Mediation

Tuesday_Tenor

squeekswhenwalking wrote: »

Just read your post mate and it must feel like sh*t at the min. I went thro similar nearly 20 years ago missed seeing my daughter for a while, then when I did the ex made it awkward to arrange anything . Things do get better tho and me and my daughter have a good relationship and I now see my grandsons all the time. Just wanted to give you some moral support.

Thanks for giving a long-term view, as I think that's what Guest needs right now.

Guest101

Order discharged.

Get in!

Cross undertakings, all sorted.

Happy bunny today!

RAS

OK - one battle won.

Now you need to take stock and decide how to go forward. Based on your comments there are likely to be issues for the next decade at least.

1. No phone calls at all, no speaking to her in the street, no staying at her house.

2. Make sure that you can record all texts and any incoming calls/messages. There are apps if you do not already have one.

3. Only communicate in writing (letters for important stuff, e-mail and text if you can record them for little stuff). For really important stuff, send two copies first class from 2 different post office. Courts accept that one copy goes missing but not two copies.

4. Suggest supervised access at a contact centre. OK it is supervised BUT you do not meet her and you get to be outside her house with your son. And there is a third party record of whether you, she or son turn up and how you all behave.

5. Once that is up and running try to establish a neutral hand-over point and stick to just handover and hand back, preferably via a third party.

And if she tries to say son is not yours, ask her to explain why she is billing you for CMA?

Pixie5740

That is excellent news Guest. :dance:

Pixie5740

I agree with RAS about have as little contact with her as possible and keeping a paper trail. Do not give her any ammunition.

As well as access you also need to focus on getting your name on the birth certificate (ridiculous that it's not on there already) and getting parental rights.

Guest101

RAS wrote: »

OK - one battle won.

Now you need to take stock and decide how to go forward. Based on your comments there are likely to be issues for the next decade at least.

1. No phone calls at all, no speaking to her in the street, no staying at her house. - All covered by undertakings. For both parties.

2. Make sure that you can record all texts and any incoming calls/messages. There are apps if you do not already have one. - I'll take a look. We are only communicating via Text / Email (or solicitors / mediation ) - so it should all be recorded.

3. Only communicate in writing (letters for important stuff, e-mail and text if you can record them for little stuff). For really important stuff, send two copies first class from 2 different post office. Courts accept that one copy goes missing but not two copies. - Making C100 application, via the court. Will follow up with an email, to advise once ive applied. The court then get in contact with her.

4. Suggest supervised access at a contact centre. OK it is supervised BUT you do not meet her and you get to be outside her house with your son. And there is a third party record of whether you, she or son turn up and how you all behave. - I'll look. But I'm not sure if we even have a centre locally. Was going to suggest neutral place to drop off / pick up.

5. Once that is up and running try to establish a neutral hand-over point and stick to just handover and hand back, preferably via a third party. - Yep. Think that's best.

And if she tries to say son is not yours, ask her to explain why she is billing you for CMA?

She's already told the court we are both parents, so would struggle to claim that now.

Pros and cons:
She didnt have to accept cross undertakings. Whether it was genuine, or just to appear reasonable, I do not know. - However she did accept it, and some limited communication about DS, and hinting at mediation.

I think next step is get the application sorted. Which my solicitor is just finalising.

Let her know i've applied. And ask about some interim contact.

Confirm via email after each contact.

And I imagine - mediation in 4 weeks

Guest101

Pixie5740 wrote: »

I agree with RAS about have as little contact with her as possible and keeping a paper trail. Do not give her any ammunition.

As well as access you also need to focus on getting your name on the birth certificate (ridiculous that it's not on there already) and getting parental rights.

Cheers. Doing that with the same application.

The court system is good in that it's 1 fee for the whole thing, not per item.

So Child Arrangement Order & PR heard together

Guest101

Not a major criticism- as it's within 7 days. But ex supposed to verify email and phone number so I can try arrange interim contact.

For some stupid reason I thought she might do this today.

Must stop expectations being set too high!

RAS

Given her previous behaviour; I think you should assume that she will fail to do either within 7 days.

Leaving you with no approved contact point and her "winning."

Was there any decision in court as to what would happen if she fails to provide verified contact points within the timescale?

Guest101

RAS wrote: »

Given her previous behaviour; I think you should assume that she will fail to do either within 7 days.

Leaving you with no approved contact point and her "winning."

Was there any decision in court as to what would happen if she fails to provide verified contact points within the timescale?

It would be contempt of court - so I'm sure she will, at the 11th hour.

We both took undertaking - which basically is a court order.

I guess I just thought if she wanted to be seen as reasonable, as putting DS first, then she'd make it a priority.

On a plus note - applied for a house today. So things on the up