a legally established relationship, setting up a long term home and only then bringing children into the world.

redpete

Marriage first, then babies. Nothing to do with the finances but because I believe it is the right way to do it.

gettingtheresometime

Lulu92

I know you have had issues with the neighbours but couldn't your OH just add you to the deeds?

marisco_2

lulu_92 wrote: »

Can you explain how? I'm not too savvy about marriage

Look, I do want to get married, and it was getting me down for a long time that I wasn't. My sister got engaged last year and she's been with her partner for half as long as OH and I. OH just doesn't want to at this moment in time. I can't exactly get married without his consent I was willing to make a compromise.

I stand by my reasons for doing it this way.

Having a child together is a far bigger commitment than any marriage or partnership. What matters most is that you are very secure in your relationship and see a long term future for it be that married or otherwise.

lulu_92

Transformers wrote: »

Excuses, excuses.

Got a big family? Hire the local community hall and have a home made buffet - sorted.

Saving for a house instead of marriage? Well, perhaps babies should also wait until you have a more stable place to live.

I feel that the most important thing for children is to create a stable environment for them.

So, to me that means having a legally established relationship, setting up a long term home and only then bringing children into the world.

Not sure if this is aimed at me, but I'll apply this to my situation.

1) Maybe I'm wrong for this but I want more than that from a wedding. No disrespect for anyone who did that for a wedding, we are free to do as we want

2) We are in a very stable home but a) we want a house that we've both worked towards and b) we want something a bit bigger a couple of miles away.

3) Children can have a stable environment without marriage. Yes it provides legal establishments that can't be achieved in another way. As long as I can afford to keep a roof over their heads, put food in their tummies and give them all of my love and more, then that's good enough for me.

4) My parents divorced when I was young. Yeah it was rubbish, but it never really threw my environment into disarray. The love for the children was put first. Marriage does not stop people splitting up, it is not the only way to give a child a stable life.

I like seeing what people think on this subject. It is an awfully divisive subject. Even my sister and I fall out about this every now and again

lulu_92

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Lulu92

I know you have had issues with the neighbours but couldn't your OH just add you to the deeds?

He probably could, but I don't have any interest in doing that. If we're moving this year I don't see the point. Good idea if we were planning on staying here. If it had a bigger kitchen and a third bedroom I'd be staying!