Mediation

justme111

It sounds wrong. Have not you discussed with solicitor the issue of her wanting to superwise your me with a child and what you have to do legally to not let her anywhere near you ? I thought it was all sorted together.

Pixie5740

What does she want to change? You and your son spending time...alone...without her poking her beak in?

I wouldn't enter into any kind of dialogue with her about changing the undertakings but I would tell the solicitor.

In fact other than date of visiting and drop off location(s) I wouldn't enter into a dialogue with her full stop outside of mediation.

Tuesday_Tenor

Guest101 wrote: »

So strange, she wants to change the undertaking already. It's 3 days later and she wants to remove some of the criteria.

This is what i mean by blowing hot and cold in rapid succesion.

What does she want to change?

Though I think I'd say the following, whatever it is :

Tell solicitor. Don't get drawn into discussing it with her yourself.

Her changeability is part of her personality(/personaility disorder?), unfortunately for you.

This would be strange behaviour for most people, who are grounded in reality, would understand a court order and would make sure it was correct in the first place.

This is normal behaviour for people like her, who expect everyone and everything, including courts, to keep up with her mercurial, changing perception of what's needed.

Very difficult to make arrangemnets with someone like this. The Court undertakings were the correct step. But she can't even stay foccussed on those ...

I feel for you. And your son.

justme111

I find it hard to believe what I am reading. What does it matter what personality the ex has or has not and how changeable it is yadayada . If she does not comply with court order about an access she should be sanctioned. She tried to get injunction order on the op and now he and others considering tolerating her presence and all this high school talk about turning up with a friend or family member and discussing how many foots away will she stay ?!

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

It sounds wrong. Have not you discussed with solicitor the issue of her wanting to superwise your me with a child and what you have to do legally to not let her anywhere near you ? I thought it was all sorted together.

Unfortunately there's no order regarding contact. So it's basically, currently, whatever we can agree. - Given the imbalance of power in that respect at present, I kind of have to agree, so i can see DS.

Pixie5740 wrote: »

What does she want to change? You and your son spending time...alone...without her poking her beak in?

I wouldn't enter into any kind of dialogue with her about changing the undertakings but I would tell the solicitor.

In fact other than date of visiting and drop off location(s) I wouldn't enter into a dialogue with her full stop outside of mediation.

I agree re mediation.

Hopefully, it's short term.

Tuesday_Tenor wrote: »

What does she want to change?

Though I think I'd say the following, whatever it is :

Tell solicitor. Don't get drawn into discussing it with her yourself.

Her changeability is part of her personality(/personaility disorder?), unfortunately for you.

This would be strange behaviour for most people, who are grounded in reality, would understand a court order and would make sure it was correct in the first place.

This is normal behaviour for people like her, who expect everyone and everything, including courts, to keep up with her mercurial, changing perception of what's needed.

Very difficult to make arrangemnets with someone like this. The Court undertakings were the correct step. But she can't even stay foccussed on those ...

I feel for you. And your son.

Thanks.

I suspected this would happen. I'm trying to speak to my solicitor, but she's in court again.

Another firm offer mediation, so I want to go speak to them and make sure everything is on the up and up. (my solicitors dont offer mediation services - and are probably bound by contract to represent me anyway)

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

I find it hard to believe what I am reading. What does it matter what personality the ex has or has not and how changeable it is yadayada . If she does not comply with court order about an access she should be sanctioned. She tried to get injunction order on the op and now he and others considering tolerating her presence and all this high school talk about turning up with a friend or family member and discussing how many foots away will she stay ?!

Sorry, to clarify, no contact order has been made yet.

Basically, the court order is that we are able to text/email/mediate or via solicitors, in order to sort out the contact arrangement.

I'm just considering DS, he's bound to have missed me. Turning down time to see him will hurt him as much as me.

Pixie5740

It's a tough one. On one hand you want to see your son (and he most likely wants to see you) and on the other you don't want to be anywhere near this woman.

Once you get hold of your solicitor I would ask for her advise on what you should do and how you go about getting visitation without her lingering like a bad smell.

RAS

How did it go Guest?

Guest101

RAS wrote: »

How did it go Guest?

Aww thanks for asking

She's away at the minute, so going ok. Picked up keys to my new house, moving this week.

Agreed to mediation - she's agreed to pay half the cost.

Been speaking occasionally about DS, get the feeling she's regretting things getting out of hand. But I'm keeping it civil and concentrating on setting up home.

I have regrets, and occasionally think of what could be. But I've got the security of a home now. No need to rush anything.

Saw DS few times before he left, and tbh it's not too bad being around her. The dynamics have changed, we've spoken more openly than we have in over 12 months and with almost no ulterior motives on either side it quite refreshing.

Aside from finances my situation isn't too bad. It's going to be a cheap month! But I'm renting and furnishing a whole property, so no surprise there!

The main thing I guess is there appears to be some mutual respect, which is refreshing. Since having DS over in the short term may be difficult - it's working out ok.

Thanks for asking

RAS

Have you checked out freegle/freecycle for house stuff? Amazing what can be extracted on occasion.

And remember you can furnish over time as long as you have a a bed to sleep on from the start.